I'm feeling like the lesson that the universe is hammering home here is about my ability to remain open in the face of pain. To be able to build something positive after rejection. P is the big opportunity to practice that. The positive steps feel good.
I also see it reflected in smaller ways with a couple of recent potential interests. No go, but something good will come out of each. Not what I had initially hoped or imagined, but something that ends up bringing me joy in a completely different way. I'll take it.
I'm checking out someone new. Enjoying the thrill of getting to know her. Kind of amazed at how *much* stuff (flavors of fear) bubbles to the surface.
Slowing down and sitting with things. Writing down all those hard questions I need to keep asking myself. Watching myself slow down and get grounded in a way I haven't before. There's a bit if a sigh of relief with that. It's not a one time thing. Awareness is continual work. So far, so good. Not clean and linear, but perfectly okay.
Nice reflection on your current path. Sometimes when entering the dating pool and checking out potential interests, our world view is colored by the previous R which isn't fair to all involved. That is the stumbling block that we all have to work on in getting through to the other side. And projecting our thoughts to the future prevents us from being in the "present" and enjoying a budding friendship with these potentials as a building block.
Okay, here's the update. I'm well. I'm happy. I've taken a (temporary, mind you!) vow of celibacy, the better to focus on getting my literal and figurative houses in order. I do my daily gratitude list and there is plenty to be grateful for.
My latest cool thing is listening to brain wave entrainment audios, which I think of as training wheels for a meditative state of mind. Google "mynoise" to find a dot net site with some wonderful sounds. Being catless these days, my personal fave is the cat purr.
Holy cannoli, it's SD. Happy belated birthday, and how the heck ARE you?
Self imposed celibacy isn't a bad thing... at least it hasn't been for me. I get some clarity and ability to focus on other things. Hope it's true for you too!
Hugs,
Bets
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
hey Stub, which brain entrainment stuff are you using? I used to meditate to it frequently at night. I have some delta stuff for sleep and alpha etc. Are you finding it helpful? I haven't done it for a bit.
Bets, I have no intention of challenging your record in the dating timeout department.
It's been a year since I went to EE. I've been making it a habit to step outside my comfort zone. That feels good. And the universe has been sending gifts. I'm grateful. I'm happy.
You know I'm a huge fan of Pia Mellody (and I don't think anyone lands on this site without some codependency issues). She basically says that codependence = immaturity, which means we can outgrow it. I read her book on love addiction a few months ago. I think her definition of that is what most people think of as codependence. Anyway, timing or whatever, it hit me pretty hard. I decided it's time to bite the bullet an do whatever Pia says. Which means 12 step stuff. Anathema to me.
I realize that I searched until I found EFT/tapping after I saw EMDR have an immediate and profound positive effect on a DB friend way back when. I went to EE after witnessing similar profound positive effects on other DBers. And I couldn't help but notice that participating in Alanon helped Bug stay a saner than average course. Others, too, sometimes in other programs. I notice the sanity. That's what I'm aiming for.
WII, I'm trying to get in the habit of listening to some binaural "brain exercise" stuff early in the day and some isochronic, deeply meditative, entrainment stuff before bed. All of it from that site I mentioned. It feels great. I feel calm and happy. My habits aren't nearly habits yet, so it's a bit soon to claim anything beyond the placebo effect. Of course, I fully endorse anything that comes with a cat purr.
