Quote: I'm having the D dismissed also, but my H insisted we needed to get one.
H said this to me in September by November he wanted a continuance.
Quote: As for your hubby being crabby, could be something else; leave him alone. If he feels he needs to tell you whats bothering him he will, don't push!
Yeah, I suppose when he's good and ready he'll tell me...either at counseling or on our next date. Actually I'm probably better off not knowing...most of the time it is not something good about me.
Quote: I don't like the fence sitting either! Or the Limbo land!
Yeah, it sucks! I hate the not knowing, the wondering what will happen, trying to figure out his mood, wondering what I'm doing wrong, and will this ever end!!!???? It irks me to say the least !!!
Quote: be his friend and go with the flow
But no here I am being friendly , acting as if and going with the flow . I'm acting like his mood yesterday was no big deal. I acted the same as if he was in a good mood. Called him this a.m. sounding upbeat.
I guess tomorrow I'll find out if he wants to be with the boys and I this weekend.
Aggressive people may be shielding themselves in reaction to some old, deep wound. You see only what you want to see. Life could be so wonderful beyond those filters.
Lets take a look at how we could have RELIEVED PRESSURE a little better, because we know GOOD things happen when we do that..
Quote: ..but at least he got out of the car and came into the library. Thats a positive. He sat over reading a magazine while I got the presentation done.
Perfect, no problems there, he's reading you're presenting everything is just fine. Imagine if you had simply just kept presenting RATHER THAN..
Quote: I went at one point to ask how he was cause he looked out of sorts..he says aren't you suppose to be doing the presentation? Oh, I said yeah but are you ok. He says yeah why..oh you seem out of sorts..
Cindy, he says he's fine, so leave him be, why agitate him if you SENSE he's standoffish? If you had to go over and check up on him, when he told you he was fine just say.."OK, great, this won't take much longer and we'll be outta here, thanks for being here with me.." Can you see how ACTING AS IF EVERYTHING IS JUST FINE, and handling it in that fashion, MAY have reduced pressure?
Quote: On impulse I asked what he did last night. He says he and his friend Sammy hung out...(I wonder if thats all they did?)
The WINNING Cindy of course doesn't ask her H what he did last night, unless he volunterers to tell her. If anything, SHE tells HIM what SHE did last night, and acts excited about it, that has far more benefit, than vise versa. Asking your H about his whereabouts, allthough perfectly innocent, is PRESSURE. Especially when he's standoffish to begin with.
Sometimes Cindy, its not what you do as much as making sure you don't do something to set you back. Be happy with things and accept them just as they are, realizing your H is capable of being grumpy and standoffish, just like he was capable of being as CONSIDERATE as he was last weekend.
Let me ask you this, when your H was really being NICE last weekend and doing things the way you liked, did you at any point "ask how he was cause he looked out of sorts?". My guess is you didn't, SO, just because he's moody, don't do it now either. Play both moods equally..and stick to what works, NO PRESSURE.
Quote: Hold your steady course and try your best not to let any of his particular moods change what you're doing, and where you eventually want to be.
Yes, JJ is right, that is EXACTLY the way you should handle things.
I see what you are saying by pressuring him. Reading how I was pressuring makes me realize that I'm displaying my anxiety to him. You are right I was off by repeatedly asking him how he was...when he said fine I should have left him alone.
I'm constantly curios as to what he's up to in the evenings...but you're right letting him KNOW I am gives him power. I should not ask those questions anymore.
Quote: Be happy with things and accept them just as they are, realizing your H is capable of being grumpy and standoffish, just like he was capable of being as CONSIDERATE as he was last weekend.
I"ve let assumption get the best of me...I take his bad mood as an indication that something is wrong with me or the r. I can't handle not KNOWING what it is!!!! It bothers me that when he is with me...he's so grouchy!!! Is it about me I wonder...is the primary thought in my head.
Quote: Let me ask you this, when your H was really being NICE last weekend and doing things the way you liked, did you at any point "ask how he was cause he looked out of sorts?". My guess is you didn't, SO, just because he's moody, don't do it now either. Play both moods equally..and stick to what works, NO PRESSURE.
So you are saying that if i'm heavy on the ACTING AS IF...both of his moods will not effect me? I'll be the same no matter what mood he's in, is this right? I think I get it.
Quote: Are you doing something FUN today or tonight?
Nothing fun tonight since I have the kids...it's a homework night. Then I'm on my treadmill.
But tomorrow I plan on going out to the movies.
Usually h calls to ask what I'm doing then wants me to come over to spend the night Sunday night. I let him know that the boys and I have the day off Monday to see if he'd like to get together all day then. If not he's to let me know tonight so that I can get out of town for the weekend!
My h also just called to ask if the boys' practice did indeed get rained out. I said yes. He said give the coach my home # so that I can know too what is going on. He said make sure to get a schedule so that I can let work know for sure what days I'm going to be out for the boys' games. Then he said ok, that's all goodbye.
Sometimes it is so hard to talk to him when all he does is talk AT me. No real convo when I would like to talk to him about my day, how things are REALLY going, etc. Maybe someday that will happen. Hopefully sooner than later!!!!
OMG! This morning I called h's place to leave a message. I was so surprised when he answered the phone. He always at work on Fridays. I said hey what are you doing home...he says we have a court appearance today. I said no we don't. He says how can we not?
I said well we went to counseling on Monday where the c and I told you that I was dismissing.
he started yelling saying I was a liar. That i didn't tell him I was dismissing it, that I had a convo with him in my head and thought I had told him.
I said how could you not understand that it was going to be dismissed? I mean the c told you flat out.
He said you need to shut your mouth. I'm going to the courthouse and filing for d right now.
I had to hang up cause he kept yelling how I was a liar!
Cindy, The alien is simply PO'd that he misunderstood, forgot, whatever, and in true alien mode is taking it out on you. Same old, same old. However, you will refuse to be rattled, you will not take it personally, you will feel sorry and compassionate for him and you will validate his feelings of confusion, whatever. His brain is NOT working at full speed, you know that.
Sit tight. Find the humor in it.
A conversation in your head? That you forgot to tell him? Isn't that a movie plot or something?
It will be okay. If he wants to file, let him file...
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
I'm in shock! I can not believe it. I honestly think he's totally upset that he took a day of vacation for nothing...I really think that's it. He's mad cause I didn't tell him there would not be a court appearance.
But then again what do you think will happen if the case is dismissed? There WON'T be a court appearance!!!
does the man honestly not know that? I'm thinking yes.
I tried to be careful but I was not careful enough to explain exactly what it meant to dismiss.
H just called to leave me a message. Said that on monday at our mc appt that we had all decided that it was his responsibility on Friday to give his answer to the divorce. H said there was no talk of dismissing the case.
Apparently all this has been is a long good bye...all the affection, dates, time together on the phone was nothing but a good bye.
, acting as if 
and going with the flow 
. I'm acting like his mood yesterday was no big deal. I acted the same as if he was in a good mood. Called him this a.m. sounding upbeat. 
