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Hey, ruby,

Wondering about your date w SE2. Do you think he wants a R with you, or is he accepting of the fact that you aren't ready for that?

I think that one of the reasons I continue to text/hang out with cute guy is that both of us are in it "for fun." Sometimes I wish he wanted more (& eventually I DO out of a R), but for now it keeps things simpler.

It seems that your date is romancing you a bit, no? NOt that you shouldn't enjoy that, BTW! Just keep your eyes wide open... I know you will! I wish I had your sense of clarity!

I can relate to being a slave to emotions. I've never really cared about what others thought of me, except for those close to me. Kinda comes with the line of work I'm in. I currently take peoples children from them for a living. That is part of my break down with H. I relied too much on his not making me feel good. However, I don't believe that a good M should go on like that for any period of time.

As for the sex thing, I have the question in my mind. My DB coach told me it is a bond with H. That is the only part of our M that hasn't fallen apart. Go figure. As long as we can keep our emotions in check and expectations down, I guess we'll be ok.

Details on the date!!!

I don't know how your endure your talks with H about his GFs. I don't know that I have the skin to do it.

You know? You guys all rock, Linda, RT, Hopeful, Turtle, Bug, AS etc.etc etc. You actually have been my rock, your support, advice, kicks in the head make me a better person everyday (Tori, BD, Subguy, SD, KG ,Busting..... you all know who you are)

SE2- great date, like him, easy to talk with, fun to be around, cut him loose tonight.
1) He is looking for relationship, I am not.
2) I am carving time away from me and my kids to spend time with him. I am not willing to do that to him, me or my kids.
3) Possibly still in love with H (sh*t) Okay facetious but is true and not fair to a guy who was starting to really want to spend some time with me.

So authenticity means I am going to have to ask the hard questions of myself beforehand next time...Why am I here and what do I want out of this?

I start a fulltime internship plus classes plus an hour commute two times a day soon. I will barely have enough time to sleep never mind give to someone else.

Hopeful- I talk about GFs because I would rather not hide, I find knowing rather than guessing is easier to deal with,

Turtle- dates were nice...geographically we are far apart, makes it even more difficult.

Linda-awaiting my contract any day.

Courage is not the absence of fear. I find fear is the hardest thing to live with, so I will not do it anymore.

"Courage is not the absence of fear. I find fear is the hardest thing to live with, so I will not do it anymore."

but how? How? By just deciding you won't, and facing up to the possible svckiest worst possible future? You are brave Ruby, in talking to him about his GFs, in how you push yourself, in how you kindly set SE2 free. Let him go with love too. I guess DBing is for living, not just saving our marriages.

And of course you're still in love with H.

Fear is a part of life unfortunately, learning to tell the difference between unfounded fear and real fear is tricky. Courage is realizing fear is there and proceeding ahead despite that feeling of fear.

Ruby, be true to yourself. One thing I have learned through this is I cannot wait for the perfect wife, girlfriend, partner to complete me. I need to forge ahead with life allowing God and myself to complete me. In other words I need to be a complete person without needing another to "make me feel" good about myself. Then and only then will I be able to find a healthy relationship. Keep working on you Ruby.

You rock!!!

This is great, Ruby. Growth comes from knowing ourselves.

So many parallels. In my sitch, I decided to cut ties....at least as much as possible. I think the continued contact was preventing her from truly figuring out her stuff. As long as I was there as her crutch, she just seemed to spin the same pattern over and over.

Are you watching your H for those same patterns? Is he circling? Or is he progressing?

In answer to the fear post I certainly realize that fear is part of life. But what I am saying is to look at why it exists in areas of our lives and what we can do about it. Facing them down instead of ignoring the why is tough but I find that the pit in my stomach goes away. The hamsters stop running and I am truer. I only refuse to let fear move in.

My last great fear is letting H go completely. So this speaks to BD. I am getting there on my timeline. Takes a lot of work to get there. I was exploring this myself last night when I thought of H and massage girl. How he is not done and still loves her. If he goes back then that will be when I cut the ties. To give him clarity perhaps and to protect my heart. This is the only boundary I have.

If that day comes, I'll be looking for my DB wolf pack

Your pack is here. :-)

Does H know about the boundary?

Yes your DB wolf pack IS here Ruby, and ready to move in at your signal. And we're fierce, grrrrrrrr!

In answer to the fear post I certainly realize that fear is part of life. But what I am saying is to look at why it exists in areas of our lives and what we can do about it. Facing them down instead of ignoring the why is tough but I find that the pit in my stomach goes away. The hamsters stop running and I am truer. I only refuse to let fear move in.

My last great fear is letting H go completely. So this speaks to BD. I am getting there on my timeline. Takes a lot of work to get there. I was exploring this myself last night when I thought of H and massage girl. How he is not done and still loves her. If he goes back then that will be when I cut the ties. To give him clarity perhaps and to protect my heart. This is the only boundary I have.

Thanks for addressing the fear post Ruby. I guess that letting my H go completely is my greatest fear too, but it's being taken out of my hands in a week. Then I'll have a month to do the work at eliminating that stomach pit.

I truly do not believe that your H is in love with Massage Girl. Infatuated maybe, but true love? Nope. Their relationship is built on sand. You have been a life line and support for me Ruby. What would you tell me if I said I think my H loves the Russian Tramp? That their relationship is made of smoke and mirrors, not real at all, a temporary infatuation. Right? Same goes for your H and MG. It just seems to me (no vet by any means ) that your H is moving more towards you, a bit every week. It's easier to see from out here, reading all your posts and not having to live them!

I seem to remember you saying that your H gave you permission to smack him if he goes back?! Besides cutting the ties, I hope you take him up on that!