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how is your weekend going? did you head back to Mexico?

BF, thank you for posting on my thread. Being nervous when you talk to him is normal. Be patient with yourself, not just with the sitch. You can also picture your H as a little child--that usually helps. Or picture him naked :-) This works for public speakers, so it might work in this case too!

Hi Linda. No, I didn’t go to Mexico. My GF is still here and we’ve been busy doing all kinds of fun stuff. We went to the new restaurant opening free lunch with my other GF here and her friend. Four of us enjoyed the lunch and drinks on the patio, then we went to another bar at the beach. Next day we were invited to the BBQ by the same friend who went to lunch with us. She has a pool with the beautiful lights. It was great! On Friday we went to the local winery with attached farmers market. We had some wine and great food. Yesterday we were invited to my sisters for a special meal. We also did yoga, meditation, went for walks with my dog. Also, took a poll dancing class (actually more fitness than dancing), which was fun and hard at the same time.

Tonight three of us (myself, my GF and my sister) are going to a concert.

My H contacted me again a couple of times. Yesterday he wanted to know if the CD I sent him still has unexpired virus protection. I texted him that I just got a new version of virus protection for 3 PCs, so I could give him the key, if he wanted to download it. He said “Yes, please”. I sent him instructions on how to do it.

Tori, thank you for the advice. I will try to picture him naked next time, and see how it goes. It should be fun. I’m feeling more and more confident about talking to him. My GF gave some positive feedback on my changes and pointed out some other things that I still need to work on. I’m grateful for that, and I will be making more changes. I’ve been following your posts, and I have a feeling that it is not too long before “Joe” really starts to regret what he’s done with his life. You are a prize and I think he is starting to realize that. This is what I try to think about myself too, that I’m the prize and the best person for my H to have his desired “harmonious” relationship with, LOL.

oh Bright, I'm so glad you are having fun! You sound great! And pole dancing -- you sexy momma wooo hooo! You are such a good friend -- thank you for your constant reassurances that my H will probably not be as happy in Russia as he expects. I think you're the one here who understands best what it's like over there.

How did you feel with these latest contacts from your H? Did Tori's suggestions help? Although I'm not sure picturing our Hs naked will help us feel less anxious, I would love to see my H naked once again LOL!

Hey Bright!

Wow, new restaurants and pole dancing, you go girl!

Bright, you and I have switched places in our sitches. My xSO has fallen off the earth and your is popping up and making you nervous. No worries, that is completely normal.

For me, it was like the twilight zone - here I am talking about nothing to a man that I loved and we were both pretending that out relationship never existed. I never forget my horror when he went to call me my nickname and then stopped in full stream and then used my real name. Like I never noticed! It was the "fake" conversation which made me nervous. Is that how you feel, too?

Bright, take it from me. It IS positive that your H contacts you, even if he just business-like. There has been a lot of water under the bridge and maybe he's just proceeding with caution.

Lots of love, friend!

Linda, Portia, thanks for posting. I took my GF to the airport tonight. Then went to another poll fitness class. Oh boy, I think I’m a bit old for this. I think I’m going to hurt all over my body this week.

Linda, I’m glad I can be of some help to you. Yes, I know some specifics about Russia and Russian women. Not all of them a bad and looking for an easy way or a green card. I have two Russian GFs who are wonderful people. But, I’ve also heard of Russian women who don’t hesitate to break the families in order to get what they want. This RT is one of them, and it looks like she is an evil one. I don’t approve and don’t respect this kind of people, no matter what nationality they are. And I’m sure she will get what she deserves – I believe in Karma.

Portia, this is exactly how I feel. All these years together… And now he treats me like a complete stranger. I guess it is part of this journey. You might be right that it is positive development in my sitch that he contacts me. I doesn’t feel like it though, it feels frustrating.

H sent me another long text today while I was out with my GF before taking her to the airport. I noticed the text a couple hours later and replied when I got home. He replied right back. I guess he was waiting for the answer. He asked for my help again – setting up his e-mail. We have a company web service with e-mail accounts. I have the company e-mail address in my Resume and in all professional links. I’m not ready to give it up yet. I am an administrator for these accounts. He is asking for the passwords for his e-mail accounts. His words “I hate to ask but can you retrieve them for me.” I will need to figure out tomorrow how to do it. What I don’t get is why he wants these accounts when he tries to separate his life from me. IDK, but his contacts are spaced out, asking one thing at a time. He is very polite again and thanking me for help.

