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Breathe, grasshopper, breathe!

So the date never happened. W had a work report due, and as of 10 pm last night she still wasn't finished. She text me pic of her computer screen. W has always prioritized her work over everything else.

I am going out of town for the long weekend... So next week maybe... I don't think that seeing each other every three or four weeks will be enough to spark anything new...

I know that w has some interest in spending time with me, but neither one of us are making it a priority. I feel that if I showed too much interest I would push her away. I just wish I knew her motives in wanting to spend time with me...

I think she is working local today. Maybe I should suggest lunch, or at least suggest she come by and get her mail...

I will echo bug's and Kate's comments....

You seem to attach a lot of expectations to everything, and then you try to figure out "what does it mean?" Let all that go. Enjoy the time with her and let her lead for a bit. Stop trying to interpret everything....just go with it.

Yah! Ya tink to much about tings, fershur!

Expectations lead to resentments... Natural chain of events.

Break the chain.

Yeah... It is hard for me to turn my brain off. I am an academic. I teach economics, statistics, and research methods. I also worked in psychological test development for 15 years ... So I know enough about psychology to get myself in trouble...

That's just me ...

I read other's situations and analyze those too. Looking for patterns to emerge... Not enough data to come to any conclusions yet... Remember "for example" is not data...

So this morning I wake up in vacation home in mountains to the following text from w:

Good morning. Wanted to call u last night but very latr. Meltdown from work overload. Needed to talk to someone who has been there with me & understands how to calm me down...

Thoughts?

Say something like...

"I am hear to listen anytime"...

My thought.

I essentially told her I was there for her.... It felt like the right thing to do. My only concern is that I don't want to be just her emotional support while she get her other needs met elsewhere.

Im not sure what the pros would say but I think its not a good idea to 'be there for her any time'.

This is my third thread (other than my thread on attraction Here ) and while it has only been six months, it has been quite a journey. I see that many have been DBing for years. I praise those of you who are able to keep going. I just don't know how long I can hold onto hope. I am in weird place in that I feel that I may be close to having a breakthrough, but I also am having many thoughts of just giving up. It would be so helpful to me if I could have a better understanding of what my w is thinking. It is this "come closer, no go away" kind of feeling my w seems to be projecting. It makes it very difficult to detach.

Today I floated down a river in inner tubes with my two teenage kids and two of their friends. It was a wonderful relaxing day, but in the end I missed my w. I miss the adult companionship of having a best friend and partner to be there with me on a family vacation. I want that again. I could hold on another 6 months but there are no guarantees.

If w was still acting as if she wants nothing to do with me, I probably would just move on. But instead she will draw me in and then take space again. Is anybody else in a situation where it feels like at any moment your wayward spouse may come around, but they just kind of stay in that place?