Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Falling Down 100....Getting Up 101

Thanks FY - I almost feel like I should keep the ticket as a souvenir. . Thank you too for your kind words. The downside to NC is that I then have trouble dealing with contact especially now when I am trying to protect myself.

SBR, nice of you to stop by!! I would have to agree. My gut tells me there is something he wants me to know that may be good for him but not for me. One of the results of his MLC was his conviction that he now wanted the white picket fence life which included children. Prior to that neither of us wanted children. I still do not. I guess I can't see anything labelled by him as good unless it fits into that picture.

The sad truth of it is is that these last four months have been a struggle for me, finalizing my parents estate, dad in hospital and more funerals than I have been to in my life. I don't want him to know any of this. And I feel a bit of a failure on the GAL front

I have changed a lot on the inside but not much on the outside. If he has made all these changes, I feel a little resentful. My life has been difficult and I have been going through alone. I know that sounds petty.

After sitting on this for a bit, I am wondering if I shouldn't bite the bullet and ask what is it you wanted to tell me? Snodderly asked if I could still be friends even while he is seriously with someone else. With as much water as there is under that bridge now I don't think so. So maybe it is best to know now? If he has moved in with her or anything more serious, I can say good bye.

I just don't know.

Hi Hoper,

I could not agree more regarding the selfishness. Don't think MLC comes without it. And entitlement.

I sometimes cannot help but wonder if he just really isn't a good person. Good people do not cheat, lie and abandon. Or say such callous things like his life is good and so are all the changes in it.

Sigh.

Hi Portia I replied but it disappeared in the ether.

I agree about giving no information about yoeurself, and also about not asking any questions. For all of their horrible behaviour, for reasons I do not understand the MLCer wants our approval - we are the 'mommy' figure. When we hang around they just snap at us, and are unpleasant, but when we leave them alone, they come scuttling back from time to time via email or text to make sure we are still there, and 'OK' with them. The big mistake with a MLCer, and people do it all the time (myself included!) to to try and engage with them. .

If you do decide to reply, take your time, keep it light, short and casual. It might help to think of him as an acquaintance whose text you are acknowledging, but really that is it.

So you've been through a really tough period in your life, probably the toughest period ever, and managed to change a lot on the inside. That doesn't sound like a failure to me.

Contact/don't contact, ask/don't ask, but whatever you do please be proud of yourself and all that you have accomplished. We are!

Portia "I sometimes cannot help but wonder if he just really isn't a good person. Good people do not cheat, lie and abandon. Or say such callous things like his life is good and so are all the changes in it."

I swear my H was a good man before this MLC sucked his soul out Portia. He always hated cheaters, liars, and abandoners. He still seems to, in fact. OTHER people who cheat and lie and abandon. But he is able to rationalize his own actions somehow. You would not have loved your SO all those years if he was not a good person.

You need to do what your heart tells you to do. What ever you decide to do Portia, I am behind you all the way. I'm proud of you too, and count you as a very dear friend. 

I concur. Can't tell you how many times my W condemned the same behavior she's exhibiting now. Because it was *different* of course. She *has* to do what she's doing.

Bea, thanks again. Your words make sense to me. And I am treating this exchange as a touch and go. I had a bit of a rough night of it and was so glad to see everyone's posts. But, it did not last like it once would have lasted. I don't want to play anymore. And thank you for the advice about asking him questions. No doubt I am dying to know (because I am generally nosy) but I don't want to ask. If he wants to tell me, great but I do not want to force confidences. Colour me curious though!

FY, you are such a dear. I felt a hug from the screen. Thank you. This business really does erode self-esteem. And when I look back on the list I wrote of outward changes made a year ago, none of them have been done. Of course, I did not know how much life would get in the way. And how wrong is it that I didn't want all his changes to be good - that I would prefer him writhing a little due to one change in particular?

Hey DMR, yes, isn't it strange. So many things that he actively disapproved of suddenly became fine. MLC may be real, but I don't give him a pass for them. If ever we are to even be friends, he will still have to earn my trust.

So....here is what I finally answered and because I know MM likes the words, here they are: Saturday night cold here - perfect for a bonfire and s'mores. Gorgeous skies. Sounds like your life is on track for you but you can keep your bloody mornings. [the last bit is in reference to the fact that he works early mornings].

I didn't want to say I was glad that his changes were good. Some things I just cannot validate.

In less than 10 minutes I had a reply, with general comments and "Life is challenging but I remain optimistic" So, he isn't ready to spill the beans. And I have no idea what he means by that sentence. Same guesses apply as before, I guess.

Just because, I sent back a reply straight away of a picture of my cat relaxing - all paws in the air - and said learn a lesson from my cat.

Almost right away, he replied with a quip.

In the end, very positive exchange but no more replies from me. No questions, so nothing to answer. And I still don't have a clue what is going on in his life. Neither has he a clue what is going on in mine. I wonder if it will be another month before I hear from him again?

That is what a $2 ticket bought me! FY, you'll have to let us know how you make out with yours.

Linda, my dear friend, thank you for having my back. I have yours, too. Both of us with pool noodles at the ready. But I have always believed that good friends not only support but challenge each other. You do that for me.

WTF?? "Life is challenging but I remain optimistic"

So...what happened to all the good changes? ALL of his changes are good but life is challenging? I KNEW he was exaggerating, the scoundrel. Thanks for sharing the exchange, MM WILL be happy! Your reply was perfect in my mind - light, breezy and fun. And how perfect to reply to challenging but optimistic with a photo of your cat!

You are a champion DBer! Whether you hear from him in an hour or in a month, you are in charge of your own destiny here!

PS I am extremely nosy too. I think that's what caused most of my snooping in the past, I just could not stand not knowing what was going on with H and all his Russian chickies. And I am very relieved that you chose the pool noodles over the 2x4s, whew!

Hi Portia,
Just caught up a bit on your writings. You truly have shown your inner strength and I know that no matter what curve balls life throws at you, you are more prepared now then ever. I do believe that things happen for reasons, most of which we never will quite understand but it does help me to maintain my sanity to believe this.

Continue to guard your heart towards XSO but do not let this harden your heart, that is not who you are....

take care,
Hopeful- in a good future regardless...

PORTIA !!!! Thank you for sharing... I get the whole picture now.

I think its awesome how you replied! As nosey, as you are.. (like me). Maybe its best that we don't know what his messages mean. Time will reveal (so they say). Let's just sit and wait to see what he does/says next.

BE STRONG! You are an inspiration.

Awesome!

Magic