Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Run and hide your crazy

 I'm glad the ring isn't bothering you anymore J. Just one more tangled thread in the insane tapestry of MLC. So puzzling though. Maybe you'll find out someday. My H is so confused that he lies and tells me some tall tale about the smallest, most inconsequential things, then promptly forgets story A and changes to story B. and gets mad at me when I protest "but you said....." So maybe your H will fess up someday, or mention it in passing. 

"This, this attitude, is what really really concerns me about continuing with H. More than the other women, more than the gambling."

But since this is NEW maybe it's just part of his MLC craziness? Hopefully!

"I know for absolute certain about the "first" (but his second affair) I knew the girl >shudder<. I found out about the real "first" by reading (snooping) H's emails to current ow. I'm thinking he wouldn't have lied to her about that, but who knows? There had been hints about such an event already, and I wasn't really surprised to learn of it. The one he got turned down by I had strongly suspected during that time period. Oh, and I also snooped an email to an old business acquaintance of H's where he opened with "You know I have always liked you, as a friend, and as even more than a friend." "

Wow you've learned a lot of hurtful things about your H. But I wouldn't put it past any MLCer to lie to anyone about anything, including an old relationship to his current OW. RT is horribly jealous but my H has told her about all his old relationships. He minimizes his R with me. He has never loved me because I've been unfaithful all these years you know. I don't understand why they feel compelled to tell their new OW about the old OW at all. Bragging? Making themselves seem more desireable? 

I wouldn't let that "always liked you as more than a friend" crap bother me if I were you. I used to read my H's email a lot too, to feel the pulse of what was going on between him and his first EA, his numerous infatuations with his language exchange partners, and now the dread RT. My H writes that sort of crap to all his pen pals. I swear he has an old email he keeps somewhere so he can copy and paste the same lines to all of them. All about how his first crush felt, and how his best friend who died was his soul mate. And he though he'd never feel that way again until he met HER. And of course the obligatory story about how his wife has been cheating on him all these years, and never really loved her, but he nobly stays with her for the sake of the children. He doesn't mention that "the children" are 27 and 38 years old. Or even how he got those children, or about all the miscarriages between them either. And strangely enough, it does not occur to these potential OW to ask. But the same thing has happened over and over - they fall for the line of crap, start making plans for a happy life together here in the US, and he drops them after a few months. He even did it to RT last summer. She apparently is more tenacious and came back! Worse than ever!

I stopped reading the emails regularly when I decided the things he writes to RT are just a bunch of lies, but would snoop again in a second if their dynamic seemed to be changing or he was not being forthcoming about his plans. Do you still read your H's?

I love your game J, and wish everyone would post their answers! 

Nero you ARE cheery, friendly and sweet! Not sappy! And NOT a boring goober either, you little dope!

Mz. J I love different shades of turquoise too! You are calm and pretty, cuddly and sweet! I DID google keeshond!! Now that's a cute cuddly dog! What color is yours?

Brady looks like a little fuzzy brown wolf

Have to run, but wanted to share an H original from last night.

We were watching an Angelina Jolie movie.

H, "Since she cut her boobs off she might as well just sew on a penis and be done with it."

you'll have to add that one to our book of favorite quotations!

Good morning J! How the heck are you doing? Did that damned ring ever show up?

He hasn't turned into Gollum, do you think????

Wow, goes to show just how miserable he is within himself. He's deflecting! Not doing a great job at, but heck at least he's consistant!

You sound very good, hope all is well!

Hello all!

Nothing new to report. Work is keeping me extra busy this week with training. Good to have a few more hours on the upcoming check I am trying to figure out how to finagle full time.

Am also thinking that I will take a Sat or Sun off in the next few weeks and take any interested kiddos to the zoo. S20 (an interested kiddo) asked H if he wanted to join us. H, "Nope. Zoos aren't my thing."

Can't find the ring. Lol, IDK about Gollum - although I have been listening for "my precious"

IDK if H's Angelina Jolie comment reflects misery. H can't fathom a woman not wanting to have large breasts - let alone any breasts at all... I think he pretty much feels that the breast makes the woman.

