Well turtle, he asked me out Thursday. So..... Will update. Have begun to appreciate rather than accept as my due You know? If a guy drives that distance I appreciate. All h texted today at 4 pm was " how was race?" So I replied :)))
Someone is NOT happy Although I profess to no game playing. A couple glasses of wine brings out the Scorpio in me
H texted me yesterday around 4. I only looked at my phone around 12. Asked how race went. Chatted for a bit. Nothing much.
Asked if I could crash at his place tonight due to a car appt and project due. He said sure and he might head to country to be with S and see what he wants to move this weekend ( since S is off to school)
I am staying cuz friends not back from holiday. I also gave him option of saying no. And I would be cool
Hi Ruby- just catching up on your thread. Glad race went well!
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
So, H is in the distance mode again, although we chatted about how his work with his therapist is going. H spent all his life making the peace, doing things he didn't necessarily want on order to avoid the conflict. Stems from his childhood when parents catered to older brother and said "H do this" so brother is happy.
Now he is physically sick all the time just from having to tell people no, it makes him ill. Insomnia, upset stomach etc. But we knew this already for a while. That he had trouble pleasing himself.
He just canceled an activity with me tomorrow to do something else so I asked if I was being blown off. He said no, which then opened our discussion about saying no and people being hurt etc.
I said I would rather know the truth than be lied to and there is a difference between explaining why you say no (a short one) and explanation as acceptance by another or validation.
I think I am on the way to losing H for a while, maybe for always. This is a tough path and I can't imagine walking it with people who knew you as you were. It has to be easier to be the new you with someone new...yes?
How does one begin to separate the construct of who you are versus the parts that are wholly you? Wrapping my mind around this is almost impossible for me.
I think H has begun to pull away to heal and become who he has to. While I am happy, can I be sad he is not with me? Yes, it's valid. lol. Answering my own questions.
Oh, this is hard to practice the letting go and the unconditional acceptance of this. While my mind knows this is absolutely what another human being needs to do, my heart is selfishly saying "no", because I know he leans on me and that is the bond.
I also start to think about whether or not H will be the partner I need. I am a pretty strong person, so my partner would have to stand with me and have enough strength to stand against me when necessary. Not sure H could ever do that no matter how much I love him. I would be afraid of falling into my old habits and patterns. And I guess he may feel the same.
Thoughts? Will call for my coaching session soon Needed right now, I think.
I think you shouldn't have broken your boundary with not staying over. I realize that it is more convenient, but you need to stay strong.
I also think you shouldn't have asked if you were being blown off. Part of the reason your H has those fears is because he fears that people will perceive him differently when he does those kind of things....
... and you just played into it. Next time, just say okay and let it go.
I mean - why did you think he was blowing you off? Caz he is creating distance? Caz he knows about your date?
Make it safe for him to be himself. Yes that means vulnerability on your part - but you are working on that anyway.
Sorry for the 2x4s.. something is clearly in my water.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
But, I have to defend my choice here about staying although I prefer not to. My car needs servicing in the city. I am in class in city all week 9-1. 1 and 1/2 hour drive from my place. Have been commuting even though H offered his place. Big presentation due Thursday, had to meet several times with group, something I can't do from my place
So while I prefer not to, the exhaustion level and necessity of fixing car won. Will be staying here with D14 on Saturday though...we are seeing a concert
Gave H time to go see S16 as well. So not a bad thing all in all
Before I would try to stay just to stay or hope he would stay Now it is truly necessity driven
