Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives Surviving the Big D Archives Here I am...

It is tough. Ill give you that. Perception isnt the question, when she continues to cheat, gets caught lies about it. We start the D and gets into another relationship a few weeks afyer bdrop. Says she is innlove with him. Lets our children see them kiss eachother. I think a little judgement isn't out of hand. I get what you are saying I truly do and I'm striving for the day when her and her actions are no longer on my mind. I want to let go and I'm on that path.

What I'm getting at is her perspective is different than yours right now. That may change in the future, who knows. Their is a difference between judging someone and recognizing behavior that is unacceptable to you. One comes from a place of arrogance the other from a place of knowing yourself and being true to your values. Basically do you want to shame her and cast stones?

I am in no way condoning cheating. I think you and I can recognize our spouses behaviors that we do not like and we can either accept them or separate ourselves from that behavior.

This is something I am having to learn. How do I express myself in a non judgmental way. Who do I want to be when the crap hits the fan?

I do not like a lot of actions my X has chosen to do. If I judge her than is it okay for someone else to judge what I do, because I do not act "right" all the time.

Bro this line of questioning has more to do with me than you, because these are things I still struggle with.

Perspective is a excuse. It means that I can lie to you or anyone because in my perspective it is the truth. I cannot be judged by anyone because from my point of view I haven't done anything wrong? The devil made me do it? No, that isn't acceptable.

I have about a billion things running through my head and they don't seem to be coming out right when I type them. I get that judgement doesn't fall to me. That [censored], because someone that can do this to me not once, or twice, but four times. Is someone that isn't right no matter the perspective. Judgement aside I can say that she is wrong. I'm not condemning her to hell, I'm not sentencing her. I'm saying it is wrong. By any standard, values, moral code.

I have been able to go to 4 Predator's games, I'm finally starting to get into hockey. I even have a jersey now

All's been relatively calm in my life the last few months. I have been busy with work, church and celebrate recovery...

I finally have the Harley and now my eyes are on a new vehicle. My truck has over 200k miles and it's about time to get something with less miles. I'm thinking a hot rod like a mustang GT...something over 400 hp and has an attitude. I'm going to sit on this decision until the first of the year. I may rent one for a week end just to drive it around.

Still not dating, sometimes I really want to date however I'm still needing to get over the D, so I think I'll wait a bit longer before jumping into the deep end.

My running is improving, I think I'm just about over the shin splints (painful buggers), that has been bothering me for some time now. I'm running 3.5 miles in about 32 min. My goal is to run a 10k in under an hour before the first of the year.

Work is going well, I have been asked to join an organization consisting of CEO's, exec's and supervisors. This group meets regularly and discuss a range of topics, kinda like a peer support group. This should be interesting and sounds like a great way to meet more people.

These all sound like good things sg! Pressing the "Like" Button

It's hard to know when you're ready to date. In my experience, you never feel ready! Like anything, sometimes you have to just push beyond your comfort zone. But, only you can really know when that's important enough for you to do. You sound like your life is full and that's wonderful. Enjoy

Glad to hear the update SG

Thanks Val and SIS, things have gotten better for me. Part of the problem for me was, the feeling of having no say in any of this. Whether we divorced or worked through our problems, how much money to pay my Ex, how much time I lose with my family etc... Once I figured out that I do have control and the control I have is over me. I choose to be the loving guy I always have been, not an angry pissed off guy that I was turning into. I choose to try to better myself, not blame my ex for everything. I figured out that I actually have a lot of choices.

Whatis, dating scares me just a bit. However when my emotions have reached a fairly stable point then I'll start thinking about it. I know it's just dating however, the whole process at this point seems overwhelming so, I'll wait a bit. Not very long though lol.

You sound great, SG! Dating is probably a developmental thing, you'll know when you're ready. It might still be uncomfortable at first but what do I know?

Let me rephrase my last statement. Dating does not scare me, what scares me is me needing to date and dating someone who is not good for me. Thats why I am taking my time. I lost my identity, a husband, family guy etc... I am rebuilding who I am. If someone drops in my lap well... it's on like Donkey Kong lol. I am not going to be actively looking for a little longer.

My son just purchased a 2008 Fat Bob Harley, man it's nice. We get to ride together now... that will be fun

I have my first meeting with that exec group coming up in a few weeks and I have to do a 10-15 min presentation on myself, oh boy...