As impossible as it seems, we keep wanting to look back at the carnage and figure out what happened, but the best and only and most difficult task we can accomplish is to go forward, because we know backwards does not work.
Quote: Guess I'm needing continued support from my BB buds!
I know the feeling! Please know that I keep up on whats going on with you.
Quote: I'm going to try to keep each day filled with a balance of work, exercise, friends, spiritual meditations, and fresh air (when the wind chill isn't so harsh!)
This is a great plan.... I will borrow it if you don't mind!
Quote: Then watch how somebody starts to pursue you a little more when he sees that you all of a sudden are not WAITING around for him to get.."unstuck"...LOL..
I can't WAIT for my H to start pursuing me again!!
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
Thanks so much for keeping up on my thread...and I appreciate all feedback.
Just wanted you to know that M emailed me yesterday with address (all the details), but his comment was somewhat sarcastic. Then he went on to give me some details of his up-coming business travel...said he would keep me informed when he was out of town. The at the end of the email, he asked me to update him on his extended family (I'm the one they contact and keep informed)...then said he hoped I was doing well and take care...
I responded later in the day with family info, simple feedback and told him "I'll contact you after I get back from AZ if I have anything to fill you in on." Not exactly the words Wiley suggested....but then a couple hours later H called me. He wanted to know if I was still feeling bad about our last conv. "I said no, I'm moving in a forward direction and just taking good care of me." I was upbeat and cheerful. He chatted a bit more and then said he would probably call me one more time before I left for AZ. (Hmmmmm ). I said fine...then I said I had to go...beat him to the punch.
Ok...ok...I think I'm back on track.
Today, I'm off to an all day seminar (work-related)...then chilling out tonight. Dealing with one day at a time. Week-end nights are a little tricky...most of my local friends have spouses or kids at home to keep them busy. I'm working on that one.
Thanks for keeping up....I'll visit your sitch's at the end of the day.
Quote: I responded later in the day with family info, simple feedback and told him "I'll contact you when I get back from AZ if I have anything to fill you in on.." But then a couple hours later H CALLED ME.
VERY GOOD Mooka!! Of course he called you, because he wasn't expecting you to say that YOU'LL CALL HIM IF YOU NEED TO..those are the words of a confident woman who is UPBEAT and DOESN'T APPEAR TO BE WAITING AROUND..thats awfully attractive for starters, and secondly, it turns the tables a little because you are setting the tone instead of always following/reacting to his..
Quote: He wanted to know if I was still feeling bad about our last conv. "I said no, I'm moving in a forward direction and just taking good care of me."
Not bad, but if you want to get him to PURSUE a little more, you might try in a happy non chalant tone.."You know, this might sound strange..but to be perfectly honest, I HAVEN'T really thought about our last conversation, my mind has been focused on OTHER things.." and then shift the converstaion to something else so he is left to WONDER what you mean by that..This is how you USE the SPACE and SEPERATION to YOUR advantage, by ACTING perfectly happy JUST THE WAY THINGS ARE right now..
Of course he's going to call you before you go to AZ, and unless you feel its important to take that call, there is nothing in the rule book that says you have to take that call. I'd let it go unanswered, because you did TELL him you'd call him AFTER you got back....
Its ok to let him feel the consequences of HIS CHOICE to seperate. YOUR choice is to move forward with or without him, and when he really starts to see that legitimately happening, my uneducated guess is things will turn for the better..
That is awesome the way you handled that conversation. Doesn't it make you feel good when you are back in control and look what happens. H takes notice!
Quote: if you want to get him to PURSUE a little more, you might try in a happy non chalant tone.."You know, this might sound strange..but to be perfectly honest, I HAVEN'T really thought about our last conversation, my mind has been focused on OTHER things.."
Wiley this is great! You could start a thread with suggested responses that work better.
Not a whole lot to report, but wanted to bump up a bit!!
