Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis NERO FLOATING- throw that line.....

"oh man- i'm grossing myself out - well, laughing but grossing myself out too - "

OMG. I am so glad to know I'm not the only one with an overactive imagination. I've had some pretty wild thoughts about my W and "the contractor."

Linda - I was inspired by your label for the RT. Since I hired this guy to work on our new house, I refer to him as "The Contractor."

hiya linda-

i know- our age. it does make a difference doesn't it? the long long r - it does too. no getting around it.



i know- me too. i'm soooo tired of feeling like who i am is "not good enough for him" anymore. f that. f him-

of course- even sayign that doesn't change anything- just my darn annoyment inside about it all. i never ever tried to change him- i resent mightily that now i'm supposed to change into whatever it is he thinks i should be (apparently) -

very probably- i will not. i am me at the end of the day- oh well huh??/ what can a girl be but herself?



hey- that's a nice little perker-upper there. i wouldn't mind someone telling me what a swell gal i am. not likely to happen at a school - but oh well. if all else fails i'll get a job as checkout girl in lowes or somethwere with lots and lots of men passing thru- just to keepin touch with the other sex. (whattya think??? got somethingthere??)

oh brother- huh?????



i know - mee too and most days. i am washed over by the sheer magnitude and un-ravel-ability of it all. i HATE that the ball is in their court- i HATE that they feel soooo sure of us- i'd say they're acting as they do because they are sooooo sure they have us rite where they want us-

it's sooooo easy to not like something YOU HAVE. IT'S ANOTHER ballgame i think when you don't anymore.

unfortunately - we all know how that one goes. can't actually treaten it til we're ready to make good on the threat-

what a mess- i feel EXACTLY like you- having some wine- not worrying about one damn thing tonite. even h's ennui- if that's what one could/would call it. everyone in universe can go to hell tonite- i'm jsut bein me - and glad of it.

you couldn't pay me enough to be a man- what a mess they all seem to be mostly.

i couldn't even imagine another man "fitting the bill" for me. that is the sad truth- but as i say it- who would ever have envisioned this guy- or even my ex h who was okay apparently- i married him. SOOOO- NEVER SAY NEVER MY DEAR- we just can't know where it "ends" and then where it BEGINS again and where it goes - ta da!!!!

what a masterpeice of bs i can be - but however convoluted- i believe all this junk is ay- like this goofy necklace i'm wearing with the evil eye thing- that the "universe sent me" - it's so jerky it's got to be true.

HTERE JUST HAS TO BE MORE OUT THERE THAN WE CAN EVER FATHOM- THERE ARE THOSEL ITTLE OR BIG UNEXPLAINABLE THINGS- THEY HAPPEN- "HAND OF GOD" -

IDK- I'M GOIN WITH IT- BLAD YOU LAUGH. I MAKE MYSELF LAUGH. IT'S THAT damn e-mail i read about hte mirror she was hanging in her room- what? so she could watch his A$$ jiggle as he humps her??? i guess so- what else would there be to see? i'm askin- andhis butt is okay- but no muscular wwf wrestler - like i'd take looking at "the rock"'s butt anyd ay.

i'm getting gone- hear h heading inside. cripes!!!

love ya- st ay happy and keep laughing- it's all we got.

xxo

Nero,

Look at it the other way, I am not giving him credit, I am optimistic that you are not the bane of his existence. You are not the cause of his chronic assholism, therefore how could you be the problem. I'm still a little confused about this R they had, it was on going throughout your whole R, but only platonic "star crossed loves" an EA of sorts?

Do you feel (knowing what you know now) it has diminished what you had with H? My H has said some stupid stuff that makes me feel that way, especially when he says he should never have had a family, single guys have it so much better.

If you do, I can see how a good, honest woman would have an extremely hard time getting past that kind of betrayal. Not to mention the fact that you are still living it, as are many of us LBS here.

If they want the single life I say let them have it, but like I told H, you don't get me on the side, I'm not a fricken side dish. So GTFO! You, have it a little different, but you too hold your future, not HIM!

H is not changing anything about himself, well Nero is and that is what matters. You are strong and you are living.

<3 dm

Ok, Dawn, can I just say I absolutely love the term chronic assholism. That is my new favorite word. LOL!

Nero, you know, this isnt about changing into someone they want. F that. This is about you changing into someone you want. And that's only if you feel there is anything you need to change.

My friend, I feel as if you need to do something different. Just one little thing. I do not like to think of you sitting there feeling like you do.

The ball is not in their court. It is in yours. You get to decide to stand or not, stay or not, love or not.

So, whattaya say? Can you do one thing different?

