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hey hi and no problems-

this family stuff- if nothing else it's either confirmation i'm icky- OR - IT'S a distraction from mlc insanity.

HERE'S THE THING - this woman has decided that the spew from sister & her h & my mom ( less so- but a problem as well-(ongoing always , her dissatisfaction with me ) - is unacceptible and has kind of pushed me over some line with this latest ambush.

(it's the 2nd time an mom emergency ending in a hospitalization & alot of worry & time & stress for me alone - has ended with my sister's h telling me - when it's all sorted & "fixed up" what a rotten person i am (wait- i lie- i'm a "horrible daughter" and "horrible person" and "should be ashamed of myself" - . I AM SEEING A TREND AND I AM NOT GOING DOWN WITHOUT A FIGHT.

THAT sis felt compelled to tell me she "hates me - everyone hates me". well, i get it's their anger issues - BUTTTTTT

(older sister verbally supportive - but never ever "there" - and next younger - actually helps out a bit & is here too a bit) - HOWEVER

i think - somehow - i will be conveying to them all that i do not accept any longer this role i'm cast in (as THE only RESPONSIBLE ONE) , in this family.

i've always "bought in" to the notion that i am here and most likely candidate for mom-care - peacemaker - go-between, etc.) - - - and i do what i can because i'm free to- AND CHOOSE TO. (MY OWN conscience and "goodwill" (for want of a better way to put it).

now, in light of "power couple's" (& everyone) making plain their disdain & EXPECTATIONs that i continue without question ; and their certainty that it's my "JOB" and whenever they waltz in or out i automatically pick up the entire load and carry it until they see fit to "drop by" again,

I find myself thinking NO . i am shoved into a new feeling about my self in life and my role with all these people i thought cared about me - as well as how i care about them. (thanks a lump MLC)...

the feelings are not equal- i may have expected more than i should have from (well, everyone) them all in life. my mistake.

i am going to figure out how to be same old "good egg" and nice guy i actually am ...

- BUT stand my ground with them too - and convey i will no longer accept position - of the family dumping ground - nor am i the "rock" they all get to use as a stepping stone to their own ends. idk how really- but i'm going to try- and take a stand of some sort.

sadly (for them) - i still see myself as a person with the right to a certain amount of respect for what i do & what i am. i never made an issue of fact that it benefitted them all to have me here stepping and fetching for mom - at the least i thought it was appreciated. it's nothing to them all- since they don't do it at all- they don't appreciate it at all...

who knows- maybe i'll just say i'll do one month out of four- you guys feel free to figure out how you'll "do" your month of care - it's nothin to me. what? equality?????

see how that flies. i am very "done" after the tongue lashings that have been dealt out around here.

ta da- this woman STANDING UP - YES, contrary to popular opinion- there is a spine in there... somewhere.....

too bad when people mistake flexibility & "understanding" for desire to be doormat.

oh well - oops -

me - standing (up) still...

wish me luck man....

xxoo

Hey Nero, good for you. There is nothing wrong with standing up for yourself. No one deserves to be treated disrespectfully, family or not.

You are like me, in that we try to do the right thing, sometimes to our detriment. I have worked hard to learn to say no when I have to (though to be honest, I still have a ways to go there - LOL). I have gotten much better.

In return, my family and friend have slllooowwwly come around to realizing all that I do and have done.

And for those who still have issue, well, thats on them.

So very sorry we werent able to meet today. I was so looking forward to it. I hope we can try again soon.

BTW, I love organizing. Yea, I know, whoo hoo. I need a life. LOL!

Anyway, it helps to make three piles. Stuff you are going to donate or sell, stuff to keep, stuff to throw away.

Then go through the keep pile again. If there are things in there you havent used or needed in more than a year, think about getting rid of it.

I have been getting rid of alot of stuff. Who needs to leave it for someone else to go through when Im gone - ya know?

Anyway, funny story. They call me, in my family, "Angel of death" Ok, thats not the funny part.

Whenever anyone passed away, in my family or my xh's, no one wanted to go through their things. Someone had to, so, it came down to me.

I tried real hard to get someone else to do it each time, but, nope, me.

Hence, my nickname. LOL!

Anyway, I just realized that my stuff was just that, stuff. And so, I have slowly been purging. It really is freeing when you get the hang of it.

And not once have I ever regretted getting rid of something.

Hope this helps.

i think you're going to be exactly right - i WILL FEEL GOOD when i get rid of some stuff.

it's not in our living space - (well, except my workroom) but it is "there" making me edgy. i'm going to be free and i know it-

wouln't you think that would make me go do it quicker? and you're rite- i look around my mother's house- going there in a few min. (eeeek iccck)

and see her "stuff" and it is all just extra stuff in life. when i'm a minimalist (at the end of the day- whenever that is) i know it'll be a good thing.

i'm just ready since i'm being thrust into a changed life- to make that change too

just hard still when i begin to sort to shut off the "maybe i'll need this" thing. the job helps- a paycheck goes a long long way to making me feel like - well, something... it helps

xxo gotta blow dodge here

Nero, I can feel your changes coming.Yippee!

While I know it isnt what you wished, it's what you got, so might as well go with it and find the positives.

