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I totally agree with you.... for me unless it's abuse or cheating everything else is fixable (to those who want to fix things of course) and vows should be honored and they should want to fix things. I wish my H believed as we do. Unfortunately people want what they want, and what they want is to be "happy"...not righteous, honorable, or a person of their word. smh.

Wow, so so true!

He actually says he doesn't know why he can't find it in him to make it work/want it to, is confused himself, stressed, etc. Yet, he has yet to take one iota of responsibility for our marriage getting to this state except for to say he's selfish and we had kids too soon and weren't ready. Other than that, it's all me. Every behavior of his was caused by me vs the other way around. So exasperating and frustrating!

Also, we found out today that D tested positive (through blood work) for celiac disease. She's now going to have to have a biopsy of her small intestine, which is a little stressful given her young age (2) and will certainly take some major adjusting in terms of diet/lifestyle for all of us. I hope I can trust him to stick with it when he has her.

You need to take this opportunity and work on yourself. We can't change them but we can change ourselves. Til this day I have no idea why my husband walked out on me and I don't think he really knows. My husband grew up with a mother that did not stay and try to work things out with anyone or anything. See if she didn't like her dog anymore, she would have it put to sleep and if she didn't like her husband, she walked out. So my husband grew seeing that and the thought that was the thing to do but he is learning that you can't do that especially when you have a family involved. I hope he keeps thinking that way. What kind of child hood did your husband have? Not that is an excuse for his behavior but it might give you some insight.

My husbands childhood is complex...bio dad walked out when he was 5. Mom remarried when he was 8 to a usually great guy, but one who when H was 16 left his mom for 1.5 years and was with another woman. He reconciled with his wife and they're strong as ever. DH's mom emotionally spoiled him. Big time. Nothing was ever his fault, she babied him, never forced him to be accountable, etc.

Sorry you find yourself here. Luckily, there are a bunch of people who have similar stories that will provide advice, their perspective, their story, etc., so take advantage of that. And post often!

Start with reading DR/DB and after that, I'd suggest The Five Love Languages and Love Must be Tough. The one book I really thought of while reading your sitch was How to Improve your Marriage without Talking about It. That one really sheds some light on things I think are playing a role in your marriage.

What haven't you liked about your role in the marriage? What are some things you want to work on? How do you become the woman only a fool would leave?

What haven't you liked about your role in the marriage? What are some things you want to work on? How do you become the woman only a fool would leave?

I feel like I need to change my desire to parent H. I need to nag less and let him do what he's going to do; knowing when it's best to bite my to hue. I also need to engage in his activities/interests more, and be more complimentary. In addition, when fights do arise I know name calling and threats are not ok.

I was once a walk out spouse and my first husband asked me why and I said I don't know why. I did ask for time to myself to figure out why but he never gave me that opportunity. He pushed me until it was no turning back. See before I left him, I tried to talk to him to let him know that I was unhappy in our marriage. He told he would try but he never did. But now I know why I did....I was so exhausted from trying and pleading with him, that I had absolutely nothing left to give this marriage. I was emotionally and physically drained. I believe in my heart, if he would have given me my space, we would be married today. So what I am saying here, if you truly want your husband back, give him his space.

I am so sorry about your daughter. She is in my thoughts and prayers.

Thanks Hopeful, that makes a lot of sense. He refers to the space thing often. And while I don't think it's right (you can't just leave your wife and kid and act like a teenager!) I also get it. And so if space is what he needs, it's what he'll get. Although it scares me that it will just be a relief to him and a way for him to move on and be glad he doesn't have me bothering him anymore. Would your husband giving you space but occasionally saying he loved you have done any good?

The other think that strikes me in all of this is just how selfish he is in general now. Example: his grandpa died last week. Rather than go to the funeral with the rest of his family on Saturday he hung out with friends.

Also, hopeful, what if I've already reached that point? He's been gone six weeks and I would go a few days without talking to him and then be back at it. He even said all of what I sent him pushed him so far from wanting to make it work it wasn't even funny. Is it too late now?

At the same time, I need to deal with this anger over him getting to act like he was blameless in the marriage and now getting to take no responsibility and act like a teenager. Sometimes I wonder what I'm fighting for, but I know it's for my daughter and because I truly love him.

Hi forlovessake, I'm also close to your age and your sitch sounds similar to mine in some aspects, as far as the way your H acts normally and y'all getting together young, etc (we are HS sweethearts). This is a really helpful place to be. Much of the advice is the exact opposite of what you want or think you should do, but if that other stuff worked, then we wouldn't all be here, would we?

Definitely read Sandi's 37 rules often and try to follow them! Also, get DB if you haven't yet. I also read the 5 Love Languages book which was helpful in identifying how my H receives love well. Maybe one of your 180s could be no nagging - that is one of mine; I realized I did not want to be a "nag" so I have stopped doing that.

I also think another issue of mine has been my H thinking I've chosen our S over him. By saying that I mean that I act happier when I'm with my S (how can I not laugh and be happy with a sweet toddler?!) and spend almost all of my free time with S. The truth is, I would absolutely LOVE for my H to spend more time with our S and maybe even let me escape for a bit to go get a pedicure or something once in awhile while he watches S. H works a lot and then is gone at least 80% of each weekend with his friends, so I really don't have any other choice than to spend that time alone with S (which I do enjoy, but would rather do more family things together including go on more dates with H). I know you have a young D and you said your H spends a lot of time away from y'all as well, so that resonated with me.

Good luck with your sitch and take care of that sweet D and yourself!