Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Am I ready for this?

"Never ignore a person who loves you, cares for you, and misses you. Because one day, you might wake up from your sleep and realize that you lost the moon while counting the stars.”
Nico Lang (via desolle)

Keep your chin up, Mtnman.

Have you ever looked at my threads from last fall? The push/pull of attraction and heading towards D. It reminds me a lot of your sitch.

I love this last quote you posted

You are so right. Severing the connection makes the pain intense but then you can start to heal. Keeping the connection open while separating is awful. Then you have the opposite once you start to reconcile. Keeping the separation intact while working on connection. It's crazy, isnt it?

Keep posting.
Keep your heart and head strong.
And this weekend you don't have the boys to distract you or show you their affection so it may be lonely. I'm glad you have some plans with your brother.

I have not rH. But I will for the encouragement. It's been an odd day. I've enjoyed having the free time but miss them too.

My brother, father, and sister have all been in touch today. Keeping me up. I've also had a call from a shark trying to cause me trouble.

Spoke to the counselor. She was very nice and I made it perfectly clear my goal was to save my marriage. She was supportive and is going to help me take care of me. Suggested al-anon. Bklyn was right!

I wouldn't put too much into the fb unfriend...maybe it's just a reaction from her to her state ... "gotta do SOMEthing, so unfriend him" ??

You know the adage around here..."Believe none.......etc"

I am glad you are talking with an IC, it does help, imo.

Hang in there, MM, be strong as a mountain...
T^2

Thanks everyone! Wouldn't be this far without you.

W texted me earlier to let me know her mom and brother are still a-holes. I laughed it off and told her I was shocked to hear that. She evidently had it out with them and told them they never believe w does anything right. My boys came to her defense, according to her. I told her I was sorry they were being tough on her, but wasnt surprised the boys defended her because they love her. Her response was she was glad somebody did. I sent her a winky face and told her I knew at least one other person. She responded "no you don't. Not really." I simply sent her one back that said "you'd be surprised."

Probably shouldn't have pushed it, but I want her to know. It's very hard for me to let her get beat up and not console her. I struggle with that.

Hi Mtnman!

I'm glad you shared what is going on with W. I've been thinking about it all afternoon. Did the family treat your W that way before your FIL became ill?

IOW, was her dad her only supporter? Were they jealous b/c she was daddy's girl?

It seems she was feeling very un-lovable. Certainly she KNOWS you love her, but she needed to hear it. I think it was more about her feeling unloveable, not actually questioning your love for her. And maybe guilty about the boys defending her when her actions haven't been good lately in being a mom or wife.

It sounds like, after hearing more from you about her position in the family, she has some things to work out to become her own woman, before she can return and take her place side-by-side with you as W.

And, typical for MLC, she doesn't know how to go about doing it so she flounders around in the land of parties, dress up and alcohol looking for something to make her feel good, b/c her fears are too great to do the right thing!

I think you have to do what works, and you used a wink and at least let her know she was loved but in a light-hearted way. Remember, we have to do what works.

Thinking of you tonight,
Wishing you strength and courage,
rH

Thanks rH! She was always made to feel inferior by her mom and brother. It always ticked me off and I always told her that. I know that hurts her to be treated that way.

She just sent me an ugly text about how I'm starting a war with her and trying to take her kids away from her. Looks like the trip isn't going as well as she hoped or someone has let her know she's not been acting appropriately. I caught the heat. I texted her back and let her know I wasn't starting a war but had to separate my feelings for her when discussing the boys future. Went on to say she should have no doubts about my feelings for her. No response.

Oh well. Actions have consequences.

I too think you handled the situation well, Mtn. Look at you becoming a DB master!



Agreed! Once last year, when my W was discussing how she really didn't care if she died now, she told me she had nobody to "hang around for". I said "I don't know if you've considered this, but I'd miss you." She said "only for a little... then you could get yourself a real W."

Like RH said, your W feels unlovable right now. You just keep loving her from afar... and occasionally up a little closer in your light hearted way. If you pursue a little to hard she'll let you know. It won't be the end of your M, it just means you back off a bit.



Hey! My W dressed up and went out for drinks with GF tonight! (Looked hot too, Mtn) I told her she looked good, and then went out and seen GF's new car and talked "cars" with them both for a bit. Told 'em to have fun as they left!

Ouch. I'd pull back on telling her your feelings for her in this case. Instead, reassure her that she's been a great Mom, and you have no doubts she has the boys best interest at heart.