I have kept myself pretty busy. The week-end days are easy to fill with productive stuff. Went to a seminar on Sat for my work (it was great!!). Did church on Sunday and ran a bunch of errands. Did some solid exercising, too. It's the evenings on the week-end that are quiet. I had some great phone calls with best friends out west. But I think the quiet time alone is adding value to my current search. This was my first week-end without evening plans. I did A-OKAY and am proud of it. I'm thinking about my journey and NOT feeling sad.
I've been reading T2's strategy regarding making your own happiness and putting yourself 1st. That is my plan.
This week is crammed full days and nights...with work, social stuff, meetings, etc. I have a couple of close friends here...that I spend time with that make me laugh so hard....we cry with laughter, and those endorphins really kick in! We can also talk and be supportive of sitch. I'm luck to have them in my life.
Ok...h updates:
He calls last Fri, just checking in. Says he will probably not call for a while, til I get back from AZ. (3/22). I remain upbeat, busy, and say ok, that's fine. He called Mon. morning...simple questions re: kids, finances, etc. I'm in the middle of something, so only can talk briefly. He says he may call again in the next day or 2 BEFORE i leave for AZ. I say "ok, fine." He went on to ask about my week-end....I said" it went well, was pretty busy, had a good week-end." I asked him how his was...he said "oh, it was okay." He seemed subdued. (GOOD!)
What's with all the brief phone calls, I wonder
He also emails with the kids and copies me on all of them...tho nothing directly from him to me. We had agreed to keep ea other informed with all kid communications.
Hmmmm. Just trying to keep myself focused on ME and what I can do to keep in a forward direction.
Ok, now one last thing....a confession of sorts....that your feedback may be helpful on.
I have met a very attractive man who is in this weekly ALPHA course. WE met in Jan. Well, he is divorced (2+ yrs)....he and group know the basics of my sitch. We all share our a lot....it's a spiritual support group of sorts. Not too heavy, just supportive. Anyway....there is "chemistry" between us....you know the glances across the room, extra hugs, 1:1 empathy, concern. Not quite flirting, but it is good for the ego. It's strangely comforting to feel this way. It doesn't feel wrong....just odd to have a sort of attraction. I've been so loyal for so long to H and M....that I haven't stepped back and allowed myself to feel this way. Don't worry, I'm not going to act on this and jepordize my efforts here....but is it wrong to feel that I would like to develop this friendship?
I have no real male friends here....only lived here 2 yrs and my work doesn't really lend itself to male friendship much, like past jobs.
Just thought I'd update you BB pals if you can wade through all this jabber.
Quote: Whats with all the brief phone calls I wonder?
It is kind of interesting, especially since he was convinced that "giving each other space for the first few weeks" was important..so much for that...He's just checking up on you and if I were you I'd keep handling each conversation HE INITIATES as you have been...upbeat, busy, whatever he decides is just fine...
As far as your new male friend..
Quote: Not quite flirting but it is good for the ego. Its strangely comforting to feel this way. It doesn't feel wrong, just odd to have sort of an attraction....but is it wrong to feel that I would like to develop this friendship?
Nope, not in my book it isn't, maater of fact I encourage you to act on these kinds of feelings and attractions, for the very reason you alluded to, its good for your ego. The more you can do to make yourself feel whole again.., boost the PMA and confidence levels.., realize that there could be somebody else out there if your H doesn't "unstick" himself...the better off YOU become regardless of the outcome of your M..
Your MF knows the "basics" so...no harm no foul, enjoy yourself. I wouldn't think twice about it..
Hang in there you sound like you are riding some detaching momentum..
Just wanted to say HI!! It's been awhile. As far as the MF. I think it is good for the PMA/ego like Wiley said but just don't put yourself in a tempting situation or you may find yourself with more trouble you weren't bargaining for.
). I said fine...then I said I had to go...beat him to the punch. 
It doesn't feel wrong....just odd to have a sort of attraction. I've been so loyal for so long to H and M....that I haven't stepped back and allowed myself to feel this way. Don't worry, I'm not going to act on this and jepordize my efforts here....but is it wrong to feel that I would like to develop this friendship? 