Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Is it too late?

Also, I haven't read your entire sitch but it looks like you registered less than 60 days ago. You've known and/or been with your WAW for 20 years. And you have had a drink and referenced a new girl more than once.

IMO, you need to take some more time to really figure out who you are and who you want to become. This is a long journey but a rewarding one if your ready to take it.

Thanks `say' for your advice;

I am tending to agree with you on the facebook subject, although it would be a `180' I don't want to stir up more emotion & the temptation to snoop in my down moments would be too much.

I left WAW nearly 3.5 months ago & part of GAL'ing (going out at weekends & trying to be the happy chappy I used to be) has led to me meeting the new girl. I waver between the `long haul' wait which may be fruitless & the opportunity to start again. If I had the slightest signal that WAW was re-considering I wouldnt be considering a new relationship but that does not seem to be forthcoming despite contact from her 2 or 3 times a week.

Although my rollercoaster has levelled out a lot in the last few weeks (I never thought that would happen) I still think of WAW almost all of the time, but, there have been 3 things that have helped me get through all this, GAL'ing, reading this forum & the realisation that so many have successfully got through this & finally the communication with new girl which has made me see that I might not be left on the shelf if WAW never changes her mind.

Thanks again for your comments

Trublu - have you met new girl in person or just online? Yes, having someone interested in you is good stuff. Luke

Hi Luke,

In person!!!
She was a small flicker of a flame a few years ago when I was between marriages but just friends at that time, happened to see her when I was out with my son a couple of weeks ago & she's been texting etc ever since & met for drinks last friday.
It is good stuff & flattering but as i said earlier i think i see a T junction coming up with a big decision. Will probably see what happens this weekend. Deep down, at this stage, I probably hope that WAW changes her mind quickly but realistically that is not going to happen.
It is a dilemma, really GAL & move on more or wait, wait, wait.

We'll see!

Hi TB,

Yeah, that is a real T there. The multiple times per week communications are a good thing though. You mentioned that she was on antidepressants, which I used to be also, until I read 'cognitive behavioral therapy for dummies', which turned out to be much better than any meds. Perhaps you can somehow make her aware of the book.

My 2 centimes - Luke

Hi Luke,

WAW has been on meds for many years on & off. It started with abusive behaviour & affairs by her 1st husband.
This resulted in her being depressed & insecure & onto the meds, I made it a mission of mine to give her a feeling of security & of being wanted & loved, which I did for a long time & got her off them, unfortunately I let all this slip in the last couple of years hence WAW & she is back on the meds (she told me last week). Good idea on the book but maybe I'll tell her a bit later as she would think I'm trying to control her indirectly at present.

Thanks again

Hi tb,

Yes, hands off seems best just now...

What was good about the book was that it helped me understand the mechanisms and thought patterns of depression and how to control them. I also feel much clearer for not taking meds, which fuzzed up my mind. If she has just restarted with an SSRI, by the way, it will take a few weeks for them to kick in.

L

Hi All,

Well, true to form just got the regular 72 hour phone call from WAW. 30 minute chat about her current problems, but included a little bit of unforced light hearted banter for once. That was nice. Unfortunately she is facing big finance problems at the moment & just for my sanity I mentioned `well you'll be fine & have disposable income when boyfriend moves in', she thought a moment & said he's not yet, he might not, maybe etc etc. Well at least I know hes still on the scene! Only believe 50% etc, hes probably moving in this week!!! That did knock me back for a few minutes but it was nice to have the chat & a bit more validating. Shes due to call again Friday...we'll see!

Thanks All

And to follow a txt from WAW:

`I dont know if anyone will move in. I need to sort this on my own. Thankyou for offering to help I really do appreciate it. Hope your day goes well x'

I really havent got a clue!!! At least I can raise a small smile
now, 3 months ago I would have been pleading etc

Thanks All

Your cup is half full, tb, not half empty, imo.

Luke