I hope that is the reason for his silence and not him gearing up to give me a big whallop by filing for d!
The more I think on it the more I'm convinced my h has a gf. I mean what else could be the explanation for this flat out refusal to stay married? Could the thought of me filing AFTER we reconcile be that detrimental to him?
I'm tired of trying to figure it out. I'm hurt that he would use me and the boys like this and then cast us aside. I'll wait to see what he does...there's nothing more that I can do now. It's up to him.
Cindy
It's confusing to say the least to try to explain this behavior. He's been so loving the last month...going to counseling, taking us out to the park, returning my calls, etc. WTH?
Was he just trying me on like a pair of shoes? found me to pinch his 'lifestyle' and decided to try another pair?!
Oh, Cindy. I feel for you. What a bummer! I agree with the others that if your H was acting, you would have known. Nobody can keep up appearances for that long.
I think it's interesting that your MC said that your H was only there to complain about you. In my first session with my H, our C gave H a stern talking to about his body language in communication. He was clearly not happy, but instead of taking issue with the C. He nodded and said, "Okay, but what are we going to do about HER behavior." Then he proceeded to paint me as some kind of monster. I'm not saying that he didn't have a few valid points about me, but I did notice that the timing was very interesting.
C has been gut wrenching to say the least. I've realized there are a few things that I need to change, that I'm not so sure I want to change. Your H may just need the time to really think about what it's worth to him.
I know that sinking feeling that your S is out there trying to muster the strength for a bombing. Let's hope that he's doing more thinking than that. Take care. --z
Quote: know that sinking feeling that your S is out there trying to muster the strength for a bombing. Let's hope that he's doing more thinking than that.
I'm not sure that I have anything helpful to add...just wanted to tell you I know what you are feeling and I feel for you. I think zero expressed it perfectly.
My H told me a couple of weeks ago that he has made up his mind; that he will be filing for D. I have now spent the past two weeks stressing out to the point where I had a mini-anxiety attack earlier this week. I keep wondering if/when he will file, is he filling out the paperwork, will I go home today and find something in the mail, etc... I keep reading into everything he says and does then it hit me yesterday....there's not a single thing I can do that will change his mind if that is what he is going to do. He's like a fast running train and I can't stand in front of it and stop it.
I'm not saying I'm giving up, I'm just not going to worry about it as much (or least I will try my hardest this weekend). I've tried to imagine the absolute worse that can happen and make a plan around that. If it comes to it, I'll have a plan.
My point is, keep busy, do things for you and your sons, stop expecting it any day now and just let H be for now. He's going to do what he's going to do.
You know from the meeting Monday that I wanted very badly to convey to you that I was wrong to file the divorce. The point of the meeting was to say I was going to take responsibility for my wrong by making it right. In order to make it right I would need to stop the divorce. Tim said that the meeting Monday was important....that I'd be taking a stand for the marriage. I'm sorry you thought there was still a meeting with the judge and that you missed work because you didn't understand that by not wanting the marriage I would stop it. We did give you time to ask questions during the session and we assumed that you knew what I intended. I'm sorry that my attempt to do right was not what you expected. Like it was said in the session, it is your decision now...I've made mine. I ask that you not reject the boys and I...we love you and we need a father and husband for this family. We want you. We love you.
Ok, I'm writing when I feel depressed. So whack away but give advice as I will call him tomorrow afternoon.
Cindy, I don't know if you should leave that voicemail. I'm too new to your sitch. This is such a hard place to be. Go with your gut feeling. You can't go wrong with that. Don't read anything into what he says or does right now. He probably isn't sure of what he wants.
When you can't make a decision because you are torn between your heart and your head, listen to the half with the brain.
Yes, Cindy, It's short and to the point. The aliens get bogged down in too many words, so we have to learn to speak in their language if we want to make a point. Pattie
When you can't make a decision because you are torn between your heart and your head, listen to the half with the brain.
Yes, I'd like to plead, beg, whine...I'm SCARED!!! What will he do? Is he going to file? I'm about 80% sure he's going to refile come Tuesday.....arrrghghg!
You're right I'm pleading. How about I'm sorry I was not more clear that there was not going to be a court hearing Friday. Let's meet with the counselor On Monday to talk.
Ok how's that? I'm not sure silence is my best tactic here. I'm sure the thought since I did not return his call on Friday that it indicated I knew I was wrong.