They say we spend the first half of our life acquiring stuff and the second half getting rid of stuff.

I so get the mindset that you might need it someday. I havent needed a single thing since I started this purging.

You will get there when you should.

I just feel like I can breathe better without all the stuff. Clear the surroundings, clear the mind.

Hi Nero! I'm so sorry your family expects you to be the sole caretaker for your mom. And then to be so nasty about it and tell you that you're a bad daughter?! And that they hate you!! Sheesh! I bet it's because you live alone most of the time, hence don't have or maybe are not deserving of a life. Double sheesh! 

Good for you for deciding to  to take a stand, and no longer be the family's dumping ground and beast of burden. You're right - they don't seem to appreciate all that you do at all. 

Have you made some kind of plan for digging in your toes and demanding some respect? Nero's last stand! Maybe a simple "I'm busy" will suffice. After all you are working now, right?

Hey I started to purge my house of 38 years of accumulated junk too, and for the same reason as uR - I wouldn't want anyone else to have to do it should I die. Or run away. I was looking at our old paperwork in boxes in the cellar today. Why do we need our phone bills from 1987? I am not too confortable just chucking it all out in the trash though, and the thought of shredding it all is daunting. And don't you think courderoy Annie Hall pants will come back into style?

oh man-

i have a pair of slax & top from the 70s, fitted waist with pleats and then baggie around the top and tapered ankles in a very big - loud kind of modified plaid- oh man- what a fright - AND I THOUGHT they would be back-

if they were - who would want to wear them. it's such a funny little bit of the past- linda and i each had an outfit- we were sooooo cool once when we were young & hot. .

re - mom duty - - - so far i just don't answer the texts or e-mails- she's going thru other sister - who says in response to inquiries about me "filling in" she just said - "you guys burnt a very big bridge" and left it at that. i said she could tell her i took her advice and moved to FLa. idk- i don't care really what the heck she thinks.

the more i am "off duty" the more chilled i get. idk how this freaks me out so much- the trauma of the emergencies and hospitalization.

oh well- who i am. meltdown after it's allllll taken care of and done and over. job complete.

i don't know how you remain so devoted and philosophical. tonite - no call, me, sure he's with ow- why else no call? i just want to hate him really- it'd be soooo easy if i could just give in and let it take over. maybe anyway- nice thought.

i do not know why i don't more thoroughly and completely.

it could be a solution here - rite??? oh well- had a bit of bailys' and took a sleepng pill

only spent a couple hrs at mom's with my neice- then i let neice drive for frst time in a very big and deserted graveyard we have here- it's got an entire section that is uninhabited and has a nice little road - she was thrilled. and practiced for maybe an hour. a pleasant treat for her- she's a good sport about going to my mother's with me- and was relaxing to boot..

nothing like being able to make someone happy to put ya in a good mood.

went home and painted the big gate and kitchen cabinet doors- just freshened them up wth white golss.

i don't know- wish i could blubber for a week solid and be done forever.

oh well huh? another stinking nite- i'm icky so i'm going. i'm hoping your eye is okay-

xxo

Nero,

Thanks for checking in on me. I do know where I am at, and what I want. They say you will know and I know!

Tho I have no answers, I am happy to walk in the unknown. I made a comment to H yesterday because he said, you are strong because I made you strong these last few yrs. I said, you don't know me at all, I was 17 when I left home and never looked back, they sought me out after 10 yrs, and our R still doesn't work, time doesn't heal wounds.

You want to go and think in 10 yrs your gonna come back. There will be nothing here for you, who will take your family away, your family! He said well your parents deserved that....oh I said, and now so do you!

It was like he came to a realization that he is an a$$. He was taken aback and said, OMG, your right. Didn't speak again.

These lousy MLCers are not smart, there not clever, they are selfish and narcissistic, and your right, I am done. And, I do know!

I takes a while to know, and actually want to admit it!

Your so strong and so active, you are your own strength even now, you can see that. YOu are smart and you know what you want. You have a lovely home and your cute as a little red button. Whatever you decide, know that your right and move forward with it, and be in control.

We can use our own strength to move forward, or to keep us stagnant and unsure for ever. I don't have forever!

(((((((nero))))))) dm p.s check your email.

hey hi- you sound so good today- i'll go check. glad to hear your voice.
(( )) back manxxoo

Hey Nero, I can see your working through some stuff. Thats good.

It is ok to be who we are. To be kind if we want, to love if we want, to say no if we want, to be sad if we want.

It doesnt make us any less than, ya know? That's what I've learned.

And it is ok for you to feel hurt about your family and how they are treating you, how they've treated you.

You deserve to be respected no matter what they think.

My friend, I want so much for you to see what we see. You are extraordinary, really. So bright and funny and insightful.

And you are all that regardless of what your h is doing or not doing.

Sometimes it is ok to just see what happens, to go with the flow, as long as it does not crush your spirit. Sometimes not making a decision is a decision.

Do stuff that fills you up.

I would love to have a chance to meet you. I think we would have a blast. I hope I get that chance.

Good for you for freshing up the cabinets. A nice new coat of white makes them fresh and new.

check your email.