Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Two Roads Diverged In a Yellow Wood... Part 2

Hey CP, just checking in.

Sounds like things are going pretty decent. Don't think you should back slide now with a personal boundary of needing to "know" yet. Be happy with progress, you cant shorten this process no matter how hard you try. Take the progess with a smile on your face, and no pressure. Your doing great.

Thanks for checking in everyone... I can feel the love!


Things are a lot better lately. (knock on wood). I seem to be getting out of this constant panic mode, and things are looking up. I am feeling the best I have in months, although this is a marathon not a sprint as everyone says

ForeverYoung, that is an interesting thought about the eye contact. A few months ago he would not look me in the eye at all, and was always staring off. He looked angry/distant/frustrated/a million miles away. Now it is more hit and miss. Over the past few weeks we have had more good days than bad days, which is new since the big 'bomb drop'. So now every so often we will look at each other and smile. It seems that things are getting better lately and there are more of those moments!

You're right, you definitely can tell by the eye contact!

Not Quitting, I think I will try to get back to my old job. You're right, I can still look for a new one at the same time, but I do need the security, (and money)!

I am still a little disappointed because I was looking forward to learning how to paint furniture.... I guess I can take that up as a hobby in my spare time, as a GAL activity! And then I will actually have the money to buy the paint and re-model some of the furniture in my own home! haha.

Hey FlyonTheWall... thanks for checking in! How are things with you? Hope everything is well. I felt I needed to set a personal boundary because this limbo was really getting to me. I know that DB'ing is supposed to help you detach so you don't get caught up or affected by everything. For a while there H and I were really tense around each other and he was acting so cold, and it felt he always wanted to escape being around me. I was getting this feeling that I was an inconvenience in his life and he wished that I was not around, and it was really starting to depress me and cause me anxiety. I have never gone through anything like this before!

So I set the personal 'time limit' because I knew that I could not handle feeling the pain and anxiety for months on end (without things changing or getting better). Funny thing was that immediately after I set the time boundary, things started improving between us. We were getting along all of the sudden, laughing, joking, having fun, doing things as a family, and actually hanging around each other and enjoying it! what?!!

So now that things are better and improving, I can handle this a LOT better. I feel so much relief.

I also feel that I have done A LOT of thinking over the past 6 months months, since BD. I have analyzed everything to death and thought over every little detail a million times. Trying to imagine every possible outcome and the consequences. If he wants to leave, I am not going to stand in his way. If he wants to stay in this limbo, I can handle it so long as things at least remain how they are now, or improve. I no longer feel the need to label what status our relationship is. If he wants to work on things I realize that will also take time. Sorry for ranting on Fly!

Take care.

Sounds like things are going really well.

Enjoy living in the gray, its really not bad and its actually is probably good practice for when you have teenagers.

ps Couples counseling is a waste if your H is having MLC

Hi CP!

Every time I see your screenname, I want to listen to Adele and cry my eyes out. I love Adele!

Anyway, I'm sorry about the job, but it sounds like you had a nice day with your family! And even though you didn't get that particular job, don't give up on applying for other jobs! I'm glad that things have been improving between you and your H!

"I also feel that I have done A LOT of thinking over the past 6 months months, since BD. I have analyzed everything to death and thought over every little detail a million times."

I know that process well. In my job, that's pretty much a requirement, so transferring the process to my sitch was only natural. If W does this, then this and this could happen. Then I'll do such and such. Plan A, with contingency B, Option C, and so on and so forth.

I did it so much my mind would go numb, and that was a close enough substitute for detaching that it would at least let me get some rest.:-/

Hi specialk! Yep, the screenname is Adele... I love her!! Every time I hear "Someone Like You" I want to burst out crying. She puts so much emotion into her music! I actually dressed up as her for Hallowe'en last year.. haha!!

Hi CP, sorry about the job, but at least you tried and know it wasn't meant to be with THAT job - no regrets for not trying! I agree with the other posters that you should go back to your old job for right now, but to keep looking for something that will make you less stressed and more content!

I'm also glad your H is being less awkward around you - baby steps! Hope you have a great week!