T, thanks for clarifying in your responses to my post.
I want to respond to this:
Quote:
Do you think she could be doing this just to get control again?
Who cares? Sorry for the bluntness but really, If you are in control of you it doesn't matter. And that's why sex is dangerous territory for you right now because you're in a vulnerable spot, your marriage is in a vulnerable spot, you aren't in control of you.
As I said before, have sex, don't have sex, have dinner, don't have dinner, just remember it's a choice you're making. All choices have consequences, so make that choice fully accepting the consequences, positive or negative.
W emailed me about a few things and said she couldn't afford the nursery bill so she will need the £** she was going to give towards the MC appointment.
My first reaction (in my head) was anger that she was maybe backing out of it. I thought of all sorts of replies ranging from complaining to it wasn't fair blah blah blah.
I sat and thought about it for a while. She may or may not be able to afford it. She might be backing out. I can't control any of that. Should I post on here asking what to say, what to do?
I went back to work and pondered for a bit: She said she was willing to go, I want to go, I can at least make the first appointment happen even if it is hard to afford. That is what I want so that is what I'm going to do. If I struggle financially it was my choice to go ahead and that's my problem.
I told her I would cover this one and go from there. It now arranged and we will either get there or we won't.
M36 W31 S4 S2 T5 M4 BD Jan12 S July12 Recon Sep12-Nov12 ILBINILWY Jan13 OM x 2 in 2013 W wants R July 13 I start D. Jan 14. Meet GF Nov 13 Have I changed enough? Jul 14
I think that's good. You took the high road and put the ball back in her court.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
Yes they replied just this morning. Unfortunately they weren't able to offer anything. I will just have to wait a bit and see if my brother is available.
M36 W31 S4 S2 T5 M4 BD Jan12 S July12 Recon Sep12-Nov12 ILBINILWY Jan13 OM x 2 in 2013 W wants R July 13 I start D. Jan 14. Meet GF Nov 13 Have I changed enough? Jul 14
Financially they were very accommodating. If we can get childcare we will definitely be able to do Retrouvaille.
M36 W31 S4 S2 T5 M4 BD Jan12 S July12 Recon Sep12-Nov12 ILBINILWY Jan13 OM x 2 in 2013 W wants R July 13 I start D. Jan 14. Meet GF Nov 13 Have I changed enough? Jul 14
W emailed me about a few things and said she couldn't afford the nursery bill so she will need the £** she was going to give towards the MC appointment.
My first reaction (in my head) was anger that she was maybe backing out of it. I thought of all sorts of replies ranging from complaining to it wasn't fair blah blah blah.
I sat and thought about it for a while. She may or may not be able to afford it. She might be backing out. I can't control any of that. Should I post on here asking what to say, what to do?
I went back to work and pondered for a bit: She said she was willing to go, I want to go, I can at least make the first appointment happen even if it is hard to afford. That is what I want so that is what I'm going to do. If I struggle financially it was my choice to go ahead and that's my problem.
I told her I would cover this one and go from there. It now arranged and we will either get there or we won't.
Remember how you did this. This is valuable.
You didn't let emotion rule your head.
You made your decision based on what your value was here (I'm assuming it's that MC is important for you right now).
You didn't take her answer personally and create a story around it based on your "stuff."
That's why knowing your values and your boundaries is so important. Decision making becomes much easier.
You can do this.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Do you believe that sex too early will derail the process and definitely not help at all?
I feel that if I do withhold just to prove a point I will come across as petty. Sounds daft saying it but it does. It's like I'm lording control over her.
Putting sex aside for a second do you also think this applies to other things, like having dinner together, spending time talking?
I'd like to answer those questions, but I believe it's more important to hear what you think. You made a decision about financing the first session of MC. So, based on what you've learned from past experiences and what your main goal is today, how would you answer those question?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
W emailed me about a few things and said she couldn't afford the nursery bill so she will need the £** she was going to give towards the MC appointment.
My first reaction (in my head) was anger that she was maybe backing out of it. I thought of all sorts of replies ranging from complaining to it wasn't fair blah blah blah.
I sat and thought about it for a while. She may or may not be able to afford it. She might be backing out. I can't control any of that. Should I post on here asking what to say, what to do?
I went back to work and pondered for a bit: She said she was willing to go, I want to go, I can at least make the first appointment happen even if it is hard to afford. That is what I want so that is what I'm going to do. If I struggle financially it was my choice to go ahead and that's my problem.
I told her I would cover this one and go from there. It now arranged and we will either get there or we won't.
Remember how you did this. This is valuable.
You didn't let emotion rule your head.
You made your decision based on what your value was here (I'm assuming it's that MC is important for you right now).
You didn't take her answer personally and create a story around it based on your "stuff."
That's why knowing your values and your boundaries is so important. Decision making becomes much easier.
You can do this.
Thanks labug,
Even though it took quite a bit of unnatural thought from me it felt right once I applied it. It's a much more simpler process. One that I would like to get used to.
M36 W31 S4 S2 T5 M4 BD Jan12 S July12 Recon Sep12-Nov12 ILBINILWY Jan13 OM x 2 in 2013 W wants R July 13 I start D. Jan 14. Meet GF Nov 13 Have I changed enough? Jul 14
