Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives Surviving the Big D Archives Pull Your Seat Up To The Bar - Part 4

Funny is good!

Lynn,

Sounds great! We're just gonna hit some balls, right? Because I'm ashamed to say there are cobwebs on my bag and I'm not near ready enough to tee off. Let me know.

I don't know what to say about Dave. Sigh. I'm beginning to realize that I know less about dating now than when I was truly on the dating circuit years ago. I'm thinking I should play for the other team. If SD lived here, I'd have to consider that. She's a sweetie.

Ultimately, I think my own Mr. Right is going to have embarked on the path of enlightenment like we've done here. It's certainly helpful.

Wii, Barb and Kat, sounds like we're all having a different summer with our kids, complete with very grown up lessons. I had my own come to Jesus talk with D19 last Monday, and although it went as well as it could, things are still just off. She leaves back to NY 2 weeks from today. I'm a little sad about it, but not really. I think I'd like to go back to missing her for awhile.

In my house, our lesson seems to also have the theme of perfectionism. Wii, it's also something I live with. First my sister, and D19. In this case D19 has had an amazing diet and exercise regime to get into prime shape for volleyball season. I don't know where she lost 13 lbs, but she's ripped and looks awesome. She's been eating a low carb, high lean protein diet and all organic to boot. I'm proud of her for her willpower and determination.

But I draw the line when it comes with finger pointing and judgement about me, D16 and her dad. Last Monday, I had to put a stop to it. I told her while she is probably right that we could do better, when is the judgement going to stop applying to food and not seep into other judgements? She asked for an example and I gave it to her. She didn't like it and told me that I gave her something to think about and she was sorry for constantly giving me advice when I hadn't asked for it.

I'm summarizing. It was far more passionate and pointed than I'm sharing here. Ultimately I let her know that people who like to criticize others without knowing if they have facts are typically unhappy with themselves... And that their self talk is unusually hostile. I reminded her that none of us is perfect, but we can love each other anyway. I also told her that her dad and I love her beyond words, and that we'd be there for her. That we don't expect perfection from her. I got a humble reaction.

I didn't raise her to tell others "what they need to hear" when it wasn't asked for.

I ended my chat with her by telling her that I want my tombstone to say, "she was a good friend and mother." Not "she had a good diet and was right most of the time." That seemed to resonate with her.

Anyway, my thoughts are with all of you. I think parenting is tougher now. You walk a tightrope between being supportive and offering unsolicited advice. I've been trying all year to ask more questions from her than making statements. I sure hope this pays off some day. Some days are tougher than others.

All I do know is in 2 weeks, D16 and I won't have to feel like felons when going out for froyo. With extra toppings...

So that's what is going on in my house lately.

Betsey

Is it hot in here all of a sudden or is it just me?

I think you're doing a fine job on the Mom front. I have to tell you that as soon as you mentioned D19's cauliflower pizza crust, I googled it. She can be my personal chef any day. How did that crust taste?

You are a sweetheart, Bets. Thanks for planting this big smile on my face. <3

EXCEPT the one in Ohio!

Ahem, my blood runs Scarlet and Gray!

I just heard there was a tornado warning for Ann Arbor.

All residents were advised to go to Michigan Stadium...

NO chance of a touchdown there!

O-H-I-O

SD,

I'm glad it made you smile. Too bad life (and the wiring of the brain) isn't that simple? LOL. Because truth be told, I'd prefer living with another woman. It's just that sex thing.

Thanks for the encouragement. I bet D19 would get a kick out of your wishing she were your personal chef. Yes, the pizza was good! I think it's a lot of effort to grate the cauliflower, and the pizzas are small, but she did a good job. She has a couple "blends". Our fave is the sun dried tomato and fresh basil. I think I'll ask her for the recipe before she leaves.

Last night, I caught her digging in the "Oxidizing" trail mix I bought for D16's camp snack (that was the name of it). She asked me if she could pick out all the dark carob pieces and make herself a cauliflower brownie? Ha ha. She told me that D16 didn't need them, and she wanted to make herself something sweet. I think I just looked at her funny instead. But I might have to ask her for that recipe too. (Google that?)

I will say this about her and her chef abilities - she's more than willing to cook for all of us. Plus she's been using her own money to buy her own food. I feel bad about that, but she doesn't. I think it makes her feel like she's got a leg up on supporting herself.

Anyhoo, if she leaves me with any good recipes I think that you'll like, I'll e-mail them to you? Let me know.

Have a really happy day, SD.

Bets

LA-

Okay, that was *really* funny!

Betsey

Oh so we're going to do the joke thing, well then..

What is the only sign of intelligent life in Columbus - "Ann Arbor 187 miles"

BA

Hey, I resemble that remark!

Betsey,
Yep, let's just hit some balls. How far is this course from you? They also have a restaurant where we can end our triumphant outing with a 'libation.' What about 3:00 on Saturday?

City Park Golf Course
2500 York Street
Denver, CO 80205-5707
(720) 865-3410

Update on Me:

I went out on a couple of dates with "Man J" in May and when I got back from India in late June. We certainly started off fairly rocky and he fully admitted to struggling with the dating process. He wanted to go away for 2 1/2 days over Fourth of July and I balked at that. Way too much too soon, however I did say we would spend Fourth of July together. However, I didn't get back to him with exact plans quickly enough and he ended up texting me and saying we probably weren't a good fit. I let him go. Well, he called late last week and apologized with a really good explanation. Man J took full responsibility for jumping the gun and asked if we could try again. We went to an outdoor concert and drank some wine last night. It was fun and we had some deep conversations. We're hiking tomorrow. Again, no expectations, but I'm thinking I might be on the right path. And, I have a date with "Man L" on Sunday night.