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It sounds like so much, but I am not living an exotic lifestyle. It seems like everyday I am dropping $50 here and $20 there.

I take the 5 of us out to a movie and waste $70. If we go out to dinner afterwards, it is a $120 afternoon.

It just all adds up. I am sure it is doable, I just need to learn to say no.

I remember growing up, my parents would never even think of ordering a drink at a resteraunt, let alone alcohol. My Mom clipped coupons and bought no-name brands. Families car-pooled to save gas. We just never had to.

I guess we have to now.

AD - Your right. It's not the end of the world. It's just a lot of change. It's also not the life I planned. But, I guess that goes for everyone here.

I always say that every time I leave the house, it costs me $50. At least when I have to drive, because the car always needs gas (right now I'm hoofing it or pedaling everywhere - or worse, paying for rural cab fares). If it's not gas, it's a stop at a store or a restaurant.

Anyway, if you look around there are things to do free or cheap. Around here, all the towns have a community calendar on their web sites. They have free concerts in the park, movies in the park (they have a big screen on the side of a building). Speaking of movies, our libraries have amassed pretty good collections. much cheaper than RedBox, Netflix or HBO. Museums can be fun, if the teenagers can be dragged there. ;-) Have bikes? Maybe picnic in the park after a bike ride?

I know what you mean about the parents - when I was a kid we rarely ate out, and when we traveled it was sandwiches and Cool Aid from the cooler!

What always seems to mess with my budgets is the unexpected expenses. If you have a $1200/month budget and you have to drop $600 to replace a washer, or put new tires on the car, it is a big hit. It seems like every month there is something.

We had talked about getting D12 braces. I am sure that will not be cheap.

I am especially worried about furnishing/maintaining the house. My W gets 1/2 of everything (not sure exactly which 1/2 yet), so when she eventually moves out, I expect the house will be pretty empty.

Between me and the 3 girls, at least 2 bedrooms will be empty and require all new furniture. Re-furnishing a home on a total $1,200/month budget is going to be really tough. I think short term, I will just have to query friends for used furniture, or go to craig's list, or the salvation army.

The house is 12 yrs old and needs new carpet and some other updates. I guess these things are just going to have to wait.

I have a 401k loan that I pay $1,000 /month. Hopefully, I can pay it off before my D is final and my W moves out. $1,000 a month extra will really help.

Since my W is going to buy / setup her own home, she will have all the same issues. How this becomes the "road to happiness" is beyond me.

Make a list of everything there is in the house and take pictures. My ex ended up leaving lots of stuff and at the end we negotiated. Yes it will be a big change financially. Everything that is a debt incurred during the M is to be paid 50/50. Are you sure you talked to a L?
Alimony is temporary not sure for how long you agreed to pay and child support will end one day also. So it is not the end of the world. I had the same concerns but things even out after about a year or so.

Yes, I talked to my L. The debt has been split 50/50. With respect to the physical assets in the home, I made my list, assigned my own values to each item and indicated which items I wanted to keep. I sent it to my W for review.

Unfortunately, she is struggling with the idea of what 1/2 means and with the idea that we both get a say in which 1/2 we get. I am sure it will get sorted out. The physical assets in the home are such a small part of the overall D.

The bigger issue appears to be the items that have no real physical value. Family photos, photo albums, videos, sentimental gifts (like Christmas ornaments and items in the Curio cabinet). We talked only briefly about these issues, but I could tell it was going to be difficult to reach an agreement. Any recommendations on how to approach this problem?

I agreed to 5 yrs spousal support. It is longer than I wanted, but she agreed to leave my pension alone if I was willing to agree to more spousal support. In the end, it works out for both of us. I just need to figure out how to live on less for the next 5 years.

I really hope things have stabilized in a year.

My ex took all family albums and pics. I kept all the videos since she never asked for them. It just worked out that way. She left anything that had us in them or me. Let things happen as they will. Let go

Hi Rock,


I am here, was here, If I'm honest been here 8 years, but I'm making efforts to get out and lift my spirits lets people see and appreciate me. Going out doesn't need to cost a fortune others here will give suggestions.

But....as nice as your house will be don't make it your cocoon, don't make it your cave. Remember this part of the process is about saving you and then remaking you.

Lanzo

recommendations on how to approach this problem:

first agree on what is easy to agree on. this will grease the wheels and get the process moving in the right direction.

with whats remaining, prioritize what is important to you. choose your battles.

try to make some rules as far as division: if the item was a gift from your family, you keep it. etc.

as far as pictures: scan. you can always reprint.

for items with sentimental value, divide as you can without creating issues - you dont want to create bad memories that override the sentimental values.

always keep in mind you can take new pictures, create new memories, buy new ornaments.

But....as nice as your house will be don't make it your cocoon, don't make it your cave. Remember this part of the process is about saving you and then remaking you.

Lanzo is right Rock, it is so easy to do this, there are days where i want to black out my windows and just sit or lay down. We cant do that. Our kids need us.