Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers WAW served me, 2 weeks in, looking for pointers

Thanks for the feedback and encouragement. I think I'm making things too easy for her. I'm paying all the bills, she doesn't have to worry about anything. I'm thinking about splitting expenses so she has to manage car payment, life insurance, disability insurance, gas, groceries, entertainment. What are your thoughts on this? Would it help to give her the "lets split finances schpeel?" Right now I'm doing everything.

Does your W work?

She does, she told me her hours are getting cut. She's seasonal, no benefits, but she is living with her parents now so her expenses are low.

I wouldn't do anything until you get served, and even then, I wouldn't cut off any car or health insurance; this can look really bad if you do end up in court. However, after getting served, I wouldn't pay anything else.

I did that for my W and ended up just getting screwed out of a bunch of money. Just my two cents; talking to an L is always a good idea.

Thanks for the info. I'll keep it in mind.

I called the pastor that married us today for spiritual guidance and advice. We spoke for 45 minutes, it went really well. I laid it all out there. He gave me many of the suggestions on this board about actions, and told me to delay delay, delay. I told him that was easier said than done as she asked again last night about whether I was going to sign the waiver of service papers or not.

He asked me to contact her on his behalf and give her the option to speak with him. I texted her the information and she said "Ok. Thanks" which is better than no way I guess. I did not ask him to speak with her, he wanted her to have to choice to speak with him regarding the situation. I hope it didn't come across to her that I was trying to have him meddle, that was not my intention. But I fear it may be perceived that way.

I'm back to LRT'ing now. Hoping I don't get served.

I watched the movie Fireproof this morning. It was so emotional. I'm having a rough day. Just keep thinking about her. At least I'll just come vent here instead of reaching out to her this time.

That's very wise to come here and vent - what are you doing to do the rest of the day? This weekend?

Believe me I know it's easier to say that than do it, but you have to start somewhere. I forced myself to go to bonfires and get-togethers, even though half the time my stomach was in knots; but I found myself laughing once in awhile, and I would realize that 3 hours had gone by and I hadn't really thought about W.

Here's a quote I saw the other day (forget where) and I've been repeating it to myself: "Worrying never changes the outcome of a problem." So, what are you going to do instead of worry?

Luckily I'm working until 8. Then it's home to take care of the dog and early to bed. I work through Saturday evening. It's my two days off where I really struggle.

I would like to call the pastor that married my H and I, but I am way too embarrassed. I remember him saying during our ceremony that he just knew our marriage would last b/c of the behaviors he'd seen from us the times we sat and talked w/ him. *sigh*

You seem to be doing really well though Kd, I struggle on my days off too w/ sadness and thinking about things...just try to keep busy and think positively. I hope your W takes the opportunity to speak with the pastor, but be strong in your no contact for now, and in the mean time keep up with your changes; continue to be better for you!

Your W didn't leave you because of the sexting, she left because you weren't in the marriage. You had a drinking problem and had blackouts. The sexting was most likely the last straw.

Calling her about he pastor's message was way beyond pressure.

I'm sure she does pray for you and wishes you the best but she has to protect herself.