Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Husband Threatened to Leave, Don't know what to do

"He doesn't want to be angry anymore. "

Then he should really talk to someone. It's not your job to make him happy. You're changing for him and yourself which is a good thing. If he can't see that, ultimately it's HIS choice not to see it.

I completely 100% understand his frustrations and anger. It makes sense to me for sure. And yes it's my mistake that it took threatening to leave for me to finally get it. But I have committed myself to make this apart of my life. And not just for him...but for me. I want to be a more loving affectionate person. I really do. And at the start of the week it took a conscious decision. It's almost like as if its actually starting to come a little bit natural to me. I'm enjoying it. I feel like a very loving wife this week and he enjoys it. I know he does. And he even tells me.

I haven't brought up R talk at all this week. Im definitely acting "as if", and i feel like I have had a very casual spirit about me when I'm around him. And it seems to put him in a better mood. I haven't showed him one tear since this happened. Even though there has been hundreds after he leaves. I'm trying my best to be carefree and attractive to him.

A few weeks ago he awoke and had a very bad day. So grumpy and assured me it wasn't me. He didn't know what it was. I'm wondering if maybe he is having internal emotional issues with something else as we'll and finds it easy to blame it on our marriage? After having such a wonderful time yesterday and a great night in bed last night it just puzzles me as to how he can come home for lunch in the worst mood ever.

Mr Bond, how do I bring up maybe talking to someone about his anger without jeopardizing everything?

And how do I shut my brain off...and the tears after a puzzling afternoon.

We are going in a vacation this weekend with the kids and he sounded very excited about it last night. Should I see that as a positive sign?

Maybe I'm missing something but I don't see where your H told you that he was leaving. He's been doing a number of positive changes and he's happy with your progress.

You said that you had the same issues before which is why he left the first time. In what way were those issues resolved? Or were they swept under the rug? What made him want to come back?

I really think in this situation, if you were to keep up your consistent changes, you'll be fine. When he is angry, maybe tell him that you can see that he is frustrated about something and that if he wants to talk to you about it, you'll be there. Then give him a hug and walk away.

Try not to be overly concerned about whether something he says or does means anything.

But do make the best of your weekend. Try to enjoy it for what it is and not what it means for your marriage.

I would, however, talk to your husband about counseling. I know he is uncertain about the future of your M but he can't have it both ways.

He can't say he wants more physical affection and then be a cold fish when you give it to him; he's setting you up to fail. You need positive reinforcement if he wants your changes to stick.

I just want to start by thanking everyone for your guidance. I appreciate it more than you know...




The very first day he brought this up to me, I asked if he was going to leave. His response was " If I was leaving I would have already left." but then went on to say he doesn't know what he is going to do. He doesn't know what to do. He told me he isn't saying that to scare me but just wants me to know whats going on.



The issues before were not about sex and touch. He was unhappy overall with our marriage. We had a lot of issues that we have overcome and our marriage hasn't been better in that aspect. We talk about it all the time. So much that he tattooed our wedding date on his ring finger. This time its all about sex and affection. They weren't swept under the rug, they were fixed and our marriage got better. He came back cause he realized he made a mistake and still loved me and wanted to try again.



Im trying so hard to keep up the changes. Its been a full week and I'm doing really well. And it feels good. But he isn't giving me much back. Tonight after work I asked him how his day was and he replied "not good". We had supper with his parents and he was very quiet. Right before we left he pulled me in for a hug and called me "hun" which was nice to hear. But then when we got home he just got quiet. He is struggling with something. My changes are very consistent but its so hard when he isn't giving me much back. But i'm committed. After we returned home he wanted to go to the gym so before he left I gave him a hug and he snuggled his head in a little bit and brought up an issue with his phone and how he wants to get it fixed this weekend in the big city on our vacation. I try and take these small words about the future as positive signs and it helps me to have hope and continue in my ways thankfully. But then he mopes his way out the door......



This is something I need to work on. Every breath, word, move he makes I evaluate. And try to find the positives in....I'm going to try and have a great weekend. He has began a new adventure in reffing hockey and also mentioned today while we are in the city he would like to meet with his boss so they can meet us and maybe go out for supper with him. I thought this was great that he actually wanted him to meet us. But unfortunately he is out of town:( Don't know what to think....

Just read Sandi's rules also....I have broke #11 big time. Don't say I Love You. I have been doing that alot. And I think because that is part of our problem. He complained how he always initiates it and I never do...but the last two times today that I said it he didn't say it back. How do I stop that but show him my consistent change at the same time?

The rules aren't hard and fast. If he needs to hear it from time to time as part of one of your 180s then say it.

If you want to balance your desire to show him affection and have him respond to it, then try this.

When he is cold and distant, then simply tell him "I love you" and maybe he just gets a hug. When he's being nicer, then maybe he gets "I love you" with a genuine smile, longer hugs, and maybe a kiss (or more).

Don't tell him what you are doing, because it will seem manipulative. But you are showing him that the nicer he is to you, the more and better the affection he receives. ("Show, don't tell.:)

I would just like to add that you should just take the weekend as it is and don't overthink it.

My W and I went to a mutual friends wedding this past weekend and I took it as an event where I could show her that we can spend time together without putting pressure on her and it felt really nice. It hasn't changed anything but it was obvious she could see some of the changes I've been making are positive ones.