While my GF was here with me, I was busy, so naturally I didn’t give a priority to H’s contacts and requests. I need to maintain this from now on.

Hey Bright,

Thank you for your encouraging words on my thread.

If this had not happened to me, I am not sure I would believe it.

I think the fact that your H is in much more frequent is a very positive thing. While he may not be thinking of reconciling right now, he is obviously being very careful in his communications with you. At least it shows some effort on his part. By the time my xSO was done, I don't think he cared what he said to me.

If these relationships are meant to start again and become better, they have to start from somewhere.

OK, here is an update. I sent H the instructions about the e-mail accounts after calling the company. He replied right away with thanks. I sent another text informing him about the mail that I sent to him 3 weeks ago, which came back the other day with the sticker that it is “undeliverable/ not able to forward”. I compared the address on the envelope with the address that H gave me, and it was correct. I sent this text and there was no reply. I even posted on Wonka’s thread that it was weird behavior on H’s part, since he asked me to forward his mail to him. Later at night I noticed that I sent this text to the wrong person, actually my BIL, H’s brother. Oops. I apologized to my BIL. I re-sent the text today and got an immediate reply from H, giving me another address with explanation that this address is for the company that H is doing some work right now.

Wonka suggested to me in her tread to start sending some jokes to H once in a while. I don’t know if I’m comfortable with this yet. Would it look like pursuing? Maybe I should schedule another session with DB coach, idk. I feel like I want the events to develop in a natural way, and not force anything. I want my H to give me some indication first, if he is ready for any kind of R besides business. So far I can’t say that there is anything like that, except for the jokes that he forwarded to me in the past. And I didn’t reply to the most recent once, since I was listed as CC.

Portia, you are right, my H has been very careful in what he writes to me and thanks me a lot. The time will show if anything develops out of it. I’m OK with it. I think that if H would start any moves towards a R now, I would not be ready. Or, maybe I’m moving to the state of being done? IDK.

Bright,

In my sitch, I tested the waters before sending out stuff to DXW. I was very mindful of the fact that DXW is very sensitive and that the OW may be still around in the picture.

When you test the waters, you will be able to gauge H's reactions. If you don't, then you will be waiting a loooong time for H to initiate contacts with you if he is anything like a WAS...particularly if there is long-distance DBing. You can get something small like a postcard or something that you know will make H smile. Nothing personal. The things I've sent to DXW were neutral...no hint of anything pertaining to me....and FUN too! That will break the ice for sure.

What are you afraid of? A small piece of paper isn't gonna break the camel's back. Right!??

Wonka, you are probably right. Yes, I’m afraid of something, I’m trying to figure it out. I guess I don’t want him to think that I’m moving towards him and hoping for reconciliation. Last time when I informed him that I was coming to our vacation home for a few days while he was staying there, he freaked out and moved out of the condo, so I could stay there by myself. I didn’t give him any indication that I wanted to talk or anything R related, but he made his conclusion. I know that for sure, because our mutual friend told me that my H thought that I was coming to make some amends. This was after we spoke on the phone and met briefly a few weeks prior. It did look like we started to communicate more at that time, so he thought I was inspired by that, and it scarred him. I just don’t want to repeat this again. This was back in March. I know that things could have changed recently and he might be more open to communication now, but I’m still hesitating.

On the other hand, I feel more relaxed when communicating with him. Sometimes I even don’t rehearse my replies and don’t give it too much thought. It’s like I don’t care what he thinks anymore. But then in the very next moment I get scarred and think that I need to be more careful if I want to have any hope for R with him. I think I will take your advice and send him something sometime soon. We both love dogs and I have a few funny videos with the dogs.

He sent me another text today informing me about passing of a woman who I met once long time ago. She was his high school classmate’s mother. Their families were very close 30 years ago. I read and re-read the message thinking that he might have sent to me by mistake (just like I did yesterday to his BIL, hehe), but it seems that it was meant for me. I replied expressing my feelings and asking him to send my condolences to the family. He didn’t reply back. If we would still be M and in good relationship, I would expect this kind of information from him. But, in our current situation it looks a little strange. Does it mean he is trying to reach out to me?