The only way you can save your marriage is to tell her she can NOT have both of you in her life - that you will understand if she chooses not to let go of him but, if she does, you'll be filing for divorce.
She needs to understand this. No equivocation.
I agree. Supplication does NOT work, as it openly kills attraction. Right now, you need to BUILD ATTRACTION, as that sounds like what has been missing in your marriage, and doing the "whimpy" (your words, not mine) thing doesn't do that.
Your wife will begin to respect you again when you begin to respect yourself . . . no sooner.
I told her my biggest fear (other than loosing her) is that we would separate and this OM would then say "i cannot leave my wife", breaking my wifes heart. I told her that if that did happen I would and always be here for here. Hope this does give her the idea that if she tries and it does not work she will have someone to fall back on. Maybe I should not have said this but it's how I feel.
HINT: When you learn to begin to start coming up with a PLAN and operating on SOUND STRATEGY, and not on "how you FEEL," you will begin to make progress, Bermboy. Operating on your feelings will see you crash upon the rocks.
Right now, your wife is completely operating on feelings. ONE of you needs to come up with a plan to fight for your marriage. "I will always be there for you" is NOT the message you want to send. Instead, you want to send a message of "I love you, and do not want a divorce. I realize I made a lot of mistakes in our marriage, but make no mistake -- I will not share you with another man, and live in an open marriage. End your affair, and come back to the marriage and you will find me more than willing to address ALL of our issues . . . including mine. I hope you will do this soon, because the longer you continue in your infidelity, the more you are losing me."
Never treat someone as a priority, who treats YOU as an option. This principle works for both men and women, but women especially link their feelings of LOVE and ATTRACTION towards a man with their feelings of RESPECT for him. This "needy" thing you are portraying to her, I can assure you, is NOT attractive to her (if you doubt me, just ask the women on this forum).
I just heard that someone (not me) sent a letter to the OM wife telling her something was going on. Although I am being blamed for this letter by my wife I have no knowledge of it. Judging by the information I am getting from my wife there is now a fouth person in this picture that knows something and has exposed the affair to the OM wife.
