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Pam,

Thanks for the adding mystery thread advice. It's good and I'm going to head that way soon!

Big hugs.

Betsey

Hi totite,

Well, I flipped a tad when I realized why I'm so anise and emotional right now. But at least realizing it gives me an extra edge and I just don't want to add the extra medication right now as I'm still spending lots of time sleeping adjusting to this last change!

Thank you for the support and sunshine today!!! Always nice to have.

I don't know why D came over he didn't really talk much, worked on Palm and computer and ate and sort of slept. I just don't understand him at all and that frustration I think adds fuel to the extra emotions.

No problem on the linking, glad to help out!

Pam,

It sounds like his love language is 'acts of service'.

If I'm reading that right...his reason for coming over was simply to speak his love language to you.

Do you know what your love language is? Can you work at seeing his 'acts of service' as being his way of telling you that he loves you? (BTW, don't tell him...he may not be aware of what he's doing!!!)

Hugs!

Hi Betsey,

Hope the Mystery thread gives you some tips that help you out!

Hi PIB,

Actually we think his LL is Words of Affirmation although he also says none of them are him.

Then he says all of them are me, but Quality time probably ranks highest.

Well, I read somewhere that those who perform 'acts of service' are seeking 'words of affirmation'.

As for him saying none of the love languages are his...laf.

That's what Monkey said too. Turns out he just wanted all of them, not only a single one.

But cooking for him is really making him happy.

Hugs!

Well, I always thank him for working on anything he works on when he comes over and make sure to tell him I had a nice time and enjoyed his visit.

That probably gets covered up by the times I fight with him.

Hi Sage,

Maybe CHL came over to hang out, fix some stuff, eat and sleep...to be in a comfortable environment and to be with someone whose company he enjoys?

Wouldn't he come more often if that is the case? That is what I always think when he shows up for the monthly hair cut and stays for awhile. So I guess that is the reason I don't look to that to be an answer for me.

it's taken me a long time (and a bunch of DB'ing) to realize a couple of things about hanging out with my h...

He wasn't as interested in BIG events (drama, lots of action) as I am

he enjoys just hanging out and being quiet

There is a good possibility that D likes just hanging out and being quiet also.

Even just knowing that I'm in the house is a positive

Lots of talk/action didn't necessarily appeal to him

Again this is probably D as well.

Positive social interactions are built on the small, every day things...the sitting in the same room not talking, etc

I do this better than I used too. Thanks to you Sage!

My way (more energy, more interaction, more talk) was definitely not the "right way"

Which is my normal way, more of everything.

Can you pull out that beginner's mind, Pam, and see the interaction for what it was? Why judge it?

Just accept it as I had a good time and hope he did as well? Don't try to read anything out of it or into it?

Quote:

---

Can you pull out that beginner's mind, Pam, and see the interaction for what it was? Why judge it?

Just accept it as I had a good time and hope he did as well? Don't try to read anything out of it or into it?

---

YES, YES, YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OY, BOOBY you know too well what happened here...

MAJOR ASSUMPTION OVERLOAD!

This is the one thing I don't understand and something we have talked about numerous times. You keep expecting D to behave in the way YOU would to a given situation...but D isn't you!!! D is his own person and is only going to behave his own way, there is no more to it then that. QUIT looking for a hidden agenda, quit trying to make a comparison between his time with you and possible time he spends with J, and most of all...QUIT LOOKING FOR A FIGHT EVERYTIME SOMETHING POSITIVE HAPPENS!!!!

You had an AWESOME positive interaction with D this weekend. He THANKED you for not acting like a B!! He called and ASKED if it was ok to come over again!! DAMN woman, he was actively expressing his APPRECIATION of your not acting like the "old" Pam!!! There were no innuendoes, double entendre or anything involved. How often has it been expressed on the BB that MEN more often then not mean EXACTLY what they say and do?? Lord knows my H made that pretty darn clear to me himself this weekend.

You have all the answers to how to act with D at ALL times in your POSITIVE interaction with him from the weekend. Forget about the argument...don't apologise for any of it (that would just mean "more of the same" ) and don't offer the excuse of PMS ( more of the same...besides, it is too soon for that, you have a week to go yet ) or med adjustment. Those are worn out excuses that he hears EVERYTIME you argue. If you absolutely MUST give him some explanation give him the truth "I was pissed and felt like being a B, since YOU were the object of my anger I figured you might as well bear the brunt of it". You don't need to go into it any more then that.

Sorry Hon...I empathize with you yes, but I won't sympathize with you. You ask WHY you act this way...that answer is simple---IT'S BECAUSE YOU WANT TO!!! No pill in the world is ever going to STOP what you yourself are unwilling to stop.

AD's: Once again...it takes 4-6 weeks to adjust to a change in dosage. Some side-effects don't go away, if they are bearable you live with them, if not...you talk to your Dr. and see about a TOTALLY DIFFERENT med.

Stop holding out for a miracle solution from your meds...that isn't what they do. Stop looking to your GP to solve your mental health problems...it's not her job. GO SEE THE RIGHT KIND OF DR AND GET THE PROPER TREATMENT!! You just might be amazed at the CHANGE that could come of that!!

Hugz,
Zoo