Last night I got a hint of the principle that 'not everything is necessarily as happy as it seems' in relation to XH and his life with OW.
My football team won the semi-final unexpectedly - they were massive underdogs.
Kids and I were watching the telecast and riding every kick.
Context is that I consult for the team and have done for years. XH was also heavily involved with the team as a life-long supporter and in terms of business. We used to attend every game and travelled to every final together, no matter what.
It's the sort of thing that is tribal where I come from. A two-team town and identity is everything.
I was over-joyed with the result and so excited. I was getting calls and texts from friends and work-mates and thought... damn it, love of team is bigger even than divorce.
I rang XH to say 'Did you see that !!!'
He answered my call, Sounded like he had a really heavy cold, but I know he doesn't.
"No", he said; he hadn't watched the game. (I was amazed) I blurted the score.
He was silent, but didn't hang up.
I talked a little about some of the 'magic moments'.
He replied but sounded strangled and odd.
Then I heard 'EFF OFF" screeched by a harpy voice into the phone and the line went dead. It was OW.
Oh happy days... not. So glad that I'm no longer the one screaming and abusing people.
It then hit me that his voice sounded like someone whose nose was full of snot from crying.
Regardless, things are not as rosy as i imagined for him. I'm very glad that OW is starting to show her true colours. And given that XH is so attuned to 'rudeness', i wonder what he makes of her behaviour?
My gut just told me it was one of those times where I might have been able to show that we could still have civil interactions and even share good experiences.
And I know it's not very evolved of me to want to crow over his circumstances.
I had been imagining a carefree life of luxury and indulgence.
None of that matters, I know.
It was an emotional night and I let my emotions carry me away. They always have and it looks like I still have a lot of work to do.
Don't beat yourself up NLW, it's natural to feel a little vindication over something like that.
The WAS's new life with OP is rarely the nirvana they expected. In a lot of ways it's better if the affair never goes physical because the WAS can maintain the fantasy a lot easier. Once it goes physical there's no hiding from the fact that the new person has their flaws too, but worse, the WAS is still carrying all the baggage that they thought they were leaving behind when they ditched the LBS.
But the WAS is on their own journey, there is nothing we can do to speed them along other than to give them time and space while we work on ourselves.
I agree with AS. In our heads it must all be super wonderful with OP because, hey, they left everything behind to go, right?
Then they find out the grass is greener because of the huge amount of fertilizer that goes into making the surface look healthy. When it comes down to it? Different yard, same amount of work you were willing, or not willing to put into the first yard
You and I are in this boat together. Are you sure your X and mine aren't twins?
Seriously? Stop paying your lawyer and I will give the kids medicine? Seriously? What kind of self-serving crap is that? It smacks of desperation.'
I am so sorry to hear about your father. My father passed away 14 years ago yesterday. I cried a lot yesterday. The hurt is still there as fresh as it was the day he died. I don't think it ever gets easier, you just get used to it is all. I will pray for a miracle.
And I hope your X was crying. I hope he's living a miserable existence with OW. It serves him right. My sympathy level for these MLCers is at zero and dropping quickly.
Take care of yourself and those kids.
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Thanks, WH. I'm trying to work out if it could possibly be. They've just spent almost a month sailing and flying around the world. That doesn't fit with being heavily pregnant, does it? Can't see him hiring a car seat in advance...
Got to detach, regardless. But this is a real test. I'm so worried about how my kids will take the news - if it is the case. D17 has her final exams coming up in a few weeks' time.
