I mentioned Sunday's sermon on Esther. One of the things that was pointed out is that Esther was a beautiful woman. She was the most beautiful woman in the persian empire. But what made her truly beautiful was her character.
Your wife may be beautiful on the outside, but she is a selfish inconsiderate woman. The inside is rotting. She is not a prize. I think you need to think more about what is on the inside than what you see on the outside.
You deserve better. She is a curse on your life, not a blessing.
//Terms which could be levelled at me would be “batting above my average” or “Punching above my weight” in terms of being with W//
No, you are not "batting above your average". She is not a catch. She is a broken person who is completely insensitive to the feelings of the people around her. Your perception of her based on her physical appearance is distorted. Look at the entire woman, not just the package.
Your perception of her based on her physical appearance is distorted.
Again you are right, it's this distortion which has kept me in the M when I should have long gone, but as I was told this weekend "You live and learn..."
Loads on my mind this evening not sure if I’ll get a good nights sleep.
W is dressing up for another night out can’t believe the things she’s doing. she is a bleep, bleep , bleep, bleep !!! Good, got that off my chest.
Did my exercise tonight, no air con in the gym boy did I sweat, actually the gym is benefiting me as I’m toning up and gaining confidence whereby I’m not avoiding my reflection in shop windows or mirrors. Last time I felt like this was 2008. (just before we went into limbo).
Need to concentrate more at work, it seems I’m letting things distract me from the job at hand, work pays the bills so I have to give it 100%.
I was just recalling a conversation I had with D11 whereby she was telling me that her one wish was for me and W to get back together. I had to tell her that would never happen, but she should wish for W and I to be friends sometime in the future. At the moment I can’t see that happening either but I do pray for guidance to help lead me to a path whereby I can forgive W and we become friends.
Divorce papers are with W solicitors who will return them to the courts who will then issue the Decree Nisi stating the marriage is ending. Decree absolute to finally end the marriage is a minimum of eight weeks away but usually takes longer.
Both legal teams are lining up to bleed us dry, or should I say bleed me dry. Apart from that it’s a nice summers evening in the UK and I’m having a glass of wine before bed time.
I was struggling in work today to stay focused and I wanted to talk to so many people about my sitch but I thought not many of them could make a difference or even help me and I may just come across to them as a winey loser.
However I did put out a call to my old school friend who I’ve know since I was 11 years old (he currently works as a contractor in Doha in the middle east). I told him what was currently going on and some of the things I have seen, and he just said “friend why are you putting yourself through all that torture trying to find our what’s going on in W’s life”. “You know what she’s doing and what she done, so just leave all that behind and focus on yourself, your job and your daughter and don't let your values drop like W has, keep your self respect and dignity”.
He followed up with some other good advice which is the sort of basic good stuff you folk on here would be giving me ( No snooping, listening to conversations, reading letters, going through overnight bags etc) and he knows nothing at all about DB. I should have recorded that call to playback when I’m starting to slip, but it did give me a lift and has probably stopped me from doing things this week end that I shouldn’t.
Instead of being home getting D11 ready for her school leavers party W is, Well… elsewhere.
I’ve made sure D11 looks good and smells nice (what do I know about girls party dresses).
Following on from my chat with my friend he also said don’t bad mouth W to others, people will see her actions and draw their own conclusions, People know and respect Lanzo so just let all things pan out and come out in the wash.
Being separated and living under the same roof is no easy thing, it’s like I’m getting a front row seat to W moving on whether I like it or not. I should be doing the same but I’m not ready for dating or anything like that.
I need to busy myself this weekend as D11 will be away camping and W looks to be getting ready for her weekend away, I’m struggling with the metal images but need to press on, she’s not W she’s an Alien.
OK, Friday evening I will go round to my brothers house for a drink and a chat, he like others is telling me all the right things but the good feelings he’s talking about won’t come until the D is final. The Decree Nisi will be issued in about 3 weeks, the decree absolute sometime afterwards when we complete financial matters.
Saturday, I plan to strip the boiler at my house and make a repair, it’s had a leak on it for a long time and I’ve been meaning to fix it but I just didn’t want to leave the house without hot water for a while. I’m on my own this weekend so I can take my time about it. In the afternoon if all is ok I will go for a bike ride.
Sunday I will make the early church service and straight after that I will go to my boot camp exercise class. The class is a killer but it’s getting me in shape, people are noticing my weight lose which pleases me, but the loss is really down to a combination of exercise and D stress. In the afternoon I will be at my nieces house helping her husband with a building project and hopefully getting a nice Sunday dinner afterwards.
That’s my plan for the weekend, If anything changes I’ll let you know.
