Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Is this cake eating 14

Ugh...NLW, I didn't go that far back

So sorry about the caveat....what a jerk

OK, I am a prize idiot.

XH hadn't contacted D17 or S14 since he had the explosive phone call with D17 on Fri night.

I assumed he was experiencing massive guilt (told my mum he was probably 'tormented'), given that D17 had been brutally honest with him about how bad her life had been since he'd refused to provide any money for her and her brother over the last 2 years.

What a fool I am.

He hadn't contacted them because he'd left for another luxury holiday, starting in Venice!

SOMEHOW he's activated an old joint bank account of ours and its details appeared on my internet bank statements.

They're staying in a luxury apartment that he's paying for, overlooking the canals.

I am truly sickened by this latest development.

How anyone can abandon their children, leaving them destitute, and continue to spend at these levels on themselves, just leaves me dumbstruck.

He's still $19,000 in arrears on S14's school fees and that's only the start!

How can anyone do this?

I risk losing everything by taking him to court (he's offered, most recently, to ask for no assets) , but I don't think I could live with myself if i just let him walk away and have to take on all his debt myself.

I think it's time for you to hammer down. I'd print out the activities go to your lawyer and. He is being an ass! Go get whats yours, your d has already spoken about how she feels.

I'm not the one who left and I have paid out over 60k, not counting CS (I'm not rich at all just in a lot of debt now). This of course does not include the money my wife hid before she left... If I can swallow that hit and not be pissy about it then he should be able to man up and pay his portion.

NLW, I think you would be best to get completely free of him, debt or no debt. He is dangerous. He has been showing you his true colors of a long time now, protect yourself. He's deceitful and manipulating, impulsive, irritable and/or aggressive, consistently irresponsible, and unconcerned and not remorseful for hurting or stealing.

Many people may be one or 2 of things situationally, he's the whole package, the real deal.

Stop trying to figure him out and get away from him.

Yep, labug - I think you're right.

I am still conflicted, thinking about the sweet guy i thought i knew. It's unfathomable that he would behave this way.

But that man is gone.

And there is no possibility of a family relationship with the person he's become.
He is lost/ill.

I have taken to thought-blocking when it comes to him, just to get through the day lately. I find his behaviour so off-putting.

And as everyone (including S14) keeps saying to me: It's been 2 years now; when are you going to realise it's over.

I kept waiting for it to feel real, but it never does.

Now I'm just trying to train myself to stop any thoughts of him.
I need to make him gone from my life.

Yes, and some people can be so slick at this as to make you love them while there pushing the knife in further.

You did know a sweet guy and you loved him. He is no longer that person so you can make a case to yourself that you have no need to feel conflicted.

Personally, I'd get a restraining order to keep him from contacting. When people cross boundaries so blatantly sometimes outside control has to step in to stop that.

Can you get some kind of counseling? Some one to guide you through dealinng with his, let's call them antics, would be such a help.

there translation they're

OMG NLW

These men are incorrigible. I can't even think of a word bad enough to call them.

I am so sorry you are going through this.

WH

[jaw hits the floor]



Get your name off that account ASAP!!! And any other joint bank or CC accounts!



He's way beyond thinking things through. He's just living in the moment, consequences be damned. It's just more debt, as long as they keep printing credit cards who cares? You have GOT to remove yourself from the equation to protect yourself!



He's completely and utterly lost. It'll likely be many years before he comes out of the tunnel and sees the damage he's left in his wake.

WH, AS,
Thanks so much for dropping by to give me your take on this.

Not everyone is as floored by his recent behaviour as I am - and you guys obviously are, too.
One friend said to me "Well, he's just landed on his feet hasn't he." as if it were no big deal and just a bit of a giggle.

AS, I'm covered re this (debit) account - the details just keep popping up on my record.

Today I noted that he'd made another purchase - this time from... wait for it... a place that translates as 'Little Intimacies, Venice'.

I googled, and it's a luxury lingerie shop. He spent $200 there.

You couldn't write this stuff as a work of fiction and get away with so many cliches.

Meanwhile the kids have tried to phone him, but he won't answer his phone - it is variously switched off or rings out.