Appreciate your quick replies and on-going support, it's really comforting.
I continue to try to be calm, taking each day at a time...actually the last 2 days I am feeling at peace, tho had a dream last night that we totally got back together just before he left....and decided to work on m. I woke up frustrated, cuz I am really trying hard to let go....LET IT BE, has been the tune I've been humming as of late. I hate when my dreams mess up my emotions. But H didn't know anything was different. H did call me from work yesterday....with small info....tasks, but he hasn't done that for a long, long time. Only when there is a real need or question, not just something small. It's weird, I don't want to give up hope at all....but I AM detaching more and more. It is a struggle within.
Sue what did you mean by not letting your anger out. That, I should or shouldn't? We have had our outbursts, especially the first 4-5 months and lost some ground. I've been careful to minimize all that the last 3 months...tho last week we did have tension, which I already went over in this post.
Wiley, I would love to get together for a mini-DB, especially in March....when I'll have more time. I may have your card....I'll look. Your wise support and specific guidance has really helped. Sue, could your meet too? I wouldn't want you to take time away from the hard work you are doing with H at this time on your M.....that is #1!!
Quote: H did call me from work yesterday...with small info..tasks, but he hasn't done that for a long, long time.
Could be that now that the PRESSURE has been lifted in his own mind because you're ACCEPTING what he feels he must do..he may be feeling more comfortable doing the little things like that. Could be that he's a little more at ease in general..which I would think is better for both of you than when he is tense..Either way, make sure you keep that calm, assuring, "Mooka is in control" demeanor as best you can up until he leaves..he'll be watching carefully to see how you act and react as things unfold...
Let your anger out when you work out, not on your H, so you don't.."lose more ground"..
HI..Mooka..what I meant about anger was if you want ot work on saving your m then if there is underlying anger then you have to work on getting rid of that...and to vent here is great..I work in the courts and see so much anger between couples..but then they are there for a d..and of course I still believe that you can't ever bad mouth your h to your kids...we are all here to save oour m, and frankly I have heard an awful lot of down right nasty stuff come out of these boards towards thier spouses..and that is sure not the right attitude to repair a r.
You sound like you are so strong and going about your life.
Thanks for replying Sue and others....I thought you meant working out the anger here at BB and through exercise, etc.
Tonight H asked what I was doing and said he WOULD be home for dinner (the past he is always out on Fri nights for drinks with co-workers..OW?) He said, with all his travels(he leave Sat afternoon) that he wanted to come home tonight at a decent time. I was cool ....But I know that this is one of two nights (next Tue being the last) before he moves out. He has payed first month's rent and moves in next week-end (I will be out of town with d).
This is getting hard in some ways, and I'm feeling a certain peace in other ways. I'm doing a lot of talking with God, some spiritual friends, working more, and continuing to build up my life....
We will talk more tonight about how to tell our college kids....YUK , I am fearing that more than living on my own. I do fine on my own much of the time. I have some great people to rely on. I am detaching more and more.....tho showing a PMA around H. I've even helped him get supplies for his new apt...how weird is that?
Oh well, many of you have been through this and keep giving me encouragement and support.
Mooka..I answered you on my thread, you sound good..I know it is hard..very hard..but keep your spirits up..and isn't it great talking to God? That alone is peace..
I helped h with stuff too..and now i will be helping him bring it back..talking to your kids will be tough..do they have any ideas that something is wrong, or will this be a total shock?.Show your strength to them..I sound like I have been so up all the time..I had many crying times..but never in front of them..I have gotten angry about things..but it is all in how you present it all in front of them...sure it will hurt, but if they know they are loved, they will be able to work through it too.
What you said mmade me feel soooo good inside , Thanks for your prayers and kind words regarding the kids. Yes, both know that our marriage is somewhat shaky, they were around las tsummer and we talked with them, they felt the tension and got parts of H's temper and saw some of my pain....so UNFORTUNATELY they know plenty. Thanksgiving and X-mas went realy well tho, we were a family and spent tons of time together without any tension, we all got along quite well. So, I think they have been hoping we would work it all out w/o them around...so this may part a partial shock. They're great kids, with faith and good heads about things. I just know they want their family back as a happy unit. I pray alot about them and their safe-keeping.
Hi all my regular supporters.....Wiley, Sue, KAW, Cindy, T2....anyone else willing to help/advise?!?!?
Just wanted to update my sitch. H and I have been talking a lot the last few days. We had a great talk re: kids, logistics of his move, briefly updated him on my spiritual journey, counceling, close friends.... I was very calm, listened well (no interruptions!!) validated his need to move out and figure himself out. He talked about his constant headaches lately, how hard it is to set up apt with phone, cable, payments, etc. I just listened and nodded. A few days ago he said "we probably should give each other space for the first several weeks and then get together and have a quality discussion." Then yesterday he said he'd call me when I returned home next week-end to update d response, then thought we should have lunch the following Sat to discuss son, then offered to go with me when I buy new car, then suggested we drive to our son's college together the following Sat to talk with him. So much for keeping our distance!?!? He obviously, either changes his mind alot, or forgets some of what he had said before. I just nod and say, "that sounds fine."
Added bonus for me....just thought some of you might be interested. I am taking an "Alpha" course (non-denominational beginner course from my church about the beginnings of Christianity) Anyway....have met some great people in my small group ( 2 D men, 1 single woman, and 4 couples in our group) We have all gained lots of trust and shared our present situation. Lots of support....really genuine support...and everyone has a "story." Anyway, yesterday we had a Sat. training session (5+ hrs) my group broke out in regular intervals....and the last time we did the group prayer thing. It was ELECTRIC....I mean really God was present for sure (and I'm not a Bible thumper....really!) The group took turns praying for each others' needs/sitch. It was powerful, for sure. And for the last 24 hours, my heart feels so light....like God has taken over, I'm gonna be ok....and it feels real. I'm not just trying to convince myself. It's a wonderful sense of peace and light. I feel really good....even tho my life is about to change dramatically. I can't really explain it any better than that.
Last night H called (he's on a bus. trip) and told me he thought we had a high quality discussion Sat morning and has had a lot of time to reflect on all I've said. He also asked about my Alpha training, as he knew I was excited to go. I told him it was great. No other details. I will see him Tues, then he leaves again Wed for another business trip, then I leave Thurs to see d, then he moves while I'm out of town.
Soooooo....just wanted all to know, I AM feeling quite strong at the moment.....that's great for me. Thanks for caring enough to read this all the way through!
I was pleased to read your latest post, you seem to be handling everything thats happening just as you should...
Quote: We should probably give each other space the first several weeks and then get together to have a quality discussion.
..Just keep answering "thats sounds fine" and AGREEING with the gameplan... Then of course several weeks will become much shorter, when he sees you're not contacting him, and he starts to wonder why..
Quote: I AM feeling quite strong at the moment,...and thats great for me..
Yes it is Mooka, you're 100% correct, just try and do things that keep you in that ZONE, and good things will happen..
Just keep letting him go..let him miss you to the point where he slowly starts to PURSUE the R again..
....But I know that this is one of two nights (next Tue being the last) before he moves out. He has payed first month's rent and moves in next week-end (I will be out of town with d). 
I'm doing a lot of talking with God, some spiritual friends, working more, and continuing to build up my life....
, I am fearing that more than living on my own. I do fine on my own much of the time. I have some great people to rely on. I am detaching more and more.....tho showing a PMA around H. I've even helped him get supplies for his new apt...how weird is that? 
