M38,H39 M:16Y BD:8/12 OWDB:11/12 S:11/12-5/13 "Temp" home:6/13 OW dropped:9/13 "I love you":12/13 H ring on:2/14 Depression back:5/15 "I'm done:" 7/15 H moved out: 3/16 H moved back: 12/16 Working on us: 3/17
Oh Raine what an awful, awful thing to happen. I don't think he wanted to be caught. I think he was smirking because he thought he was very tricky and had fooled you by coming out with his sandwich. But his MLC-sddled brain wasn't quick enough to think of driving away and returning later.
It burns me up that he waved to S8 when they left. What did you decide to do?
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
Raine, I'm sorry this happened today. Now you truly need to decide what you want to do. You've told him that you want him out of the house, then he should go. If you go back on what you've said, he'll continue to think that you are just spouting off. You need to decide whether you want him to leave or not. But, whatever you decide, you will need to follow through on it or else, just like kids, he'll continue to do whatever he wants and just tune your rants out.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Raine, I'm sorry this happened today. Now you truly need to decide what you want to do. You've told him that you want him out of the house, then he should go. If you go back on what you've said, he'll continue to think that you are just spouting off. You need to decide whether you want him to leave or not. But, whatever you decide, you will need to follow through on it or else, just like kids, he'll continue to do whatever he wants and just tune your rants out.
I agree. Show strength and stick to your words. Tell him you're kicking him out for continuing to disrespect you and the M.
My guess is the A will play out quicker if he is no longer in your comfortable home.
Let the Reality Stick do it's job on H.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Bravo! I think you just set a very healthy boundary. If he still wants to see other women, he should man up and get a divorce, end of discussion. You gave him a nice opportunity to see what life might be if he came back - NOW he needs to see what life might be like without you.
If you back down, he'll think you don't mean it, and that he can continue with the cake-eating.
So pack up his things, have them waiting for him when he gets home, let him go stay at a friend's or the OW's or whatever. THAT'S not your problem.
And yes it [censored] that the kids will see him leave again, but know this - even if you reconciled today, the kids may always be waiting for the other shoe to drop. My kids were teens when my H and I went through his affair and reconciled. He never even left the house. But now, many years later, we are divorced and my kids are in their 20's - and it turns out that during those happy post-reconciliation years, THEY were always waiting for the other shoe to fall.
Here's the thing, you said "Get an f'ing divorce." to H... Meaning, HE should get a divorce. You said that he needs to leave. I agree with Snodderly, kml and others, he has to leave. You need to kick him out. But because YOU did not say that YOU were going to divorce, just that you were ready, NOT that you were going to file... you can take some time with that piece. After he is out.
You can take your time filing, if you choose. You have more pressing concerns than H and filing, imo, like S1, the baby, etc.
When W was flaunting her activities pre- and during anger stage, it wasn't as bad as you got...I never saw her and any OM together. So I havent had that experience. But if W were to do what H did, I would do as I advised you.
You know what's best for you. You have your family there for support, please involve them in helping you with the boys, the house and such. You don't need to fill them in with the gory details, you know that. You know they are there for you.
Hang in there your most awesomeness...
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
what an awful, awful thing to happen. I don't think he wanted to be caught. I think he was smirking because he thought he was very tricky and had fooled you by coming out with his sandwich. But his MLC-sddled brain wasn't quick enough to think of driving away and returning later. 