Nero "hey- that's a nice little perker-upper there. i wouldn't mind someone telling me what a swell gal i am. not likely to happen at a school - but oh well. if all else fails i'll get a job as checkout girl in lowes or somethwere with lots and lots of men passing thru- just to keepin touch with the other sex. (whattya think??? got somethingthere??)"

Probably being around friendly peoe in general would help, Nero. You're alone too much now, or have just your mom. It's uplifting and fun to be around other folks. Doubly so when it's a cute 42 year old man and you're 60. I'm not stupid enough to think that is a viable relationship but it's fun. 

uRw "Ok, Dawn, can I just say I absolutely love the term chronic assholism. That is my new favorite word. LOL!

Nero, you know, this isnt about changing into someone they want. F that. This is about you changing into someone you want. And that's only if you feel there is anything you need to change."

Me too uR, a lot of things I read here tickle me but "chronic assholism" just about takes the cake

Nero you do not need to change who you are. I know we are told to do 180s on the legitimate things that bothered our Hs about us. But unless YOU agree it's a real fault that you should work on, then don't. Like uR said, F that. 

hey hi-

her's the thing. he said they had a "flirtation" waaaay back when she worked for him. she then moved away. IN RETROSPECT (AND THIS is me probably causing myself a world of trouble) i can see things more clearly.

i do remember her leaving and what a big fat trauma it was causing in his life. (at that time also i had a bad anxiety attach and was sure i was going nuts - went up to nj because i couldn't figure what the heck else to do but go somewhere different ) (WHAT WAS THAT other than my internal "mind" picking up on something - not knowing- etc.) it was awful and he was less than supportive - i can see why now....

about his bad mood & wierdness at that time - he put it all down to "hand holding because her husband wanted to move and she didn't want to". i can agree and add that probably the poor jerk was trying to save his marriage. he was a wierd and bad kidn of guy- ended up killing himself on courtrhouse steps! no kidding (this is who she had kids with!!! redneck central (no extra charge for character judgement).

what i can't stomach is that he was obviously allll IN LOVE and i'd say she left him and the sitch- perhaps knowing he wasn't leaving me ovdr it- maybe because she had kids and he never wanted any. soooo- begs the question - was he saving himself til her kids were safely grown or when he had a vasectomy and never had to worry again. both ways show him in a very poor light.

all this KNOWLEDGE AFTER THE FACT is a drag- i'm tired of knowing - tired of thosel ittle "ah ha" moments tht still pop into my mind now or then - when i REALIZE what really happened - all those years ago- all those times. (yeah- i know i'm speculating adn nothing for sure- HOWEVER - I DO HAVE A BRAIN and common sense (now))

anyway- WHEN HE told me - it was in a big bd"discussion" and somehow he had the impression telling me that "we had a flirtation- nothing happened (sex) and I CHOSE YOU" somehow meant someting tom e. somehow was in furtherance of his cause - his righteousness - IT WAS THE KISS OF DEATH


ABSOLUTELY ALL IT MEANT TO ME WAS - (inside my brain) "OMG - THIS JERK has been a cheater FOREVER" (IT'S NOT JUST NOW- IT'S FOREVER - EVEN WHEN WE WERE YOUNG & STARTING OUT AND IN LOVE) he's one of THOSE men. i detest dishonesty & lies.

a flirtation sooo serioyus i could notice at home something - (he lied and i bought it) but still-

SO I KNOW we're not supposed to imagine and fill in blanks ourselves- BUT - i'd say- humbly and honestly- that now i think he probably cheated on me forever becasue whether you're cheating in your mind and heart or with your body- it's all CHEATING.

SAD , and i do sometimes have it in a better perspective- like his ancient aunt says "it's only sex". somehow tho- the thought of the lies and betrayal- THAT IS THE sticking point.

did that answer you? idk really WHAT it was other than fun and easy - BUT for them to have remained friends for years and him to tell me when he'd see her from time to time, KNOWING I DIDN'T suspect a thing - knowing he was being Open - (but not honest) , etc. soooo him. to be saying and doing something in your fce - KNOWING YOU DON'T know, and what? laughing and thinking he was working me.

ane her being my friend first - i still think of one time she was here - in our house- and she sat in my seat and i just thought what a rude sort of "overstep" and knowing now it was probably because she knew she was boinking him and was - what? "entitled" - makes me hate them both in retrospect.

i do go about my days pretty calm- i get the "do something different" - it's kind of hard other than changing myself and my attitude and my response in life to him (huge kind of) and that i am doing every day. at least i notice it- whether it registers with him- idk. how can you ask - ya notice anything different?

