Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis You can see the stars, but still not see the light

Ah, T, you hearing my words in your head, that's a good thing, as long as you also hear my words of encouragement and friendship.

I know you try not to feel resentful, but, let's face it, that's hard to do each and every day.

And you do have a lot of your plate with work, the kids and the house and all, who wouldnt feel that way at times?

I know you get tired of his bullsh#t. I get tired of it, too, and he's not my h - LOL!

You have it in you to do it one more day. That's how you have to do it, sweetie.

 "And it would be a shame if say, oh I don't know, the window was down and his cell phone just happened to go flying out into traffic while we're speeding along on the highway. Just saying"

What a crying shame! Oh well these little accidents do happen! Like driving over it with the car, oops! 

You sound better T! I'm glad you got some rest and got away from the kids for a bit, even if it was grocery shopping. I was down in the dumps lately too. Feeling sort of fat, frumpy, old, unappreciated, unloved and unloveable. uR and Bea and Nero cheered me up though. And I took a good look in the mirror. I may be 60 but look pretty damn good. Much better than any "worthless ho bag"

OW withdrawal - now that will be an interesting subject when the time comes. We'll need a lot of support to get thru that I betcha. I thought for sure RT would drop my H when she learned he is not the businessman he pretended to be. Not sure what possessed me to think he would ever tell her the truth about that though It might be different if our Hs are the ones who ultimately drop the ho. That's what happened to that Newman, but I've read of lot of sitches that involve a bunch of breakups and reunions. Grrr! "wait, what's that sound - it's UW reminding me to NOT GET AHEAD OF MYSELF!" hahaha!

Are you getting ready for your trip on Tuesday? Hope you got car snacks when you were out earlier! Don't know why but my boys were always starving on long car trips!

Oh boy, I am getting quite the reputation here. LOL!

It's ok though, as long as it is helping.

The not getting ahead of myself was a hard earned lesson. Took a lot of work, but, oh, how much better it made the sitch for me.

Yeah TVS, I don't understand why they get worked up about losing OW instead of losing us. Why can't they see how flawed they are and how wonderful we are. After all, we have stood for them this whole time waiting for them to get their brain back.

I am hoping for you that a few days spent with h and the boys will make him see what he has with you and what OW doesn't have. You are doing such a great job dbing that he can't help but see it, it just hasn't fully processed yet.

I have been doing this a long time. Probably about 3 years or so. This place has been a godsend. I was pretty much at the end of my rope when I found it. Mostly I just read what everyone has to say. I'm still working through this with H so I hate to give much advice. Sometimes I wonder if he will be one of the ones that doesn't make it through. What a scary thought.

Have a great time on your trip! I am envious. Just keep being you!

Thanks for checking up on me, Tvs. I read everything on your thread but am somewhat posting less.

On my post tonight I said about rereading my threads from this winter. You and GALb, not to mention Labug, T^2, snodderly, and others were constantly holding my hand to get me through. I could never thank you enough. Never!


I felt the same way. It's much less now. In fact, I would have to say H has been shouldering his part of the load now very well.

I used to complain to him after he moved out that moving out here was HIS idea and now he abandoned me and left me with the amount of work for two! I'm sure that wasn't DBing but sometimes I was so angry at him!

Idk how you do it with two little ones. It will be amazing if they look back on their wonderful childhood....and it will DEFINITELY all be b/c of YOU!! You took the tears and emotional stripes on your back for them. You're totally amazing!

You keep going girl! I hope this vacation this week is something like Thanksgiving was for me last year. Reminding my H that time with me and family time can be really great. It gives them something to think about. Reminds them of what they are missing. I remember being totally "relaxed and centered", which are the terms my IC used. You'll do that too!

I can't wait for all the details

Hugs,
rH

Hi UW ~ believe me, your words of friendship and encouragement are always the loudest in my head

It's hard trying to not only feel resentful, but to not act resentful or show those emotions as well. It's hard not being in a normal freakin R where you can openly talk about your feelings!!!

I am really struggling with not getting ahead of myself. My mind can't stop thinking of all the various future scenarios. Not productive, I know. Trying to live in the now, but limbo land svcks. I think that's why I perseverate so much on the future.

You do have quite a rep around here. And it is a damn good one

Hi Linda ~ I want to be very clear here... I, in NO way, believe that you are fat, frumpy, old, unloveable, etc.!!!! You most definitely are better than any worthless ho bag

Plus you are a nurse/lawyer - how freakin awesome is that????

