Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Piecing Our Marriage Back Together Again Has Christine graduated to piecing?

Hey Christine-
Just catching up on your thread, hope you had a good weekend here in Phoenix. The weather was great, huh!?!

I noticed in reading a few of your posts that you seem to be pretty nervous/on edge lately with H. Don't forget the Christine that broke through all that crazy alien negativity. You are just shifting gears now that the H is back, but don't lose your self-confidence and positive energy!!

Seattle's previous post made me laugh- I remember when I suggested I statements to you previously and you said your H told you sounded like a parrot! Haha!!

I'm going to try repeating what WAW says to me tonight and then monitor for reactions. I'll let you know if she calls me a parrot, lol.

How are you doing Christine?

Hi Christine!
Hope you're doing well. I'll chime in with the others and applaud you for that amazing PMA! My H tends to be critical as well, and esp with the depression- only seems to make that tendency worse. What is it about chinese?- mine has a fit if he doesn't get the right thing either, lol.... I know how it feels, esp when you are doing something nice, so ......you did great! It's so awesome to feel the "new you" handling an old situation so much better. Those are the times that make me feel the best. Keep on shining like the beautiful person you are!

Thanks for stopping by Rj2, Seattle and Carrie!

I don't post as much as I used to because I actually have to work now. Since the bomb, my life has been full of strange coincidences. My job is a good example. Right before the Nov. 2 bomb, I was notified that my entire division was being disbanded (about 100 of us nationwide) and, after the first of the year, everyone would be redeployed to another position. After that announcement, everybody started to look after their own interests in finding a new position in the company and worked their lame-duck jobs very minimally. Since I have an office in my home and my boss lived in California, I really didn't do much work after the bomb. It's a good thing too, because I probably would have gotten fired! I couldn't concentrate on anything outside of my sitch. Now my boss lives in the same city and I have a lot of work that has been thrown at me. It's still better than before because I don't have to get on an airplane everyday (another coincidence).

My trip to Phoenix with H was fun. I decided to put us in a hotel rather than staying with my parents and that turned out to be a good call. We had a couple of romantic interludes in spite of my H's continued depression.

I took a chance and reminded H that he had promised (prebomb) to help me get the stuff out of my storage in Texas. During the alien invasion I was reluctant to bring this up because I didn't want him to say no and remind me of his plan for D. Now that the aliens are gone, I had the courage and H suggested that we make a fun weekend of it. This is a very good move in the right direction!

I still continue to be extremely anxious. I am so afraid that he will come to me and tell me that he still wants to leave. After all he hastn' really said that he has changed his mind, but I guess that's just a technicality. His actions seem to show that he's not going anywhere. In fact, it is now March and, back in Jan, he said that he was going to stop depositing his paycheck into our account and move in Feb. This has not happened. Yeah!

I am proceeding through my "Piecing" with that attitude that, from now on, my H is going to be having an A with ME! Our R will be romantic, fun and not boring. I have confidence that I can give my H everything and more than what he could find elsewhere. I was listening to my "Light His Fire" Cds that I ordered and the author suggests going away for a weekend alone at least every three months and a one-week vacation alone once a year. I like this idea. If my H is going to be sneaking around with amyone, it will be with me!

For me, I have found myself in situations with H where I am tempted to fall back into the same old dysfunctional behaviors, but every time, I catch myself and continue with my "as if" attitude. I remind myself that I don't NEED reassurance from him and I don't NEED for him to make me feel better about things. I am a whole person with or without him. I choose to be with him and, now that I have taken that pressure off of him, he is showing me so much love in return.

DBing has not only saved my marriage...it has changed my life and made me a better person. I am so grateful!

Meanwhile, the piecing is slow. I still feel very ambiguous about talking about the A. He doesn't know that I know and I still don't want to rock the boat. I'm getting braver about bringing things up so maybe soon this will come out too. I'm in no hurry though. I'll just see what circumstances and opportunities present themselves to me.

Christine

Good for you....
Obviously I'm no expert but I thought I read somewhere that the alien may never say thank you or acknowledge how they acted and ask for forgiveness. So don't really expect it, just accept it like you've done and go with it.

You have the same ambition I do if presented and that should be the right tool to the M. You did a great job! Keep up the PMA and try to let go of those things. It is part of healing. If you let go of them, maybe you'll feel more at ease and be able to accept that it happened for a reason and that reason is why you are enjoying your life w/H now!!! Tootles............

Karen, it's always good to hear from you...thanks for your support!

Well, I took another chance this evening and asked H if he wanted to get away for a weekend soon. He said "yes". This is such a major step! I know that we are piecing things back together again, but this is a tangible sign of reconciliation. He didn't even hesitate. It was just like it used to be. I often wonder if he even realizes what he has put me through. Thank goodness for this MB so that I can say these things here and not to him.

For this weekend, I will be having an A with my H. I will be the OW in his life. This is really exhausting, though. I hope I can keep this up for another 30 years!

Christine

I think that the patience that we all have during our crisis mode must be transferred to our piecing mode.

I have been so anxious about everything since our "miracle". I had been wondering if I should talk about the future or anything else that I was so frightenend to discuss during the alien invasion. Well, I now realize that patience is the key here too. Yesterday, my H started talking about refinancing the house. This is another huge confirmation of his commitment to our life together.

I am learning through this that I don't have to have heavy R discussions in order to gain reassurances from him. I just need to give it time now and things will fall into place. I need to trust in the DB skills that I have used to BUST a potential D and keep applying them to my life!

I like the new person that I am becoming. Dbing has given me self-esteem, dignity and knowledge of my strength to face whatever is thrown my way. I feel so alive an so grateful for the wisdom that appeared to me!

Christine

You really have a great attitude and life now! I have really noticed a HUGE increase in confidence and self-esteem from your thread since the beginning, but I think a lot of us do, isn't that the key to good DRing? Knowing that we are the key to our own happiness and less dependent and reactionary to our WAS?

I would say the confirmation is in the house refinancing and all of those other things they refer to in future talk. I can't understand why they won't just want to clean up to move on instead of leaving these half answered questions everywhere but when you get to that point, I'm sure you will know when the WAS will want to talk about it. Great job Christine, you are doing great!

Sounds like you're really doing good here!
Way to go Christine!! Our attitude does mean everything in our sitches....
I'm decided I'm going for the thong/ brush in my sitch too and so far have had good response!! Seriously, wow! Ok- us women may have found our own version of DB!!

Refinancing the house is huge step! Wow- keep up being the amazing person, and I think you'll do great!

As my "old" DB friends may remember, in January I bought some new lingerie including several VERY nice thong underpanties. One Saturday, after my shower and while putting on my makeup and doing my hair, I walked around the house wearing nothing but a thong and new bra. This is a 180 for me, I'm usually very conservative in my attire. My H was still possessed by the aliens at the time and he didn't even give me a second glance. I went about my business, walked around the house and he didn't even say a word. It was very shortly thereafter that we had our "miracle" reconciliation. Hmmm.

Last evening, I stopped at the store before going home and, when I arrived, H was already home. I told H that I was going to make dinner for us (this was a 180 but now it is more usual), but I had to go change my clothes first. I changed into some slinky pants and a sheer push-up camisole top. I proceded to make dinner and go about the rest of my evening with my lingerie. My H noticed this time and gave me 2nd, 3rd and 4th glances! He even said that I looked good in the colors (I wanted to ask, "just the colors, dear?)-lol!

For those of you women afraid to wear a thong around the house, I would strongly encourge you to try it. It is really fun and, trust me, you don't need a Victoria's Secret body.

Christine