Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Hardened Heart Continues 4

I take back what I said about you having a more positive spin on DB You are going backwards to how you were before. You are mind reading. How do you know it's not a positive step forward? I agree with Mach1 here, just reply - Will do.
I've just left a friend who's been mindreading about the sitch she's in at the mo and it's drained me
Whatever happens, happens. Just remember that

I dont think it is strange at all.

You are looking at this from the wrong angle.
You are trying to use logic.

That doesnt work.
As my friend Mach1 would say,
You need to learn to sit on the ceiling and
drink coffee with a fork.

Once you have mastered that it will start to make sense.

Lol, I like that one

So....

Pardon for being lazy here...

How did you part ways ???

Did she just go out for Milk, and not come back ????

Okay, got it ( I think)

I think what Cadet was referring to is....

That the ILYBNILWY or whatever the f^%& that is, is a pretty standard script. And I think she said it without really saying it.


For what it is worth, the synonym, or whatever one hears, is pretty script with a WAS/MLCer. It is what they FEEL at the time. It may not be true, and it may not be what they are thinking today. Yet it IS what they were thinking at that time.

That is why it is so important to not believe anything that you hear, ( or in your case, NOT hear). Because the WAS acts on pure, raw emotion, and as you know....feeling can change from one minute to the next.


Why is it so important to know what she is/was thinking ???

IF you did know, how would that change the path that YOU are on ???

How does it change what your everyday life should look like ??

What you want it to look like ???

How does it change how YOU want to present yourself to the world ???

All very good questions Mach 1. Yes Cadet, I still struggle with using logic or lack there of from a WAS. TTD, I am maintaining a positive attitude regardless of what i may of projected in my earlier statement. It is however, only human to feel and/or react to what is occurring in the moment. Time and time again we see this here on this board.

With that said, for a few weeks now I have been putting forth plans etc. to move forward with this "as if" I will be doing it without my W. "As if" she will indeed file for a D. I understand what I must do to survive and that is to swim with head above water instead of drowning.

The down feelings still hit us all especially in these early days of our sitchs'. But without the downs the ups would never come. SO we use our up days to go forward and as the up days become more and more frequent we use them to get stronger and stronger "to become the person only a fool would leave."

Now, as I go forward and YES, I am moving forward todays rare contact from my WAS was a down or a bummer if I may say. Which set me off once again to the one thing that has me so damn frustrated as I've stated a few times. The lack of a talk. I lived the days and months prior to her leaving for the visit to her sons. I know how we were from our usual coffee to breakfast to lunch at Red Robin where she as always grabbed my hand and said a blessing over our burgers.
The was NO obvious indication of what was about to happen.

To close this out, my point is her email today was not necessary unless she is as I stated earlier, Preparing to file since her residency requirement will be met on 10/01. There can be no other reason to reach out since she hardly ever does. It is obvious what that email means and I was just reaching out here in DB....

Hang in there 2old, I know it's tough but we're in this together brother My W hired a lawyer to draw up the papers a month ago, 3 weeks ago she asked for info, I provided it the same day and haven't heard a peep about it since. What does it mean? Has she changed her mind, or is she just busy, or is she confused about it? Should I ask her, or should I say nothing, or should I drop some hints about it? The questions don't matter. All that matters is that I keep living my life and let her live hers, and that's what I'm doing. And that's what you must do too. Perhaps it'll help you if you just assume the worst and prepare for that. That's what I've done several times in my sitch, then when the worst does happen you're like "oh, that" because you've already long-ago accepted it as an eventuality. Maybe that doesn't work for everyone but it has worked for me.

Do you feel you could have closure if she gave you an explanation?

Thanx AS, yes we are all in this together aren't we....Oh well, I will be assuming the worse here and you might be right, by then it will be oh, I was expecting this. It's easier also when I use my logic to understand this is what the email is in regards to. Whether you are a WAS or an MCLer there in this case is no other reason to be concerned about keeping up with my address....

I dont know Sandi. Even is she doesn't speak I will be getting closure so I guess it doesn't really matter. Nor do I intend on pursuing it with her. I will remain steadfast in my n/c as nothing can be said to her and I must "Walk like A man"... Which thank you for the lyrics by the way! I have the song and always liked that one....I've posted those lyrics a couple of times on my thread...