I don't know if I can copy and paste info here so I won't. However, bipolar people usually have large mood swings in short spaces of time. Really low, then a few hours later really high, etc. The list of symptoms alone can be very misleading, depression, altered sleep pattern, irritability, grandiose ideas - I could be easily be classified as bipolar if you read the list. It is the consistent behaviors you need to go by.
Granted we are only hear your side of the story but from what you have described she sounds like a fairly normal WAW who is frequently irritated by her LBS, can feel depressed at times (who among us doesn't) and is very good at manipulation.
I only cautioned you because it seems like this label is placed on so many people nowadays and the medicines aren't anything to fool around with.
I was also thinking about you earlier and wanted to reply to your comment that her going to a MC session showed her willingness to work on the marriage and her commitment (or something along those lines). Not really. It does sound like things are different than they were, so she very well may be. I am just cautioning you to remember that many on here have been through this only to find out their spouse was just going through the motions at MC. I went to MC for a year and had no idea what I wanted. I would answer what I knew everyone wanted to hear and most of the time I was thinking in my head "I can't wait to get out of this M". You definitely seem to be making progress but you still want to remember "believe nothing that they say and only half of what they do".
M 46 H 44 D 12 S 8 M 9 T 11 BD 2/15/13 "Makes sense to stay together" 5/12/13 Agree we are 'healing' 7/13 Definitely Piecing 9/13
Why do you think W would agree to go to MC after 12 months of S if she wasn't interested in R?
M36 W31 S4 S2 T5 M4 BD Jan12 S July12 Recon Sep12-Nov12 ILBINILWY Jan13 OM x 2 in 2013 W wants R July 13 I start D. Jan 14. Meet GF Nov 13 Have I changed enough? Jul 14
The same reason she's done some other things, T. That is why you are being told to be careful and take it slowly. We are all hoping this MC will be instrumental in giving both of you the tools you need, but it is much too early to tell if your W will continue this way or how effective the sessions will be for her.
It is really hard to change lifelong behaviors. It can be done, but it takes a lot of desire, effort, and determination. I believe you have what it takes. I hope your W does.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
T, I think that MC session is a great sign and I really do hope your W is serious about trying. But keep in mind that she told the MC she's "one toe in" which is also 9 toes out, so she's really not invested in reconciliation yet. Not sure if you've read my whole sitch, but after several months of S my W signed us up for RetroV. I was shocked! Up until then there had been no indication that she wanted to reconcile. The weekend went great, it seemed like she really broke down some barriers and we were connecting and communicating like never before. Then a couple of weeks later she put the walls right back up again and was back to "I don't want to try" and that's the way it's been ever since. So celebrate it as a baby step, but drop the expectations and keep up with your DB'ing!
Point taken, it's easy to get swept away in the latest baby step as if it's more than that.
M36 W31 S4 S2 T5 M4 BD Jan12 S July12 Recon Sep12-Nov12 ILBINILWY Jan13 OM x 2 in 2013 W wants R July 13 I start D. Jan 14. Meet GF Nov 13 Have I changed enough? Jul 14
Took the kids back today. Because of all the roadworks we ended up getting there around lunch time, W text me if we should all have lunch. I said yes. We had lunch and took the kids to the park to play. After that we dropped the kids off at W's SF's and we went for a walk. We talked about the MC session and other things. She asked me what I was doing this week. I said i would be coming down on Friday to visit the kids for a bit. She asked me if I wanted to stay over and I could spend time with/watch the kids on the Saturday morning (she will be getting ready for her SB wedding). I said no thanks, I have plans. It seemed awkward for both of us, she isn't used to getting turned down like that and I'm not used to turning her down because I have "plans".
We carried on chatting. About 10 mins later she asked what my "plans" were. I told her I was going to a movie on the Friday with a friend and going out on the Saturday evening to a few bars with the same friend. She pulled a little face. I justified what I was doing (I probably shouldn't have done but it did lead to more discussion) I said that even though I haven't liked the socializing in bars in the past the last few times I have enjoyed it. We chatted about the night I went out with my brother and that I bumped into some people I used to know (the women at the bar). She made a little comment, I can't remember what it was but it was obviously some sort of disliking. I said here's your chance W (with a playful smile), your obviously feeling something about what I have said. Rather than deflecting or hiding what you are really feeling with that comment, tell me what is on your mind. She laughed and said jokingly said I don't know what your talking about. I said you sure you don't want to be up front? She then said OK, I'm glad you are getting out and you are able to go out and enjoy yourself. I don't like that fact that your talking to women in bars but that is just part of being social. I said thanks for that, there isn't anything to it, she was just someone I used to know.
We talked more about all sorts of things. She asked me about changes I have made over the last year, I spoke about a few things but tried not make it all about me. W was telling me she was trying to not make decisions in the moment and sleeping on them. She said it can make for an awful nights sleep but it's stops her making any angry choices. I said I thought that was really good.
W asked when I was leaving. If the roadworks weren't there I would have left pretty soon but I didn't fancy sitting in traffic for an hour not moving. i said I would be leaving early evening. We went back to W's house with the kids. I spent most of the time sat with the kids. W kept coming in the room for different things. It feels like she was analysing everything I was doing. She brought up that I was being quiet. She mentioned that she understands that I have "plans" but the MC told us to spend time together and she keeps asking to spend time with me and I'm turning her down. I said that she only told us on Friday, I'm here today and I will be here on Friday and next Wednesday to go to the zoo. She said that it's nice but it's all to do with the kids. She wants me to spend time with her. I said OK fair point. A bit later I said how about if she gets a sitter after the zoo on Wednesday we will go out for dinner. She loved that idea.
She made a numerous sexual comments while I was there. I made sure I didn't join in too much and didn't prolong it myself. We were looking at some toys for S3's birthday. She sat down and invited me to sit with her and joked she wouldn't bite unless I asked her too. I can't remember what I said but she replied with I can't help myself right now I really want to *^&* you! I laughed a bit. She also said that part of her likes the fact that I'm not giving in to her!
When I was leaving she brought up next Wednesday and asked if I wanted to stay over. I said I would think about it. I actually instigated a hug which I never really did before. We went into the hug, it was a good hug, after a short while I slightly repositioned myself as if I was stopping to give her chance to stop but she clung on so I kept it going, after a while I did the same again and she stayed put. After another few seconds I broke the hug.
She text me later thanking me for my company and that was a really nice day.
It was a nice day. There was so much more to the day than what I wrote above, I just picked out the bits that I thought stood out.
She is trying, she is showing some patience and understanding. She seems more mellow. She seems....nice.
M36 W31 S4 S2 T5 M4 BD Jan12 S July12 Recon Sep12-Nov12 ILBINILWY Jan13 OM x 2 in 2013 W wants R July 13 I start D. Jan 14. Meet GF Nov 13 Have I changed enough? Jul 14
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