i find myself saying "you're crazy" and walking away- not very productive i guess- what he used to do- i hated it- i CAN walk away now- I DO NOT WONDER WHAT HE'S THINKING OR IF HIS FEELINGS ARE HURT-

THAT'S RATHER HUGE- AND DIFFERENT IN our interactions.

i am not "engaging" in any kind of fight when he's scrappy. I'm going about my activityes and interests and ttrying hard not to just defer. I am a real - total - get-along kind of gal. the whole take care of kids, big family - get along thing. it's who i am- and i'm doing my level best to be less that woman. no kidding.
'
IDON'T KNOW_ IF YOU OR UR or linda have some suggestion that is something different i can do that would make some statement.

i'll be glad to listen. i'm drawing a blank here. I go out more with friends - i have not gotten rid of ev ery possession i have- the magnitude of getting rid stops me. the house is not at all cluttered with my junk or messy really- maybe a small blob of mail at my side of the table or something like that.

i'm keeping tidy- (his big REASON) ( MY MESS!!) I'M not doing the craft shows or all the crafts that went towards that. sooo, tht's most of the mess not existing any more.

it DOES REALLY seem impossible to really make a difference. THIS IS THE PROBLEM WITH me buying into "it all being his journey and his problems" . I DO BELIEVE IT IS ALL ABOUT HIM- no matter what i do it seems to boil down to what he's feeling and his outlook.

when - or if he EVER WANTED to see good in me- he'll see plenty. if he's lookin for trouble - he'll find it- i can sit still and just breath- and something will be WRONG.


EEK- HEAR CAR- OUTTA HERE- idk gang - it's a tough one. i have a life here- family- friends - stuff -

then supposed to act like i'm visiting relative or someting-

it's a stinker- doing my best- any suggestion for that big "DIFFERENT" THINGH IS WELCOME-

can't think this morning-

xxo I BELIEVE YOU'RE RIGHT ABOUT me not being the cause of his chronic assholism- PROBLEM IS - it is a disease - it is unfixable and uncurable by me- it really is just like watching someone die of a disease and there's no way to make a difference.

i know this- if i believed in my heart there was one ting left i could DO that would make a difference to what he feels - i'd do it. i just don't. i'm serioyus as death here.

itis all how he perceives me- and h ow he perceives his need for me in his life. i just chatted a half hour with one of his tennis buddies - his fav. this gyuy could be me with a wig on- we see eye to eye- laugh like heck, say the same things. - and yet he can love him and not me!!!!
\
it's his cheating and his stinnking conscience (his ed i honestly believes is his conscience) - and that his beiggest fear in the universe. (of course -HE'S BLAMING IT ON ME) HIS winkie will never wake up with me- soooooooo, i'm goin down.

i even believe this could be dispensed with if he wanted to- if he could look at me honestly and with new eyes , but til he's un-infatuated with her- won't happen. i can't make it

i'm outta here.

xcxopop

ya know-

i need a good ole rotten nickname for the ow. i just usually call her a cow because she's "large"ish and has that sort of personality. love it in England - their use of "cow" as a type of woman. she does have brown dog eyes- i always used to think it because i have red hair and blue eys- she's got red hair and brown eyes. ick ick ick - can you spell "scratch your stinkin eyes out" ???

nothin comes to mind that is sufficiently "her" and nasty enough- i'd say i hate them both intellectually.

oh well- maybe it'll pop in to my mind - we do have to entertain ourselves - don't we?

i just wanna say - world - when i say "redneck" i am not in any way picking on humble, country values. i think/hope i in fact have them. home, hearth, famly, cookies, etc.

i'm sayin it as a description of a "type" of lifestyle that somehow sinks below striving for some sort of decent standard of values & life. maybe it's a personal dignity thing - you can be a street person and have it- i think everyone begins with it probably- what anyone does after that- choices - all personal choices -

nero. I Really like your posts. You make me want to laugh. And cry. And both at the same time. :-)

Have you heard the song "50 Ways to Say Goodbye" by Train? If not, Google the lyrics. It's a hoot, and a light-hearted way for us LBS's to think about explaining those darn WAS/MLCers. Might have to change "she/her" to "he/him" for some, but still good.
;-)

"You said, "it's meant to be,"
That "it's not you it's me."
You're leaving now for my own good
That's cool but if my friends ask where you are I'm gonna say

She went down in an airplane
Fried getting sun tanned
Fell in a cement mixer full of quicksand
Help me, help me, I'm no good at goodbyes

She met a shark under water
Fell and no one caught her
I returned everything I ever bought her
Help me, help me, I'm all out of lies
And ways to say you died...."

OW1 was known as 'the bike' OW2 I bear no ill will towards - frankly she is welcome to him!!