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And Brian, thank you for your response yesterday. I did respond back to you, but I don't see it posted yet (I was still on moderation) - it must not have been approved yet.

Hi chl, no sage advice from me...sorry. But I'm proud of how you handled seeing the OW, especially when your S was with you. It could have easily been a scene, & that wouldn't have helped a thing!!

I too always said I could "never forgive an affair". Guess what?! I did, and I'm working on facing what I think is another EA at the moment. Its easy to say when its abstract, & not reality.I don't like it, I don't condone it, its taken every ounce of my effort...but I found out it wasn't a deal breaker for me like I believed. If it became a serial thing, then yes, it would be...I just couldn't handle it.

I just wanted to drop by with a hug & support. This is so hard, and being on moderation makes it really tough. Glad that's in the past now.
I'm sure you'll get some great advice from a vet soon. In the meantime keep PMA, GAL, and keep up the great work on the weight loss , you are doing great! What about a mini makeover just for you? Maybe a new look? That could be fun.

My only suggestion? Don't be cold or distant...but maybe stop initiating intimacy? Give H some time & space, no pressure. Keep up small touches to maintain intimacy...but maybe letting him make the first move sexually would be good.

Hi chl, i understand your need to snoop around but please don't do it as it will only hurt you further even if you know the truth. I understand that you feel hurt that your H will do it to you. However you cannot control his actions but you can control yours.

Hi Demoted, thank you so much for your hug and support! I am just so glad I found this site, because the support I see on other threads and I've received so far is so comforting and motivating. I am sorry you are going through a similar difficult time - if only our spouses would realize everything we are trying to prove/do to save and work on our relationships!

I actually made a hair appt for this weekend and am going to make a couple of small changes (nothing drastic or anything), but I hope H notices.

I do like your advice on trying to maintain some touches, but not to try to initiate intimacy and let H take charge. I hope he will soon - I miss the closeness I am used to with that and also it obviously hurts my feelings and makes me even more suspicious when he tells me he just doesn't feel like it twice in a row. I kept trying because he's told me in the past he would like for me to initiate and take charge more in the bedroom, so I guess I was trying to do a 180 of sorts with that and it backfired. Guess it's bad timing on my part to wait until he's interested in someone else to try.

Anyway, best of luck to you and your sitch and have a good holiday!

So, all 3 of us went to his parent's house to eat and go swimming with family and we had a good time. We got home and put S down for a nap and I got into the shower. H actually joined me (which he usually only does if he wants to get intimate), and he was "ready" physically, so I was waiting for him to make a move since he's been turning me down lately. We get out of the shower and instead of doing anything or going into the bedroom, he started to get dressed. I then asked what he was doing and he said getting dressed. I couldn't help but ask why and point at him and he said he just doesn't feel like it. I said but you look like you want to and he said that doesn't matter he doesn't feel like it and he was clearly annoyed. I had to leave the room because I started to tear up - I just don't understand this. When I went back into the room to grab my phone, he said I was really annoying him with this and it's pushing him away. I said but you felt like it last week and he said "so?" I am at a loss right now. I feel so rejected and confused. Him turning me down the other nights in bed hurt my feelings but this is a whole new level of rejection. And especially after running into OW this morning, my anxiety is at a high. Ugh.

Hi DigDeeper, thanks for your response. I haven't snooped since the other day and haven't really been tempted to since then since it made me feel so down after I did. I'm confused by H's actions and still am having a hard time grasping all of this. Trying to take it day by day and do the best I can.

Also, I should be receiving DB in the mail today or tomorrow and I can't wait to start it!

Im so sorry your here. Hang tough, its a long and bumpy ride. Throwing some love your way, we're all gonna make it thru this. One way or the other.

Take care of yourself and control only what you can..............you.

Keep posting and treat it like a journal to get things off your mind.

Doing anything will make you feel better. So have as many things to do as you can.

Thanks for stopping by, Thumpered. I am also sorry to be in this situation (and for everyone here!), but am really glad I found a "safe" place to vent and receive support and motivation on this journey. Of course, everyone wants a miracle "quick fix," but reading through everyone's journeys I'm starting to understand why "it's a marathon, not a sprint." Trying to learn all I can the best way to deal with all of this. Very confusing and difficult time.

I am starting to feel like I am walking on eggshells most of the time now. Sometimes, H acts "normal" and like everything is fine, so I'll let my guard down some and feel more comfortable and then he'll change his mood and anything I do is annoying to him. It's very confusing and does not help my self confidence at all. I am trying to follow Sandi's 37 rules and do 180s of things that I know push his buttons or annoy him but it is hard to not react when feeling rejected or lashed out at.