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Sorry to hear you're having a rough time of it K It is still early days for you like you said and it's hard to fill in that time in the evenings especially when you're stuck in the house. I've found taking up a hobby helps such as card making or cross stitch. Also watch what you want to watch now on the TV. It does get better, but I still miss my H after nearly 5 months. It doesn't hurt as much now and I don't get as upset, but I still get miserable at times.
Hope you feel better soon and ready to take on the world! Take care and talk soon

K you're trying to mind read. You don't know that he's not coming back - like TTD180 said it's early days. Things change. Your H may be saying now that he's not coming back, but he's still trying to sort himself out. It almost sounds like you're giving up.

Focus on yourself. TTD180 is right about a hobby. Cross stitch is relaxing, and it certainly takes my mind off things. Get yourself a couple of good books from the library, pick something on TV you've always wanted to watch but haven't been able to because your H didn't want to watch it, anything to keep you occupied.

You'll find the emptiness of the house and your feelings of loneliness will be worse if you're sitting around not doing anything. Keep yourself occupied and your mind won't have time to be occupied with what's missing from the house. If I've been desperate enough in the evening, I've even done extra housework (must have been a bad night - LOL) just to keep myself busy.

We all have the bad days. Just remember you're not alone in this. You've got lots of support on this forum. Someone will always come along and reply to a post with something to help boost your spirits.

GALing doesn't have to mean going out all the time. It can mean a new hobby or activity that you can do at home. It can be having friends come round to your house - have a girls' night at your place, instead of going out for it. The ladies I work with are doing just that this weekend - pool party and pot luck instead of going out for dinner.

Stay strong. You'll start having more good days than bad, and you'll realize that you are improving as a result.

Giving up and no expectations look similar. Think as little as possible about what he is doing and thinking and will do in the future, and think as much as possible about what you're doing to enjoy your time now and improve yourself now. Just BE for a while.

That's not giving up, it's just letting what happens happen and focusing on what YOU can do right now. No expectations means don't expect him to come home and don't expect him not to come home; live your life.

I agree with NQ, it is still early day and H doesn't know what he wants at the mo. Focus on you and your boys. Keep up the PMA. NQ is right, when I'm really stuck I do housework, lol. There's always something to do.
Good idea about having your friends over NQ You could have a pamper party or a jewellery party. Over here we have clothes swapping parties or swishing as they call it. I think it came from America, we always seem to nick ideas from them, lol. Look it up on the internet to find out how to go about it.
Hope you're having a better day today Speak soon and take care

Thank you adinvs, NQ and 180. I know its only been 20 days since H has moved out and my situation is still brand new. The sad part of this is I'm starting to give up on hoping that my marriage will be saved. I'm starting to find peace with my new life and I'm starting to be happy again yes I'm still sad that he had left my family and in my heart I still have a small hope that he will come home to us. But in my head its starting to move on. Today I got one of my bills caught up so now I'm not in the negative and now my next task is to catch up on my car payment I'm hoping to get that taken care of within 3-4 months. And I'm going to do it with out his help. Its going to be super tough but I will do it.oh I do have one good news I had couple of co works tell me that one night when we all have a free day they are going to throw a kelela make over party. I can't wait it sounds so much fun. Right now they are going to come up with a plan and all I have to do is show up. They are planning to give me a new hair do and makeup make over and dress me in a sexy but nice outfit. So its going to be a girls not out... looking forward to it.

The girls' night out sounds great I can't wait for my night out next month. H is going to be away so I'm getting one of my friends to look after my son
You're not giving up on your marriage, you are learning to accept it and moving on Well done you It's ok to have a bit of hope, even through my darkest hour I still have a bit of hope that my H will one day wake up and realise that our marriage is worth saving. For now though I've got to focus on me!

I have a question if H is still trying to sort things out about himself then why is he living with OW? If he needs time to sort out his life why doesn't he live on his own? In my mind this tells me that he has given up and he has moved on with his life and he made up his mind that he will not come home to his family.

K, don't give up on him yet. He needs to see that life with OW is no better than with you. He thinks that she is the better option, that you and/or the M is the source of all his problems. He needs to see that she isn't, that he'll have the same or new problems with her. Give him the time and space he needs to figure that out, as hard as it may be.

My H said he couldn't live in the same house as my dad for a number of reasons including my dad's medical issues, but he's moved into the spare room of an older couple he knows through work. This particular couple have both got more serious medical issues and no family nearby to help them - one has been diagnosed positive for early onset dementia and the other is showing signs of the same. But H can't deal with a diabetic FIL with arthritis??? Is that a man who is thinking straight??

My H says he doesn't want to lose contact with our S13 like he did with his two boys with XW1 but he makes little effort to spend time with him. Is that a man who is thinking straight?? Not in my opinion.

Concentrate on making yourself a better person and let your H see what he is giving up. IMO you are already a better person than OW in at least one respect - you honour marriage vows and aren't carrying on with a married man. My H's OW knew from the start that he was married but she obviously doesn't have the conscience or the morals to care about that.

You need to start living as if he's not coming back. Show him that you don't need him to survive, that you can handle things on your own. I want my H to come back, but right now I'm treating life as if I am a single mom, as if I don't need him in my life. I figure there will less disappointment if I turn out to be right about H not coming back, and I'll be in a better position to continue on my own. There's a big difference between wanting and needing; we may want our spouse back but we need to act as if we don't need them.

Stay strong. Remember you're not alone in this. You've got loads of support here.

I agree with NQ, Kelela I've mentioned to you before about the OW being the preferred option, but it won't be! It's like a rebound for him and I can assure you now it won't last!
Stay strong, stay positive, always be happy and cheerful when you're around him. Don't beg, plead, say you've changed, etc. Start today! I've done a lot of begging and pleading in the past and I regret it, but start today as a fresh day!
I'm just hoping now that my H will come round and stop being angry with me. Like NQ, he's gradually getting less interested about his son, he's more interested in his new life. Eventually he'll start to miss seeing his son, but not at the mo whilst he's still in a fog!

Okay..have you read my sitch? Well, don't, but my H has to sort things out as well, but he cannot do it on his own.

I have told him I love him enough to let him walk this on his own.

My H still hasn't realized he is searching externally for internal peace, but i think he may get there.

In the end, even though these journeys affect us greatly, they are not ours to take.

Ad is right. Giving up and no expectations look a lot alike and you will know the difference. Giving up and dropping the rope are even more alike, if possible, but giving up means you didn't try. Dropping the rope means I love you, have a good journey.

Stop mind reading. I was always wrong with H's first GF (yes, I said first) and how he felt. Always.