Since BD, or maybe even since a while before, he hasn't been making a running commentary on any and all female chests, so the Jolie remark caught me by surprise.

Thanks to everyone for stopping by!!

Your h makes my head hurt - LOL!

Mz, I get that you dont want to disrupt your kids senior year. I am wondering though, what they are seeing and what they are thinking.

As you know, they sense and see far more than we think they do.

And I worry for you. This is chipping away at you and it is more than an MLC as he has been this way for a long time.

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

You are an amazing lady.

Mizj
You have me interested in the ring. How long was it in the hidey hole?

I've got to admit your h is a different one. Not that I understand any of them in mlc but he has some issues! That Angelina Jolie comment, really?

You seem to be going through this a long time, longer than me. Has he ever said to you that he is done? My h said that to me recently, even after he supposedly called it off with OW. I don't know what to think.

I see how long you have been going through this and I think I've got to keep trying. I think if we didn't see others that make it through to the other side it would be difficult to have hope but reading others stories like rh still gives me hope.

Commenting on "I don't know if I believe in love" above. I still believe in love. I just believe that our h's don't know how to love right now. The problem is I have been working on myself and I am really ready to love again, the problem is he is not ready to love me. That is where I feel like I'm ready to give up but I know if he came to his senses I would be sorry I threw in the towel ya know?

I'm praying for you too!

mmmmm.... I'm thinking of buying stock in Excedrin

Thank you for your kindness uR. And I don't have the answers to the questions you asked; regarding the kids. You are right that H has been as-is for some time. And there is only 1 more "kid" year left. I rather think the impressions made on them by H are already there, so I don't know that it would benefit them to move for a separation now?

Would it benefit me? I don't know the answer to that either. I don't make much money, so financially no I would not be better off. Emotionally? Perhaps. But then I'd have to balance that against being responsible for shaking up the twins senior year.

For now I'm just keepin on keepin on Not so amazing, I don't think, but thank you. I am not sure I am much different from others here.

Complicated
Hello! I don't know that we've "met" before?

Ah yes, H and his boobs lol. (A couple years ago I told him I was worried about _____ who I worked with because she seemed very depressed and possibly even suicidal. H says, "____? That's the skinny blonde, right? Well of course she's depressed, she's got no boobs!") I do think that comment was trumped by the one about the 8 year old killed in the Boston bomb. You know, the one who "should have been in school."

Idk how long the ring was there for sure. 5 days that I know of, but it could have been there as long as a month.

H hasn't actually said he's done. He's said he "thinks" he's done. He kind of hedges his bets so far. I think, to mind read a bit, he reasons that for "family" continuity he may well choose to stay with me. Well, sort of. Between his parents and the casino I guess. Lol, how crazy is that?

But I don't know what to think either, so you are not alone in that.

I am glad you are working on you. I have sort of slacked off a bit. I need to get back at it. $$$$$ - or the lack thereof - has been consuming my mind of late.

LindaM posted before that she was told by a counselor that when her H came out of the fog he would be a good H for someone. It was up to her to decide if she wanted to be around for that. And I can certainly understand your feeling. That's part of what bothers me so much about ow. H has been cold to me for a very long time. And, by his own words, "not very nice". I had become accustomed to that, because I figured that was just how he was. That, like you said, he just didn't "know" how to do differently.

Oh ho, but then I find the emails.... and it turns out he does know how, just chooses NOT to - with me. And oh my but does that ever hurt.

I think my H has a little of that mentality that "wives/mothers" are a different species, that they don't require the sweetnesses, the small kindnesses, the tlc that other women deserve.

Ay yi yi! I'm getting morose!

H has left for the casino. He delayed leaving for S17A's football 7 on 7. He has been very chatty of late. Back to the detailed gambling explanations (where is that Excedrin??) and talking alot about work etc. Currently he is also complaining of a sore back, so there might be more medical issues ahead.

I am ok today. On an even keel. A little resentful of H, but not hurting ATM, so I'll take it

Cheers