2old, I thought I would add a couple of things about my WAW. We are now 10 months separated. When my W walked away, she showed everyone she was very strong, no emotional outbursts, no discussing the sitch, nothing. Now I have heard about 1 month ago that she is starting to have emotional issues, has visited a doctor to get a referral to a psychologist. So in answer to your question, yes, I believe they do start to come out of the fog. I think they do start to see life a bit more real than at BD. I think they start to see the grass isn't always greener on the other side. One of the things you added in your last topic, was knowing the W really well and seeing such a big difference in them. I am the same, my W focused on the day rather than the future, and I think this is starting to catch up with her. She is starting to see the future (mindreading coming up) and I don't think she likes it. The W also has never been involved in the finance side of our marriage, again now that she is going to the solicitor and wanting assets split, I think she is starting to see the difficult side of the finances. Anyway continue with what you are doing 2old.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
HWA, your sitch sounds promising, though I suppose you're not counting your chickens yet It's handy that you know people that know your W that well and can tell you what she's up to as regards to docs and such like. I like reading about sitches like these as it gives me hope. HWA, do your children live with you or the wife? I'd like to read more of your story, especially when you went dark and the 180s that you've managed and the ones you haven't. Have you got a link to your page I can visit? I suppose a lot of it is trial and error isn't it? What works and what doesn't. 2old, don't your feel that gives you hope? Read HWA's sitch to see what will apply to you and what you need to be working on
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
You are most welcome to join in. I don't think my sitch sounds promising, but again who knows anything, and others seeing it may say differently. While the friend tells me a few important things, I still have the feeling that a lot isn't mentioned either. Both my boys don't live with either of us at the moment. The oldest had to move out nearly 3 years ago when he started University and therefore couldn't come to the country when we had to. The youngest moved out at the end of last year, when the BD hit, but also because he finished his secondary school and now has a job. He is living with the SIL back in the city. Hopefully when I go back the youngest will move in with me. Again I cannot guarantee that, as he probably saw me at the worst I was (depression etc) and I also feel the SIL has been a big source of importation/misinformation to him. Yes it is all trial and error, but I have to be very real here, most of it has been error. I have seen very little positives, have very little communication with the W and will be moving away nearly 600 miles at the end of the year. On the good side, she hasn't got OM, still struggling emotionally and next year I will be with all our family members, she will be with her EA friend and that's it. Sorry to hijack 2old.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
My Stepdaughter really senses confusion in what her mother is saying so it is interesting to me what she said to SD.
Heres the things I have to say about this.
On the MLC board we say CONFUSION = MLC
and
believe none of what they say and 1/2 of what they do.
So why are we trying to interpret something that she is saying? Yes it is interesting but more than likely it is what she FEELS right this minute. She is not firing on all cylinders and she may be cycling too. There are no guarantees that she will come back and the standard advice is to live "as if" she is not. Rick1963 is correct, stop obsessing about her, she is not in your control right now. Maybe she will follow the script, I hope she does, but maybe you wont.
Nothing we can DO right now that will speed this up but by not detaching we can slow it down.
So true those words are Cadet. I can honestly say I have no idea what my W is doing or not doing with regards to the sitch. But after 10 months I am finally getting and coming to grips with "there are no guarantees that she will come back and the standard advice is to live "as if" she is not." It takes time to get there, but once you do, that is when the best chance at life happens, whatever that may be.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
was reading this post...thanks guys, helping me to remember. to act as if....
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
Thanks Cadet.....I got it.....I have re read this 5 times....I believe I have really only shown my weakness here on this blog. Talk about cycling, one minute you feel strong and know the right thing to do. Then the next, weakness takes over again and the struggle begins anew. One thing does appear to be certain as you've pointed out, she is going according to script.And I need to get a grip on DBing.......
2old when all of us came here all WE thought we had were weaknesses. That's how we felt that's how our WAS made us feel. But that is not who we really are. Remember that you are early in the stage and what you are going through is normal. Ok
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
It's handy that you know people that know your W that well and can tell you what she's up to as regards to docs and such like. I like reading about sitches like these as it gives me hope.