She is the distancer, and you will find yourself locked in the pursuer/distancer dance which can go on for years. You will feel like you're getting barely enough and will feel undervalued and she will feel unfulfilled -- I hope I'm wrong, but if she's not bought in I don't see pursuing connection as the cure.
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
1) all we have is surface conversation (emotional connection)
and because of that (amongst other things) there's no passion.
I can't remember if this was discussed in your threads already, but is Retrouvaille an option? It will totally transform the way the two of you communicate.
This thread has so much knowlesge it should be stickied!
The theories touched on by Accuray and MrBond are priceless! I think this info should be included in an LBS Start Here section.
im learning so much just following along as I am sure many others are.
Keep it up!
Me, H-34 now 38 W-32 now 35 T-13 now 18 years M-6 now 9 Daughter 3 years now 7 Bomb 11/27/12 - OM 1 year in house separation Reconciliation 12/2013. Healed now 2017
Thanks Accuray. Just so I'm clear, I don't disagree with you. Everything you've said in the last few posts could very well be true and required in my sitch. I'm just not sure NOW is the best time to do it, but I could be wrong. I'm trying to wrap my head around everything at the moment.
I'm going to reply in more detail when I get some more time.
Originally Posted By: AnotherStander
I can't remember if this was discussed in your threads already, but is Retrouvaille an option? It will totally transform the way the two of you communicate.
Retro is actually coming to our area next month. I'm a little apprehensive on suggesting it since W said last week she's currently in a place that she "doesn't feel like working on M at the moment" and "doesn't like talking about it" and "doesn't think MC would be currently beneficial".
But if you read my transcript of that convo last week she quickly went to "I'm so glad we're talking about" and "it makes me feel better talking to you about it". Her actions since have been leaning more to her working on it. It can be confusing.
Thanks AS, your feedback and insight is always appreciated...
Anyway, I have no doubt retro would be helpful. Can you tell me a little more of how it works? Is it mostly sitting back and listening? If interactions/discussions are required with other people W will feel uncomfortable, but if I told her all we had to do was sit and listen and just talk to each other she may be more open to it.
M-38 W-32 D7, S4 M-10 BD-May '12 S for 1 month-June '12 Reconcile, Piecing
