Thank you, my head may still feel awful, but I can stop focusing on negatives. It wasn't really occuring to me that that is what I am doing. Sorry I really am FUZZY, almost not really here, just sort of on auto pilot.
I think I will write some positives in my word processor just to remind myself I have them.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
I pray you are restored to clear-headedness this morning.
I ask that you disassociate yourself from what d has done. It was his choice to d. He ultimately made the final choice.... to go to ow. You can't control him.
YOU are still honest, kind hearted, loving, caring, respectful, helpful, good-looking hottie, AND these HAVE NOT changed cause d is a butt!
Well, I'm glad to know the Zoloft affected you too, the nausea isn't as bad as the dizziness in my head. But I do expect it to get better.
Yes, I do want to leave D with positive thoughts. I know the court date and settlement are too close now for anything to work out. He won't have the new system set up for a few more weeks at least and he will focus totally on that for now. Plus any free time he has will probably be spent with J, but even though at times I feel very angry and vindictive, that isn't what I feel inside and that isn't the way I want him to remember me.
I know I probably won't really run away and let him deal with divorcing me on his own, so what I hope is to get through it with not a lot of arguing or negative feelings building up on either side.
I just don't feel up to facing dealing with the D right now but I guess you never do.
I sure hope the side effects go away soon and the emotions level out!!
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Pam -- I'm sorry that things feel so blurry for you right now. You do have lots of tools at your disposal that you've used successfully in the past - meditation, exercise, etc. I also recommend that you drink lots of water and be sure to eat today!
Also...as others have said...can you look at your current sitch in a different frame of mind? I'm not for a second going to suggest that limbo is a comfortable place to be...but it is as it is right now...instead of viewing yourself as confused by not having made certain decisions...can you see them as opportunities? Choices?
I've asked this before...what would it take for you to feel OK about certain things?
an example...you talk about part of you feeling as though you want the shelties with you and part of you feeling as though you need to plan to get rid of them in case you end up in an apartment. Can you use some of your energy to figure out what you'd need to know? Look at your finances to see if you could keep your house (perhaps you don't want to)...check out some want ads to see if you could afford another house in your area, etc? I know it involves thinking about things taht you don't WANT for your life right now but given that things ARE in the air somewhat, can you provide yourself with whatever grounding you can?
finally...here's an article by my favorite writer on meditation...he's funny and wry and wise:
Yes, I do want to leave D with positive thoughts. I know the court date and settlement are too close now for anything to work out. He won't have the new system set up for a few more weeks at least and he will focus totally on that for now. Plus any free time he has will probably be spent with J, but even though at times I feel very angry and vindictive, that isn't what I feel inside and that isn't the way I want him to remember me.
Pam -- Working with these ASSumptions will change the way that you interact NOT FOR THE BETTER. You KNOW that a beginner's mind (and releasing expectation and ASSumptions) are KEY to DB'ing success.
Please...try to readjust your ASSumption. Act "as if" if that's all you can do for now.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
when do you take your AD? I have to take mine at night and then I sleep thru the "fuzziness" part of it...by the time I wake up, I am ok....maybe you should switch from morning to evening????
Sorry I really am FUZZY, almost not really here, just sort of on auto pilot. 
