Hi Cindy , You gave me great comfort in your support last week....telling me to stay with Wiley's great advice. Now, I'm finally caught up with your sitch and first I want to say..."WOW"...you really have been on a rollar coaster ride!! (((((((((CINDY)))))))))
You have been processing so clearly....DBing all the way, recognizing where the emotions/anger get in the way, yet that what this forum is for. Really....keep up the Winning Cindy stuff....that is working. You are very strong and facing the evil influence of H's confusion head on.
I'm still a novice here, and continually learning alot....stay with Wiley's guidance, I am....he seem to see it all so clear.
Take care and stay strong. Keep coming here to vent....tons of experienced DBers here for support.
Cindy, Remember what they say here, " believe nothing of what they say and only 50% of what they do."
I'm here waiting too, H will do this on their timeline not ours. Ask yourself, "what would you be doing different if you were D?" I answer, pretty much what I'm doing now; eating, sleeping spending time with D's and GS. Starting a home business. I don't want another man in my life, probably never will. I M my H for life, as far as I'm concerned he is my Lifemate. I mate for life.
I'm so distraught. It is hard to let go. I've been at the letting go stage like this 4 times!!! ANd every time I cry, cry, then start to go on and h comes back in the picture. I don't know if this time around if he's for real or not. I cry now in an attempt to purge him from my system but dread that he will come back and I'll be doing this all over again.
How can a person keep doing this and LIVE? I'm like you I can't see myself with someone else. My h is what I wanted.
Yet Flying Free has a point...if h came home right now I'd be living the way I detested the past 7 years. He has not changed.
This may just be a test to check my sincerity. I called for him to give me back my stuff I left in his apartment and he has not removed the items. He may have thrown them in the trash, maybe wants to give them to me in person or is looking to have me come over to his place. (I'm going to refuse to go to his place at all!!! And he best not come to my work, I dont' want to see him there!!!) I'm just going to go with him throwing my stuff away.
It's funny but just on Monday I saw our couple photo from his Christmas party on his dresser. He actually had in mind to divorce me yet keeps our photo on display. What kind of game is he playing?
I'm so darned upset by all this...I can't see how I can stomach anymore.
I've come to the same conclusion...my h sees me as the bad guy but fails to look at himself as the cause of 50% of the difficulties we have. Whenever I try to ask him what changes he's made recently he can't name anything only to continually tell me how wrong I'm doing it.
I try to be as encouraging as I can with his small changes like calling me back, taking us out as a family, being affection, etc...I make a big deal of it. It has done no good.
You are right...he has some kind of ulterior motive. What that is I do not know. Apparently it is to keep seeing me after d...well it was until I dismissed the d without telling him. Now he says I'm not worthy to date.
His mind is just warped right now. I find some sick satisfaction in that he's finally admitted what has been on his mind all along...to d. It's hard to realize that no matter how much you love someone ultimately they can make a decision that will tear your heart out and act like they never knew you.
It's painful right now. And I dread tomorrow...since tomorrow he said he was going to court to put in for d.
I'm sorry I disappointed you there. I have to admit to a moment of complete insanity but I did not follow thru. I went to h and told him to go ahead and file if that is what he felt was the right thing to do.
I admit also to continued insanity in the midst of this crisis but my h knows nothing. To our mutual friends I appear uncaring, moving on, busy. But here alone right now my heart breaks and I have nothing but tears.
But you are right:
Quote: . I've always felt in your sitch that if you just simply LET GO, and LET HIM KNOW you've LET GO, you'd see him come around more. BUT you always seem to take two steps forward and then one HUGE step back, because you are SCARED OF LOSING HIM.
The process of letting go is a decision that is made at every waking moment I find. It not something that is easy nor is it something that once made stops the pain. I struggle every minute to let go of 14 years with this man. Not all the years were good but there are many memories. I know I'll be ok, it's a process, every day will get better. But the knowing doesn't make the letting go any easier.
Thanks for your words, I knew you'd be there for me and slap me to my senses. Thanks! I needed that!
Ok my determination is crumbling! I want to call h to at least tell him I miss him.
I know it is a bad idea but my heart is just breaking that he wants to d me.
Got any ideas for what I should do now while I wait as far as the r is concerned? I'm suppose to see h Saturday at our sons' soccer game. Should I say anything?
Do something you enjoy. Have a friend over to the house. Take care of yourself. If you're taking the steps to "get a life" you won't miss him nearly so much. ((((Cindy))))
Cindy, When you see him treat him like you would a friend. Say hi, but don't ask how he is, they hate when you do that. "act as if" you are moving forward" this doesn't mean to act like he will no longer be a part of your life.
His journey, let him to it! Sometimes they say they want a D, but most of the time it's all talk.
Now to make it easier on you, either take up some new hobbies are pick up some old ones that you quit making time for. Stay busy!
Cindy....hang tough...you can do it! Get fresh air, burn some energy, remind yourself that YOU have to make YOURSELF happy. I know your heart hurts...it's sooo hard, but you will make it through this journey and be so much stronger, happier, and evolved because of this. I, too have to give myself that pep talk.....practice in the mirror. Take good care of youself and hang with those that love you and enjoy your company right now.
Quote: Ok, my determination is crumbling. I want to call H to at least tell him I miss him. I know it is a bad idea but my heart is just breaking that he wants to D me.
Wow. Looks like the WINNING CINDY is AWOL..She wouldn't even consider that fatal a mistake at this point in time. The WINNING CINDY thinks with her head, says to herself.."he's not calling to say he MISSES ME or TO APOLOGIZE TO ME, or anything that a CARING H would do, why should I MISS that.."..Then of course she worries only about what she can control which is BEING HAPPY, STRONG, SECURE, CALM, STAYING ACTIVE, FOCUSING ON THE KIDS, and maybe even calling her old male pal to go out for a drink..nothing serious, just boost that old PMA a little..
The last thing she does is call her H at this point in time, she finds the strength to let him make the next move towards contact, which he will SURELY do, IF he gets the feeling she is FINALLY SERIOUS about letting him have what thinks he wants..a D..
Again, thats what the WINNING Cindy would do, but you go ahead and call him to tell him you miss him if you think that will remotely change his mind..
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