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GM

I am so angry and livid about this situation. I have a tendency to overreact but I am just spent. I just don't see how I am going to get out of this situation. I just don't see how H is going to agree to anything unless it is completely in his best interest and completely screws me.

He is out to destroy me.

WH

Yup, been there for 20+ months. I have been absolutely desperate at times and couldn't see my way out of it. I thought I would break under the pressure of the D, my mom's cancer, raising the boys on my own and keeping up with the demands of my job. Things turned around for me emotionally when in my mind I detached from my life as I know it and came up with a plan that is actually better for me long term. That snapped xh into reality. He doesn't have the power that he thought he had. Keep focused on what you need to land on your feet. Forget fair or what your h and OW are cooking up. Honestly, it just doesn't matter. Only the well being of you and your kids does. Keep it simple, WH. You will see your way through this.

Just talked to the attorney. He said no judge is gonna give you two days to move out of the house. He says he received another email from H and that H is empowered by what the GAL has written. Now he thinks he is unstoppable and now he's gonna be an even bigger @$$.

My attorney doesn't think H will get his way. He thinks once it is revealed that H and OW have a scheme to get me out of the house to satisfy their agenda, the judge will not be happy.

I don't know what we are going to do about this GAL situation. It is almost like he is taking a back seat and just brushing it under the rug so he doesn't have to deal with it. I am so angry that I am expected to do what H wants, yet he doesn't have to abide by any rules.

I don't feel too much better after talking to the attorney. I am supposed to meet with him on Wednesday to see where we are going from here.

Like I said I feel hopeless and that there is no light at the end of the tunnel.

WH

So the attorney forwarded me H's letter. He is out of his mind!!! He is crazy as a loon.

Now H is saying he will not agree to take on the second mortgage if I don't sign the agreement he drafted up in January that states 50/50 placement and no maintenance. HA! He wants to have financial mediation about the other stuff which there needs to be no mediation. He gets his car, I get mine and the rest split 50/50. Now here is where it gets interesting.

H has said all along I owe him money because we are "upside down" on the house. But if you remove the second mortgage from the picture, the house has $11,000 equity. If we split the debt equally (including the second mortgage), H will incur more assets and hereby will owe me money. Quite a bit.

So I am starting to feel better. I need to give myself more credit I guess.

WH

Your H's plan makes absolutely no sense. You have the power here regarding assets and debts. Insist the house be sold, along with any other assets, and what's left will be split whether it's an asset or a debt. Your h is an absolute fool and went about this all wrong. If he had worked with you he might have a way to keep the house, but working against you hurts his plan. You do have a say since your name is on the mortgage. I'd foil his plan of moving OW into your home. Find a way to get it on the market or make him pay you half of the equity to leave, following a refi.

I can't believe he really thinks he can demand something from you in order for you to receive maintenance. Seriously, WH. You are in a much better position in all of this than your h. He is so invested in carrying out his grand scheme. All of his actions show this. He is so fearful that it's not going to work that's why he's making demands and acting like an idiot.

Have you talked to your attorney about having the DA garnish your H's wages? Do you have to be D'd to get that? They will act on your behalf for free. He will have a heck of a time refinancing once that's in place if he's barely paying the mortgage now. Having OW move in won't help with a refi. If he calls her a renter, guess what, now he has another source of income for you to tap. Think creatively, WH. I think you will be just fine.

I agree w/GM, if your name is on the mortgage, insist that the house be sold or he buy you out. If he wants to refinance, he can apply for the amount necessary to buy you out and have the refinanced home in his name only. The two of you can divide everything else equally and walk away.

I also agree w/GM, you actually have more control over the situation than he thinks and just remember...you are the sane one who is thinking straight right now. Put that business hat on and start doing the math because I would certainly force his hand to sell that house or get moving on the refinancing.

Thanks ladies.

I think I will tell my attorney to force the sale ofthr house if he can't move forward with refinancing. This is going to be very interesting. H thinks he has the upper hand. I think reality is going to bite very soon. I am ready to play hard ball.

I smell fear. It's all over H's letter. He's scared. I see right through it. You're right. H is losing his head. It's of utmost importance I keep mine on straight.

WH

It doesn't seem like you have anything to lose, only gain, by forcing a sale. Why should you be the only one fretting over where you are going to live? It's time your h and OW get a reality check. They are completely delusional and cruel, I might add. What kind of people just toss someone aside as if their life and survival doesn't matter. You are the mother of the kids for God sakes. I'm so heated over your situation. It hits too close to home.

Keep taking the high road. At least you can look at yourself in the mirror.

((((((((((WH))))))))))

I disagree - if the house is underwater still, I don't see what value there is to forcing a sale (and you still have to count the second mortgage, so it's still under water, correct?)

And I actually agree with the GAL - it is a very bad situation for the kids the way you are living, and it would be better for the kids if you two could split ASAP.

I know you have concerns about finances, and need to get things worked out in such a way that you can afford to move. But I also know that the rest of this stuff - criticizing his parenting style, bickering over how much kid contact you can have on each other's days etc. - is stuff you simply have to LET GO of. No, you won't be able to keep your kids from being around OW when you're divorced. Yes, OW might move into the house if he keeps it. Yes, he might do things differently as a parent than you would (all dads do - and btw, it really wasn't irresponsible of your H to leave your daughter in the bathroom to brush her hair. You can't watch kids every second of the day, and that was not an unusual situation - your D just did an unpredictably wacky thing.Not his fault. And no, bleach is not good for you, but it does kill mold, and if you cleaned the bottles thoroughly enough afterwards, probably no more chlorine exposure than one trip to a swimming pool.)

You keep telling H what he CAN'T do in this divorce settlement - maybe you would get somewhere if you presented him with a workable plan that gets you out of the house ASAP? Something like:

- x dollars in temporary support (have you filed for temporary support yet?)
- a REASONABLE list of the 1/2 furniture you want
- x dollars for deposits and last month's rent on an apartment
- 3 month limit on refinancing versus putting the house on the market. (It doesn't take any longer than that to get through the process.)

Thanks KML

I believe H will only agree with a settlement that he creates. He is under the impression that he can force me out with no financial arrangement. H also only agrees to let me have the furniture he wants me to have. Nothing else.

I asked my attorney if I could get money for first and last months' rent and he said if H is claiming he is broke and we have no money then where is he going to get it? So that option is not viable.

And that's what I want. A time limit on refinancing. I don't want him stringinge along any more than he has. If he can't prove ability to refi in however many days put it up for sale. The house is not that far underwater. If market values keep going up there is a possibility the house will not be underwater any more.

I am just going to see what A's strategy is and go from there. Like I said, I want to get away from him, but I need to make sure all my ducks are in a row.

WH