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Kelela, just current on this thread, so I do not know what precipitated your BD etc.

I would say read my thread but it's really long so I will sum up for you.

H and I split in September...ILYBINILWY ....haven't been for ( insert years here, because it varied).

Found out six weeks later that he was seeing someone else starting shortly after our split.

He continued seeing her for nine months and she broke it off when she asked him to choose between her and his friendship with me. He choose to have our friendship, but not before he threw me under the bus a few times in favour of XGF.

I asked that the children not meet her. Seven months in he said it was serious and talked about moving in together. I said that we would have to be divorced, and if he felt this strongly, then he needed to explain to kids that he was seeing someone. She broke up with him the first time two weeks later, so talk never happened.

The point is, I was not good with kids meeting OW. Most advice suggests a minimum of one year. Hopefully h will be on board. My suggestion is if he brings it up, say that you understand she is a part of his life and that the children will have to be introduced one day etc. but it is early on for THEM.

I always validated Hs feelings about his GF even though I was absolutely certain it would not last at all. They are his feelings after all, not mine

My other point is that they will often like to remind you how serious their relationship is and how they really want to make it work etc. as I have been reminded a few times, believe none of what you hear....

Become happy. Drives spouses crazy. Simply because you are the root of all evil and OP is amazing. I say become happy because often the spouse thinks he will be happy when he gets away. Most times this doesn't happen at all.

Good luck, stop obsessing about the moving in, been there, done that. Doesn't help

I agree KP, good post I like the bit about being happy, I'm always happy when H is round because I'm pleased to see him I also like the bit when you say that they say that they are happy when they aren't. My H goes around telling everyone that he's happier now than he's been for a long time.
Some important post came for H this morning, but I'm not going to tell him about it if he's not even going to answer my calls. He has to be the next one to contact me

Trust me 180, he is not.

The most revealing thing H ever said to me was " when I left, I thought I would be happy. You became happy and I didn't. Then I began to realize that maybe it wasn't all your fault after all"

Thank you I really appreciate your response and I will be following your advice.I just got in touch with a formal person I use to work out with at The gym I go to
She will be moving back into town and I had told her to get in contact with me and we can meet up and go out and have fun. She just recently got divorce and she is ready to get her life back and I told her that is what I'm trying to do right now. So I can't wait to hang out and maybe get some excersize tips from her she is trying to be a personal trainer. Again thank you in hope to hear more from you.

Hi K, great news about your friend That'll make your life heap loads better

Good morning K.

I've been thinking about what you shared with me yesterday.

I believe this new information shows you more clearly that your H's behavior isn't about you.

He's not off with OW and madly in love - or he wouldn't be doing what he's doing.

Its clearly all about him, and all about the thrill he seeks/needs.

If you look at it that way, its almost good news?

Your H clearly has huge holes in his psyche and he's trying the wrong things to fill them. Let him go, don't waste your energy trying to stop what is not in your control. Let him burn himself out and then see if he comes to his senses, and see if you are still interested in him when that time comes.

Take care K

BTW, I see you popped over to 180's thread! Good for you K! I'm excited to see you reaching out

I agree Miz It was good to see K on my thread

Good for you K, the more you get to others' threads the more info you gather!!
Glad about the gym, jealous about the friend, all mine are married lol! I joined groups in city (an hour away) to meet new people...can't keep tagging along my married friends

OK I hear you about H. Im very proud of myself I haven't called or text him in couple of days and I have been really in a good mood. 4days to go yes its sad that I'm counting down to the day H moves out. And with The new 411 I found out about H its a bit easier to srtart letting him go and live his sad life that he is creating for himself. At this time I don't know how I will feel if he decides to come back to my family right now I don't think I would go back to him after what i just learned. But I could always change my mind later. But right now I'm enjoying my new beginning of my new life with my boys. Still taking it day by day tho.

I'm still trying to figure out how to go to your thread and mizj site. I don't know how I got to your thread I guess I did something right but I can't remember how I did it.