I'm trying not to even THINK about OW withdrawal. I am hoping he is the one that gets sick of her and dumps her sorry ass, but who knows what the dynamics are really like between them. I just hope it is an ugly break-up.

As far as the trip, you KNOW I got snacks a plenty!!! I never go anywhere without having fruit snacks as it is, so I loaded up on snacks for vacation. After all, H and the kids both get cranky when they are hungry, and I do not want to have to deal with that disaster lol!

Hi Complicated ~ I wonder if they really do see how flawed the OW is, but admitting that would be admitting they are flawed too. Though my H has admitted that he "has issues" and "is fvcked up", so I sort of feel like he may feel that he doesn't deserve me in a sense. Better to stick to a shallow, drama filled A where he doesn't have to face any of his issues.

I am hoping that he will enjoy spending time with his family on this trip. And for some reason, I think he will

Three years is a long time to stand. Your H and family are lucky to have someone as loyal and devoted as you. I hope one day, your H will come to see that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I got "Silver Linings Playbook" from Netflix because I read the book and loved it. The movie was great too - I really enjoyed watching it.

H knew I had been waiting for the movie and really wanted to see it. I thought it would be pressure if I *gasp* suggested we watched the movie together, so I watched it by myself the other night when he wasn't home.

When he got home, I told him how good it was, how funny it was. He said, I saw a commercial for it the other day and thought of you

So he watched it by himself last night (which I wasn't sure he would actially watch it). Told me this morning that he really liked it. Wonder if he got the whole not seeing what is right before your eyes message? Probably not! Lol!

He told me he ended up not going to sleep last night till 3:30 am. I said, "Were you itchy?" And he replied after a pause, "That was part of it." He didn't volunteer what the other part was.

His parents came over tonight and we celebrated his dad's birthday. H thanked me for everything, said dinner was really good and he appreciated me getting the card, gift card, and cake.

Texting even while his parents were here. I went into the garage to ask him a question, and I seemed to startle him while he was texting. Hmmm, wonder who he could be texting...

Later, he asks me if its okay (asking permission again) if he meets the golf guys out for a drink. So the two options are 1. He's really meeting the golf guys and kinda clings to them because they don't know the "old" him and he's alienated himself from most everyone else or 2. He's meeting up with FT.

I personally think it may be choice two. I think this family trip has her wanting to have H on a tight leash AND muzzle!

Doesn't matter which is true - either way, I consider it running.

Tomorrow is church and then maybe a trip to Target to get a few last minute things for vacation. I would love to find a straw cowboy beach hat!

Good night

Just saw your post now rH, thank you

Sheltering my kids from the hurt and sadness due to this has been very important to me, a big motivating factor. I never wanted them to feel that crushing feeling that I had in my heart from all the hurtful things H has done.

I'm glad I could be there for you when times were tough, but even more glad I can be there when things are looking up

You have been a good friend to me from the beginning, and I thank you for that

Never fear, you will get lots of vacation details!!!

How funny/sad that your H was hiding out in the garage texting while his parents were over. Yup he was probably textiing the golf guys about going out for a drink. Yup. They think they're so sneaky, when really they are about as transparent as kids when they're trying to pull one over on us. In fact, most everyone's sitch on here seems to be taking place in the halls of MLC High. Too bad our Hs keep getting left back. 

Hi Complicated, nice to meet you! I'm glad you found this forum before reaching the end of your rope. It's been a real life-sanity-jail time saver for me!

I think our MLCers can't see how flawed their OW are and how wonderful we are because we represent REAL LIFE, while the OW are just as f*ed up as they are, probably more so. What self-respecting woman would have a relationship with a married man, especially one with little kids??? I think the MLCers feel superior to the OW. Cadet described it as "affairing down." What I'm hoping for is that the OW push and demand and pull for what they want, until it's not fun fantasy time for the MLCer anymore. 

What time did he get in last night TVS? I hope you find a straw cowboy beach hat! That would be perfect!!! I hope your trip does open his eyes like rH's Thanksgiving dinner did. That he'll realize what he risks losing. What is important and real and lasting. And how patient you have been. 

Oh Linda,



This has to be the title of your next thread. It is perfect.

There should be a reality TV show where MLCers get to go back to being high-schoolers.

love you Bea!