Thanks F, sometimes I really think it is just the next level on the rollercoaster ride. Something just clicked about the W, her actions/lack of actions, then combined with family and friend walking away from me. It was simply a time to stop worrying about everyone elses behaviour, but to focus on me and improving me even more. I felt that outwardly I was improving, but inwardly I wasn't. I still focused too much on the W, what she was/wasn't doing and just got to the point where enough was enough. While I will always have hope in my heart that she will come back to me, my mind says differently now. Here come the tears. Somehow I just reached that point that the mind took over the heart. The W is set on her own path now. I (at this stage) am not part of the path she is on. If I look back over the last 10 months, I really cannot see any great positives within the separation, that may have helped us towards the path of reconciling. Yes, I accept it can and probably will take longer than 10 months. History of other LBS shows that. In one way I have also got to the point that it annoys/frustrates/pains me, that she simply walked out, turned her back on me and really won't talk/write or see each other. Just simply, the "I don't exist anymore". Again I know this is the way of WAS at times. I am not angry at her, yes get those feelings at times, but also understand at times what and why she is doing this. I have reached a point where I feel like a single bloke, with two adult sons. I am not acting like a single bloke though, and that is the hard part. I am still married, still have a W, and seriously while I miss the company of my W, I also don't want anyone else to replace that at this stage. That's the hard thing for us LBS's, we are married, but not married. We are single, but not single. Part of my long term focus is on holidays overseas. Long service leave in 3 years. F you never know, I might come over there and have quite a few beers with you. Don't know about the sunset, cows and sheep, but I am sure we can enjoy it all the same.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
HWA, I get you all the way! You are properly right about the ups and downs and therefore when feeling up prepare for a down. When feeling down look forward and know there will be an up! I believe T told me this some time ago and I use it every day. Prepare for the down and look forward until the up.
Originally Posted By: HWA
That's the hard thing for us LBS's, we are married, but not married. We are single, but not single.
This holds a lot but not to all of us LBHs. The two of us are properly right now in the same place regarding this but there will be another time! I don’t know if I should look forward on this one but right now I feel quite contempt being single. I am not on the market and I believe you aren’t either. This should not prevent us from having joyful and happy interactions with the female gender but taking this further than conversation feel way ahead for me at the moment. But who knows what tomorrow holds?
The question is not IF you are at that point but WHY you are at that point? So WHY do you feel married? Give it a thought!
Originally Posted By: HWA
F you never know, I might come over there and have quite a few beers with you.
My home will be yours! I will open my arms and my door and welcome you as a brother! Who knows – we might even have some fun. F
Me:44 W:43 D7, D5 (S11 from other R)
T: 8y - not M ILYB: 8. Mar 2013 W moved: 1. Aug 2013 LRT: 20. Aug 2013 _______________________________ Do or do not – there’s no try.
That's much better, well done Now keep adding to that list!
Thanks AS. Will keep adding.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
You are so right about the ups and downs F. I was really starting to pick myself up and now someone else I know has just died It's just awful! He was only 20! Sorry to be on such a downer. I know we're here to have PMA I lost a friend last week and now someone else this week HWA and F, have a virtual beer on me I really need one after the news I've just had
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
HWA, I get you all the way! You are properly right about the ups and downs and therefore when feeling up prepare for a down. When feeling down look forward and know there will be an up! I believe T told me this some time ago and I use it every day. Prepare for the down and look forward until the up.
Thankfully the downs aren't as bad or as long anymore. Now to focus on the looking forward.
Originally Posted By: HWA
That's the hard thing for us LBS's, we are married, but not married. We are single, but not single.
This holds a lot but not to all of us LBHs. The two of us are properly right now in the same place regarding this but there will be another time! I don’t know if I should look forward on this one but right now I feel quite contempt being single. I am not on the market and I believe you aren’t either. This should not prevent us from having joyful and happy interactions with the female gender but taking this further than conversation feel way ahead for me at the moment. But who knows what tomorrow holds?
The question is not IF you are at that point but WHY you are at that point? So WHY do you feel married? Give it a thought![/quote]
F, no, this status of limbo married/single is not stopping me from joyful interactions. But I will not and am not in a position I want to go further. Yes, who knows what the future holds, but while I am married legally, I will maintain my married status. Why do I feel married? Firstly because legally I am. Secondly, I look at the sitch this way: my W put up with me for many years having behaviours that weren't good for our marriage. The least I can do is allow her some time to also be in this situation/behaviours. Until a divorce comes through, I am still trying to focus that the W is going through her hard times (in her own ways) and I, like her, will try to deal with it for as long as I can. I owe her that. Third, I still hold the principles of why I married her: I care for her, I love her, and I want to spend the rest of my life with her.....still. I want to continue to work on my marriage (if given a chance) to make it better than ever it was.
Originally Posted By: HWA
F you never know, I might come over there and have quite a few beers with you.
My home will be yours! I will open my arms and my door and welcome you as a brother! Who knows – we might even have some fun. F [/quote]
The offer is the same if you ever come over here to enjoy our fine weather, bikini clad girls and lovely flies everywhere.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
You are so right about the ups and downs F. I was really starting to pick myself up and now someone else I know has just died It's just awful! He was only 20! Sorry to be on such a downer. I know we're here to have PMA I lost a friend last week and now someone else this week HWA and F, have a virtual beer on me I really need one after the news I've just had
Sorry to hear TTD180. So young. A virtual beer for you later on. Take care, my thoughts and prayers with you.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
Thanks HWA I'm still sticking to lager shandy, none of the hard stuff for me, lol.
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Well it is virtual (pretend) drinks for me. I don't want the Principal calling me into the office and asking me to explain having one beer again. Bad, bad me.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
I like your answer on the WHY-question: Sharp as a razor, quick and understandable - you are right where you should be. I can’t do that anymore – wish I could!
I would simply love to go down under some day!
Bed time for me! All the best! F
Me:44 W:43 D7, D5 (S11 from other R)
T: 8y - not M ILYB: 8. Mar 2013 W moved: 1. Aug 2013 LRT: 20. Aug 2013 _______________________________ Do or do not – there’s no try.
Well it is virtual (pretend) drinks for me. I don't want the Principal calling me into the office and asking me to explain having one beer again. Bad, bad me.
Lol nooo you mustn't have a drink, you bad man! lol. At least I've no-one to answer to at the mo apart from myself
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Now keep adding to that list!
It's just awful! He was only 20! Sorry to be on such a downer. I know we're here to have PMA