Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Walk-Away-Spouse Just friends is OK for now

I forgot to mention an amusing, but uncomfortable thing that happened on the way back home. On the radio comes a commercial for a prominent local divorce attorney who specializes in representing men.

As he started his pitch I quietly said "commercials, commercials..." and quickly changed stations.

Frustrating. W broke her iPhone and wanted me to look online (she messaged me from her iPad) to see about replacement. But, she wants to separate the account, because she can't afford to pay for both of ours (and she insisted on paying the phone bill back when she became paranoid about me seeing text records).

It's so hard not to say something stupid. But, I just looked up the info on the contract and saw what options are available. There seems to be no way to call them anymore. It's all online or chat, and chat is down. She can go to an AT&T or Apple Store, I suppose and they'd probably be able to handle it for her.

Anyway, she turns to me for help, as always, but wants me to do something that helps her separate more. Yikes. Frustrating, isn't it?

I let her know the Radio Shack in her town should be able to help.

She just ended up upgrading via our current account. We're going to split the bill. Fair enough. She can't afford it as it is. She's paying for the updgraded phone.

After sorting out the phone, she texted me about going to dinner with her friend from HS who I've met a few times, and told me she had asked W to say hi to me, and then commented on the upgraded memory in the new phone. It was like last time when she warned me about things not changing, then followed up almost immediately with friendly banter.

I can do this. I resisted the urge to look at text records while on the cell provider site. If she is confused about which direction she wants to go, I'm done pushing her in the other direction. Staying the course. Giving her time.

As for me, the back injury has been a blow to GAL. On my back all day. And my appetite is back, threatening my gains from the depression diet! Yikes! I'll try a slow, careful walk tomorrow.

Hi DMR! You and your sitch are sounding pretty positive these days. It's nice that W is contacting you more and wanting to do things like go to the movies and do laundry together. I honestly believe that for us to get our marriages back once our spouses are over their MLCs, for US to be the one that they want to spend the rest of their life with, that it will be easier if we can stay on a friendly basis. To move back to being lovers would be easier from a place of friendship. 

And it's interesting that she asked you to look online to see about her getting a replacement for her phone, when she could have easily done that herself from her iPad. 

Keep up the good DBing. I'm up and down these days; it's nice to read your positive updates. 

Thanks, Linda. Yeah, today was interesting. I had sent her a FB essage about a cat tower/hammock that I thought the cat would like, since we didn't find one on our Petsmart visit and said 8 could order it. She hadn't seen it yet, but woke me this morning with a text saying she was thinking I should just order him one, that would fit in the car. I guess maybe so I could assemble it, because I could just have it sent there. Thats the second time she's implied that she has nobody she'd want to ask to do it. In the store she said one easn't a good option because she'd have to assemble it.

She did ask if I'd found a car because she thought she saw me at a convenience store near her. Told her I'd only made it as far as researching good used cars and it must have been my doppelgänger. She said, yeah, it was just weird how he looked like me. Maybe Robert Downey Jr is in town. LOL.

Then she asked if the new movie theater they're building near us was open yet. Again, something she could find out as easy as I could. I hope they open soon. It would be a lot less stressful than driving an hr round-trip in traffic to see a movie - that's always been a stressor for us. Although it's a good chance to show my attitude adjustments as I remain calm....

I'm toying with the idea of seeing if she want's to go to dinner, but maybe not, since trying again to go to a movie Friday is still on the table. She was also going to bring the cat over here for the week.

This back injury has sure scuttled GAL, but I'm not letting it affect my PMA!

W is having problems getting the new phone activated, so of course turned to me for help. Seems she managed to get it working after a few texts back and forth.

I hope things get better with your back, it's great that you are able to stay positive through everything!

Thanks. Back problems are like relationships. They need time to heal, and you just can't rush it. :-)

Also, tomorrow is my first IC appt in 2 wks, so I'm going to try to get back on track of working on how to prevent my frustration, temper, health problems, etc. from making me unbearable to live with. If we can't agree to a plan for that, and less rambling through my childhood, then I may need another IC.

Good day today. Beautiful day out. Went to IC appointment, then walked to the store a block away and got some groceries. Enriched a couple local cabbies. :-/

As for the IC...

As soon as I mentioned improving communications with W she wanted to know how many hoops I'm going to jump through to prevent this from happening again. She claims to be familiar with DB and said MWD was great, but seems to want to downplay my part of the R problems. Oh, well. I tried to get us refocused on the changes I'm trying to make, and to find ways to make it stick. She asked if I wanted to giver her a call in a couple of weeks, but I set up another appointment for next week. Maybe I should have just said OK. Just not sure I'm feeling a good rapport with this IC.

On the R front, got my usual morning texts from W this morning about cats, TV shows, etc. The communications are going pretty good all things considered. Brief, but regular.