Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers One giant leap forward! - Part 7

W sent me a text this morning after if I can give her some some of the TV Shows that I download. Followed by a "Pleeeeaaassssseeee??????"

It is something I would do for anyone so I don't mind. I also don't feel like I would be doing this for any other reason which is a nice feeling.
I don't have any expectations, it helps that my interest is zero.

Small interactions like this might also help the next part of our sitch roll slightly smoother.

I also sent W that email this morning about the divorce:

"Hi,

I have been looking at what I can borrow regarding a divorce settlement.
I could go to £3,000 if I was to file or £3,500 if you were to file.
The reason being is I would have to pay nearly £500 in court costs if I was to file. I have been told that you probably wouldn't have to but that would need checking.
Let me know what you think.

T1000"

Something I have been thinking about is what would my response be if she asked me if I actually wanted a D?
That isn't coming from any hopes of mine, it's more that it wouldn't surprise me if she threw it in there.

Strictly speaking I don't want a D. I want us all to live together as a happy family. I don't see that as an option. Especially now or anytime soon. I think W has a long journey ahead of her if she ever decides to take it. I need to get on with my life.

What about:
I never wanted any of this. Life is marching forward and tough decisions have to to made. I need to get on with my life.

or what about:

Strictly speaking I don't want a D. I want us all to live together as a happy family. I don't see that as an option. Especially now or anytime soon. I think you has a long journey ahead of you if you ever decides to take it. I need to get on with my life.


I like that one better, but stick with VETs


F

That is the sort of thing I would like to say, I don't want to preach to her though, that's her stuff/issues:

"Strictly speaking I don't want a D. I wanted us all to live together as a happy family but that isn't an option. I need to get on with my life."

I don't think any of them sound quite right.

T, let me ask you this: Are you DONE?

I feel like I am. I could just say YES but that would feel more like a reaction.
I'm not saying way down the line there would never be a possibility.
I have accepted moving on with my life without her as my W and ready for whatever comes next.

My financial situation is driving the D more than anything else. If it wasn't I could imagine this part happening in the new year.

I have been thinking about LTH's question "Are you DONE?"

During this process one of the things I have learnt (learned?) is that absolutes one day are necessarily absolutes the next day and so on.

The day we got married, nothing would have changed my W's mind to get married. She changed her mind on BD and that was it, a few months later she changed it back, and then back again and then back again...you get the picture.

I do feel DONE now but I know that doesn't mean I will always feel that way so I find it's hard to say I'm DONE because DONE implies finished, never to be seen again and life doesn't work like that.

I have accepted that W and I could very well be D'd within 6 months and I am making peace with that.

T, since you've made this decision, you've sounded stronger and more centered than I've ever witnessed.

What would you think about a simple Yes or No answer?

I were to say yes I automatically feel the need to justify it and put more words out there.

I know there really there is no point in waffling on about how I would have liked it to turn out. It is what it is whether I get chatty or not.

I think now I would be more tempted to ask her why she is even asking the question rather than answering it.

Why justify, as you said it is what it is. Often we think we need to justify or defend but we don't. Our decisions are our decisions. You're also right that many times the justification sounds preachy and judgmental.

Don't ask the question if you don't want to have the discussion and jump back on the roller coaster.