Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis I just can't get you off of my mind

FY, I think you are so insightful regarding your w. I also think she is suffering from depression as well as MLC.

I know it is incredibly hard for you to see what she is going through and to be around someone you love so deeply and not feel her love.

You are such a caring, loving man and I pray that she realizes that she can find happiness and independence with you.

I have gotten together with several people who have helped me on my journey as have others on here. There are a few that will be in my life forever.

Some of us are on fb with our names from here and the initials of this site as our last name. Just connected with Raine and T2.

Hi Fy

Sounds like you are doing very good with your dbing. Me not so much. It doesn't seem like your w is a mean mlcer. I hope she realizes how much you love her because you seem incredibly compassionate.

I hope all of our spouses someday see how much we all love them that we stood for them while they went through this.

We can only hope right?

Thanks for visiting my thread. I can use all of the help I can get. My h is in an incredibly mean stage right now and I'm not all all convinced that he has given up OW. I think he tried to but I know he has had at least one relapse with her and I wouldn't doubt if he is fully back to her now that we haven't been getting along. She is a real B too. Doesn't care what this is doing to his family, especially his kids.

Your wife doesn't have OM does she?

Yes uR, W has been depressed. But it seems to me she has been coming out of it more and more. Or at least it has been lessening it's grip on her.

I may look into the fb thing at some point. I've never been a member. W only signed up about 6 months ago. At least I don't have to worry about her unfriending me!

Comp: Yes, my W has not been a mean MLC'er. I does make it a little less difficult, I think.

And no, W doesn't appear to have an OM. She often tells me about her times out with co-workers and friends. A couple nights ago at a going away party for an employee who was leaving the company, W's manager told her she looked good, and asked what her secret was. W was clearly tickled, and blushing, even while telling me the story. It seemed she could hardly believe anyone else would find her attractive.

There's no way I'd get stories like this, along with facial expressions and body language that are oh so easy for me to read after 34 years together, if she had an OM.

My goal is to stay as emotionally connected to my W as she will allow, so she doesn't feel the need to have that need met by an OM. Or like Linda said, "You keep warding off those OM, FY!"

FY, just wanted you to know I'm still reading everything on your thread. And I appreciate how much encouragement you have offered to me on my thread throughout this past year.

I was thinking if I had only acted like you, perhaps my H wouldn't have moved out. Who is to know?

I agree with you that W wouldn't share so much with you if she had a OM in her life. I'm so glad you are standing, and standing, and standing.


rH

Wow RH, I'm truly flattered!

Don't second guess yourself now. You are where you are, (in a darn good place compared to most of us!) continue to make the best of it, and don't look back.

I hope you don't have to add too many more "standings" to your comment above!

BTW, what year is your Mustang? My first car was a 67 Fastback, dark green just like Steve Mcqueen drove in the movie Bullet. Yes, I picked up W in it back when we first started dating!

Ok, so you'll love this:

My W dressed up and went out for drinks with GF tonight. (Looked hot, but not trampy) I told 'em to have fun as they left!

When she got home, she tells me that some guy asked them to dance and they refused. He protested "Is it because I'm a brother?" Ahh, no... we were paying our check and getting ready to leave. Maybe if he had asked us an hour ago...

There's no way W could make this stuff up to cover an A... I'd know. This kind of openness happens over and over.

I'm sure W was flattered, and you know what? If it helps her figure herself out I'm fine with it!

Wow! What an interesting and informative story W told you! I see what you mean about her telling you the details and it helps you to know what she is really doing. You don't have to peek at her on FB!

It seems your W has the desire for validation she is attractive. From people other than you. She obviously tells you lots of things, but chooses to include the details of other men finding her appealing. I wonder how much of that she needs before she is satisfied.

My H had similar I think. I remember before he moved out he described a scene in a mixed group where a woman looked him over from head to toe and I can't remember if she said something like "nice!" or other but it made a big impression on him. And he loved when they gushed on FB about his abs, biceps, etc. All for my dad and sisters to see, of course !! Ugh.

About the Mustang. How neat that your first car was a fastback Mustang and you took W for a date in it! I looked up the pic on the Internet of the car used in the movie and I loved it!

H's second car was a fox body mustang and I think that he wanted this particular one we have now that he bought as he started replay in July 2011, to go back to those late teen years.

It's a '90 and he bought it from a guy at work whose father owned it and had died. It's been garaged all these years and had only 95K miles and was only $5K in great condition.

It's red with a white convertible top and H immediately tinted the windows as dark a color as was legal. He has interior red lights to switch on at night and a huge stereo. So it's quite a conversation stopper as well as catches the eye of any policeman. He says it's faster than his Mercedes sport convertible and it's very fun to drive.

He does seem to be over the stage of replay now and just enjoys the cars as a hobby. Although he still likes to wear his baseball cap backwards and listen to rap while driving the cars and look like a "bad boy".

FY, "A Brother"? What did he mean?

Anyway, your W is looking for validation bc she's having trouble loving herself. She'll grow at her own pace. It's great you can accept the situation for what is.

Would she ever go out to drinks with you? I wonder...

Oh that's good, Forever. Both the invitation to dance, good for her self esteem, and good that she told you all about it. 

My H used to tell me all about his Russian pen pals, and even read me parts of their emails. Until RT But it's so nice that she's sharing with you. Still warding off those OM, my friend. 

Tori a "brother" is a black man. 

Today W and I went bicycle riding with my sister, BIL and nephew. W wore hot little short shorts and looked great! It helps that her bike mechanic (me) makes sure that her saddle is adjusted properly. Oh my!

Anyways, we all had a good time. At the end W mentioned how she got a thumbs up from some "old guy". Then made a comment about how she only can hit it off with the "older crowd", which is silly, because she looks much younger than her age. I see 'em lookin'.

I mentioned that the guy on the motorcycle beeped at her too, (no way in he!! he was beepin' at me!) and told her that it didn't surprise me at all.

We then went to run a few errands, and had a nice lunch together.

W's also concerned about her weight again, as she claims to have gained a few pounds. Looks great to me, of course, and I looked her in the eye and told her so.



You aren't the only one wondering that!

Google "Bullitt chase scene" on Utube to watch what many still consider the best car chase in a movie. Ever.



Tori: Linda is right, the flirt was a black dude.

Thanks for your continued support. I really do think W is growing, but it's so hard to tell when you're in the middle of the sitch, everyday. As far as me accepting the sitch for what it is, I don't see any better option.

No, W will not go out for drinks with me. If she did, I'm sure it would be quite uncomfortable. She is often withdrawn and quiet when we are together. She's searching to "discover" her new self, the one that missed out on life. Can't do that with me right now.

Linda: Funny thing is the old W avoided dancing like the plague. Was always too self conscious, worried that others would judge her lack of skills. She's still not comfortable with it, and certainly is not doing it often, but did show me a pic GF took of her on the dance floor. GF told W it was "proof" that W could dance if she wanted to.

Warding off those OM for sure!