Thanks for the feedback labug. He didn't want to call her, because that would be forcing her to talk. I texted her and just said that I had spoken with him and he wanted her to have the choice to talk to him and asked that I give her his cell phone #. That's all I did. I had setup the meeting to speak with him 6 days before, it was Tuesday that worked for both of us. He told me to be upfront that I had spoken with him, as the pastor is a friend of their family. He didn't want to be secretive about it.
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
In other news, I have decided to get rid of the cell phone. I am moving to only a home phone, and a very basic emergency prepaid cell phone.
I am doing this for me, as I find myself unhealthily attached to my phone. I want to enjoy other's company and be able to focus on relationships rather than checking my phone while talking to people.
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
Well, I took his advice and his request. Unfortunately, what's done is done now. I am back to giving her time and space. I'll refrain from pressuring her in the future.
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
Well, I took his advice and his request. Unfortunately, what's done is done now. I am back to giving her time and space. I'll refrain from pressuring her in the future.
This may help you understand why, this is a post by cbtdad who is now in piecing with his wife after almost a year of DB'ing:
Quote:
In one conversation today before we even went to MC she stated that she is happy how it all worked out. And even though it was painful experience for all, it seems like this needed to happen to beoome stronger. She said that it never would have worked when we first separated because she didn't want it to work and she didn't believe that therapy could help anyways. She had been to therapists before and nothing seemed to change she said. She now admits that you have to want to change things. She said that it was only after several months that she really wanted to try because she felt I had really changed as a person and it made her start looking at herself.
This gives you some insight into how WAS's view things like MC, therapy or advise from a pastor. THEY DON'T WANT IT TO WORK. You'll hear us say on this forum over and over again not to push for it because the WAS will only use it as an excuse to get out of the M. They'll check if off their list of "everything I tried that only proved the M was done". It's pressure at a time they don't want pressure. Eventually there may come a time where they WANT to work on the M, and when that time comes, then MC/ counseling/ therapy is a great idea.
