Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Me- LBS or WAS?

bug, your comments are always thought-provoking. They help me to double-back to some of the things I've previously covered but need to remind myself about.

You are right, I am NOT content to live in this limbo forever. Yet, it is a different kind of limbo now that H is in NC w OW (supposedly) and that I am where I am (don't really care what he is doing, more concerned with where I'm headed).

I have previously talked about my contributions to our M failing... and have 180ed my litte tushy off to try to change these things. I don't think I would revert back to old ways as the changes have really become a part of who I am.

Tori- you are right. I do have resentment toward my H. I do want to forgive him and I do think I can. I just don't know if I can AS HIS WIFE.

I texted my H late last night as I was feeling like I haven't really touched based my him about my feelings and wanted him to know, I said, "...sometimes things are just so hard alone... :("

He responded this morning, " You're not alone! We'll continue to work together to raise our boys as a team!"

I responded back later, "I appreciate the "team" mind-frame of raising our boys but I was referring to being without a loving and emotionally-connected partner in life. I find myself wanting this more and more."

His response, "Oh I see. I know I'm supposed to be that person and I haven't been for quite some time."

He also said he had an appointment with his C after work today, so I am hopeful he is working on his own path.

This is not entirely true. We didn't do anything different prior to BD, and look how much things changed! They can change again. (and likely will)

Labug, thank you for your last few posts here. I am finding your words and questions helpful also.

Back before DB I sent my W an apology email and said I was going to miss her and I got back almost word-for-word that same response. Still makes me gag a little, LOL! Your H doesn't care about your emotions, so don't share them with him. Share them here, or with your BFF, but NOT with your H.

This morning H called me on the way to work. He wanted to know how I was doing after my text, as he felt the impact of my words I'm pretty sure.

I have not shared my emotions so raw in a while.

I repeated to him that I just know that I am wanting a partner in life. My love tank is on "E."

He responded that he understands how I must be feeling. "It has been so long and nothing has changed."

That was a direct reference to his feelings for OW and his desire to have a R with her, I am quite sure.

I texted my work buddy and he came over to my room & I just cried. I can't explain it except it felt like I am on a plummet from the top of my roller coaster.

Work BFF and I have not missed a beat...no mention of his comment about me being "gorgeous," so I think I'll just let it go. For all I know he may be sorry he said it. And, I don't want us to become awkward, as I've said.

Sporatic texts from cute guy, but I'm realizing how very little I get in return for the energy I put into thinking about him. SO, I'm trying so hard to divert energy into daily life stuff

Hey,

Relax, I think you said "screw you" to the kiddie pool and the shallow end and got right up to that diving board of flirting 30 feet high .....and jumped right into the deep end.

Love tank is on E......don't be emotionally needy

I love the fact that you went to the movies alone. Awesome step. Scary awkward .....how's the bike riding?

Ride more and clear your head- you will feel better.....playing super mom isn't " doing for you" and it sounds like you need some of that now

Hey Turtle, I find myself wanting that support too, and as you may have noticed I texted H the same thing verbatim the other day.... I got back "I'm sorry..." LOL

Ummm... thanks?


Just to let you know I feel all the same things you do. I think we should schedule a girls' night (well PS can be an honourary girl) in October....

I'm all about a girl's night out in October! Tori will have to join us too! Of course PS is invited!

I think grace said it best on your thread...that maybe H's just don't have a clue how to head back in our direction and it's going to take them more TIME to figure it out.

I'm not sure how much more time I have in me to "wait" to see if H will eventually down the line maybe think about wanting to reconnect. I don't think he has even really seriously entertained that idea.

I think he's still waiting for OW to be back in his life (just projecting--I have no recent evidence of this except that he's said "nothing has changed" and last time we talked he said if the magic wand was waved he would want a R with OW.)

I have a tentative "timeline" to see where I'm at at the beginning of Nov (1 year after he moved out). If there has been absolutely no movement then I can't really believe I will want to continue a R that doesn't even exist any more anyway.

I am to the point now where D doesn't scare me. I won't be giving up a M--that is already gone. The only part about it that scares me is giving up time w my boys. And, I am working on being okay with that, knowing that their dad loves them and it is critical to their health and happiness to have a good R with him.

WOW......how do I spin this? I'm an honorary girl or a second chance at looking like a stud hanging with you two.....or three???

Saweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet

:P

I've read a lot of old reconciliation/ piecing threads, and have talked to friends and family members who have gone through S and D. It seems a more realistic timeframe for a WAS to come out of the fog is 2 years. Reconciliations do happen before that, but most of the examples I know of it was closer to 2 years. And there was ZERO movement before that time. Often it's almost like a switch is flipped, similar to BD. They were in love with us the day before BD, then BD, then they suddenly can't bear to be around us. Well similarly, there's often a reverse-BD. It's not usually a slow process, they go from being done to wanting to work on things practically overnight.

So do we sit around waiting? Not on your life. My attitude is I am moving on as if we're done, BUT, I'm not totally killing hope either. I'm not keeping a fire burning in my heart for W, but there's a small candle flickering and I'm cupping my hands around it to keep it from going out. I'm moving on in every way except getting heavily involved with an OW, and I'm trying not to close the door on anything in the future, I'll just let it unfold as it will.