Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Getting there with 180 and GALing part 3

Uh, oh. Another reminder that I stalled half way thru the book. I need a day stretcher. Just a few more hours every day should do....

It's one of the best books I've read so far. I keep thinking how it could apply to H as well, but I'm sure if I keep putting the techniques into practice then it'll just come naturally MH, you need to get on to reading it!
NQ, I hope that my classmates get the message. I don't want to have to keep repeating myself over and over again to them. To date all I've done is smile sweetly and nod in the right places. Things have gone too far now and I'm going to get tough! I've tried to tell them that I want to work on getting H back, but it just comes down to I can do better. That's why I did give up. The trouble is that one of the girls thinks she's an expert as she's now on her third one. They aren't married as she's not yet D her H yet, but they've been separated for quite a few years now. As my counsellor pointed out, she's an expert in getting rid of them, lol.
I have a sneaking suspicion that H has gone away for the week with his friend. I could be wrong though. I'm tempted to go to look at his FB page, but I'm not going to

And a couple extra days in the week.....as long as they form part of the weekend

I could do with a few extra hours in the week and a couple more days I read something today that was very profound. It's not what we change on the outside, but how we change on the inside that counts You can rearrange the deckchairs as much as you like on the Titanic, but it's still going to sink! Just another excuse for me not to declutter that darn bookcase, lol

Hi T180

Glad to know that you know that this doesn't help

At one point I told my W that I would rather her be honest with me, even if it hurt and if it wasn't something I wanted to hear. She didn't want to hurt me with some hard truths and also lied out of anger towards me.
During one conversation I said please just be honest and trust me. She was, she said the truth and I listened. I did not react and only said thank you for sharing that with me after.
That was the first of many hard conversations that I only listened to. She is slowly beginning to trust that I will not spiral from the truth, nor react from it.

So the truth comes at a cost. First you need to be able to accept it without reacting. Second you have have a plan to handle it once you know it.

Your H may fear hurting you "more" and he may fear a reaction.

It is up to him when to share his truth and then up to you to respond in a safe manor.

Just my thoughts.

Thanks for your input JP and for coming over to my thread and sharing your thoughts I did confront H over another issue and he just told me more lies. I even said just tell me, you won't upset me, but still he wouldn't tell me. He's told me that she is just a friend, so I pursue this for fear of annoying him. He's already told me not to start telling people that she's more than just a friend, so I've got to keep my mouth shut over this. I shall just carry on being polite and friendly to him. I've not been confronting him over anything else lately and if I do then it's just in a friendly way. I appreciate your advice JP as I know that you're starting to have a better relationship with your wife

I suggest letting go of what you can not control and focus on you, yeah I know it's not easy.

Maybe when your talking sometime and it just feels right, tell him it's ok, i want us to be honest with each other. Don't push it though, wait for the right time, when you can feel that he wants to tell you something. Make it safe and who knows.

Trust me I know about wanting to know and talk about the other person and at this point I can't think of one time that I brought it up that it didn't push my W further away and I didn't get what I wanted out of bringing it up.

I'm not called trying to do 180 for nothing you know, lol. I do try and focus on myself The time never seems right with H to bring anything up with him, he is being very cloak and dagger about everything he does nowadays. I'll take everything on board that you said and I'll try a bit harder Again thanks for the input

Our H's really are very much alike! Mine is so cloak and dagger as well - and has been for months if I really think about it. It's been like pulling teeth to get anything out of him for a long time.

Maybe you and I should start being cloak and dagger as well . I'm pretty sure I'm still way too open with my H about what I'm doing, etc, etc.

I've tried that when I think about it though. My trouble is I'm too honest. The times I've tried it though, if he asked what I've been doing then I just say oh this and that, nothing much! The other way to do it is give as little information as possible like when he asks what I'm doing today, I just say oh I'm in such and such a town and then he has to prise the information out of me If we ever have any good ideas about how to deal with our MLC twins, then we'll have to share it