Tell me if you agree with the following section (from Dr. Laura):
"A husband is like a horse. At the end of the day he is usually rode hard and put away sweaty. Like in the movies, if his master drives and beats him, he'll go just so far before bucking and rebelling. If you love him, if you coax him, he'll drive himself till his heart explodes before he will let down his master. He'll give himself to death for the one he loves. Which way should women handle a man?" I have never gotten a complaint from a male listener in twenty-five years on the radio over my assertion that men are very simple creatures. They agree. I have explained time and again on my radio program that men are borne of women and spend the rest of their lives yearning for a woman's acceptance and approval. Unless you've got a man with a frank mental or personality disorder (the exception, not the rule), men admittedly are putty in the hands of a woman they love. Give him direct communication, respect, appreciation, food, and good lovin', and he'll do just about anything you wish -- foolish or not.
This is from the blurb about her new book " The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands". I agree 100% with everything in the blurb, so I may have to read the book. It seems from what I know, that Dr. Laura has "GREAT" marriages all figured out (at least for HD men and maybe as well for LD men). She reads letters EVERY night from women that have seen incredible changes in their own marriages just by following the principals of this book. Blurb from Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands
Hairdog, do you feel like the horse in the example above, I know I sure do. The problem I think that most of us HD guys are in is that we are the horse that is carrying the master(wife). We LOVE to serve her needs, and to take care of her, literally till ours hearts would burst. But if the master(SHE) does not take good care of the horse, there is only so little we as the horse can do to LEAD the relationship. Eventually, without the proper care and feeding, the horse has 2 options: 1)To have it's spirit broken, or 2) To BOLT and throw the Rider, and thus look for a new master(divorce). Boy don't these options SUCK. I hate to say it, but Dr. Laura has it pegged 100%, the woman has almost ALL the power to determine how good the marriage will be. We as the horse must provide whatever the master needs to be happy. But it is still up to the master to determine how we get put away for the night.
Would our wives read a book like this? Would they blow up?
Why do so many women NOT understand how great marriages work? Dr. Laura even comments that she is TOTALLY amazed that women DO NOT UNDERSTAND this theory!
To the HD guys, how many of you find yourself to be a "Simple Creature (the horse)", and all you want is admiration and lots of great lovin'. Put me down for 1 vote!
CeMar, we know all this stuff. The person who doesn't know it is your wife. Because you haven't told her forcefully enough and in enough detail. If your level of explanation is to tell her that she suffers from Hypoactive Sexual Disorder (or whatever it's called) she is not going to listen to you.
If you tell her that you are so miserably unhappy that you think the marriage might not continue, she will listen.
When you are going to take some of the stuff you say here over and over and over again and tell her?
CeMar, I can't believe you just said that. Are you listening to yourself? My H is just like your W. He won't read the book and he controls the cold temperature of this marriage. If you read the book you know Michelle told us that the LD is the one that has the reins in this area. Trust me when I say that if he gave me the high sign I'd be on my knees doing my best to wake-up Jr. so he'd come out to play. To hell with pride. I can't clean enough, work hard enough, stay away from my family long enough to please this man and earn some sex and or affection. Hell, if I could some affection and flirting I'd stay around to see what else might develope.
I will tell you all this. This is the last year I stay faithful to a man that would rather jack-off to a picture than roll around on the bed with me.
Is it safe to say that unless both spouses care enough to read the book, put into practice its principles and do something about the unhappiness that nobody is going to be happy?
Whatwillbe, please think twice about what you said about not staying faithful. Its a hard road to travel. Has your H read the book? Seems to me the most frequent thing I hear from most is the ability to get the LD spouse to even realise there is a problem. And then to get the LD to do something about it Would seem to me if the LD acknowledges a problem and agrees to compromise the HD has to be willing to do the same thing. Compromise. Isn't that what marriage is all about? Anyway, just my thoughts.
Quote: Is it safe to say that unless both spouses care enough to read the book, put into practice its principles and do something about the unhappiness that nobody is going to be happy?
No, it's not entirely accurate. The LD spouse will be happy as long as you're not bothering him/her about sex.
And while "compromise" is a good idea, it takes two, and the LD's seem to barely give an inch when we HDs have to give a mile...and our spirit....
On the lighter side, I did have a nice afternoon/evening with my W. She even held my hand while we were in the hottub, watching it snow. It would have been very romantic but for the four kids that were splashing around with us. Have a great weekend everyone!
That was my point. Maybe I didn't convey that very well. It will take "both" spouses to "compromise" to make everyone happy. Just seems to me that every day of my life I am compromising on something to keep the peace. I am beginning to think thats just the way life is, unless you are alone and do what the heck you want all the time, but then wouldn't life be so dull?
I am not sure there is a possibility for compromise. One wants sex every day, the other NEVER wants sex. So compromise means to meet in the middle, which would be sex every other day. NOT GONNA HAPPEN. There is no way in the world for a LD spouse to get to that level. If you get them to once a week, THAT WOULD BE MIRACULOUS. So let's say it's once a week, this will be a lot of hard work for the LD spouse, and for the HD spouse, this is BARELY tolerable. Can a LD spouse keep this up, DOUBTFUL!
Then the REALLY important part, it's all about DESIRE. Frequency is really not all that important. HD spouses want GREAT sex, which requires the FULL, DESIREABLE PARTICIPATION of the other spouse. Making love to a person that does not have their heart can actually be WORSE then no sex at all!! I actually make love bank withdrawls for this, even though the wife is ML to me. I could have a better time with a PAID professional, then to ML to a spouse that is "Doing Her Marital Duty".
it seems that sex isn't really the issue for you...since if you withdraw love bank credits when w does have sex with you but isn't as into it as you would like.
so then what ways does w show you that she loves you, needs you, desires you, cares for you, wants you...etc...outside of the bedroom?
and keep in mind though I am a woman I am the hd partner and I'm not asking to be pissy I'm asking cause I do the same damn thing and don't want to.
Love Bank Cards? Is that something in SSM? Maybe I need to go back and read it again? Or maybe someone would be nice enough to explain to me what that is.
Would seem to me if the LD acknowledges a problem and agrees to compromise the HD has to be willing to do the same thing. Compromise. Isn't that what marriage is all about? Anyway, just my thoughts. 