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I know she won't go to the game. I am just trying to engage her in a bit of conversation. She vented and then went away... She may respond later. If she is around other employees she won't text much.

Okie dokie...

So the pattern continues. She reaches out. Plans fall through or communication drops off. I wait. Time goes by. She reaches out again...

I keep thinking .."keep doing the same thing, keep getting the same result"

But what could I do differently? My choices seem to be

1. Be more of a man by pursuing her and asking her to do something at a particular time at a particular place. (I have not done this except maybe the Vegas trip which was probably too much)

2. Next time she reaches out ignore her completely.

So you are saying that you are less of man by not pursuing her? Really? Wow.

Go ahead. Chase her. Put on a full court press. See where that gets you.

When she reaches out, and it is something that fits, then do it. Does not mean you have to accept them all.

While we were together she planed most of our dates, romantic get-always, and vacations. It would be a 180 for me to take initiative. I know that doing it now flys in the face of the "not pursuing rule"..

I'll be patient and see what happens next time something comes up...

I have been thinking about this a lot today and I am going to wait and see what w does next.

Nonetheless, it would seem that it might not be a bad thing to do ... to simply ask w to meet for drinks, provide details, and be assertive. Given that w has asked me the last few times, I would just be reciprocating the gesture. If I was ignored or turned down, I would back way off. Definitely no full court pressure. Anyway, for now I am going to let w lead for a while before I try that change up.

Hey 2taC,

Been doing some catching up since I got home, its so hard to post in a timely manner since im still on moderation after a month and over 30 posts.

Anyways, theres a lot of positives to take from some of your recent posts. I would agree that the wait and see approach is a good way to slow things down while getting a feel for how your wife comes to you a bit. You know your wife, you know the changes that need to be made, and reinforced.

I cant say if its too much, or too little too late. You will know, cause she'll make it obvious, either way. We've both been at this the same amount of time roughly. If there was anything I thought you might be doing wrong, is that your just having too many expectations/planning ahead still, but that's ok, cause guess what, from your posts its working. Everyone's sitch is so unique and I fully understand we have to each do our own tweaking. I'm glad your attacking your sitch in a way you feel comfortable and getting some results, but still willing to slow it down a bit.

Hang in there, you already know that the patience thing really seems to be the key. Are there other things that you have "tested". Light touching? a nice rub on the shoulder/back as your helping her to her seat when your out? is it too early?

Keep standing! keep it slow, keep listening, it looks like your doing good.

Here we go again....

Me; we got a fed refund of $xxx. This is less than the $xxx or so we should have received. (Tax lady) must have taken her cut out. Go ahead and take $xxx. We should still have enough to cover xxx bill.

Her: Cool. Thank u

Her: next Tuesday appetizers & drinks

I have not responded. But this is our pattern.

Your attitude is starting to bug me. She is reaching out to you which is a sight bit more than most people on here get from their WASs... and somehow this isn't good enough for you.

Why is that?

" It would be a 180 for me to take initiative. I know that doing it now flys in the face of the "not pursuing rule".."

You do understand that this is not a "forever" rule right? Eventually you're going to have to start going out with her if you want to heal your relationship.

She has been reaching out to you which is a good sign. Why don't you do something half way. She asked you out to drinks. Tell her "cool, but how about we go ..." and then suggest something. That way you both have input.

Incidentally, you should have been the one to plan romantic things to do with your W rather than she be the planner.